The Best of Shapecharge

[Sassenach]

Alright stop. Collaborate and listen. Hot or not, these chicks are worth hittin'. I'd grab a hold of them tightly. Stick my harpoon in daily and nightly. Would I ever stop? Yo I don't know. But in their ass I would eventually blow. To the extreme I'd lick their ass like a vandal, then on their face I'd drop my wax like from a candle. I'm just sayin'.

[Turdacious]

I bought the wife a locket sometime back, not super expensive just a silver locket, and I told her to put something in it, you know like a little picture or some such shit. Well she never did. I was clipping my toe nails one morning and I kinda let them get long, well not like Andy but you know...anyway I thought it'd be some funny shit to put them in that locket. Well, I did but I forgot about it. Who knows how much time went by and one Saturday night we go over to some friends for a little party and all the chicks are in the dining room and all the guys are in the living room watching something...a football game I think and we hear this scream come from all the women in the dining room and the wife comes out fucking pissed. She wore that locket and one of the wives was all, oh that's such a pretty locket, what do you have in it? And the wife said nothing as the chick was opening it up and here falls out these toe nails that look like mini bear claws...then there was a half hour conversation on why someone would do something like that. No one was really helping me out on this so guys as a public service from me to you although it sounds funny check that impulse cause it will get thrown in your face that you are sick.

[Shaun B. O'Murnecan]

Shape is Robert Hamburger or vice versa. In any case, the fucker is brilliant and is going to get me fired.

[Batboy2/75]

Ice Nigger is Stig? I never caught the transition.

I was the first to call Stig "Ice Nigger" while arguing about drug legalization. He promptly changed his OL name. I also called him a Fascist; he didn't incorporate that into his new name, because he's from Europe and it's pretty much a given they'll all fascists.

[Sassenach]

Adam, if I may call you Adam, please understand that IGx is like a large extended family. And like any large extended family there's much tough love to go along with an eccentric cast of characters. There's accomplished athletes, fighters and lifters here. We've got stone cold spec op killers, crazy grandpa's, even GQ lawyer types that will beat your ass down in a elevator while their hair stays perfect. So you've got to realize that there may be some crazieness that you just don't get or accept but you just have to roll with all in an effort to get along. Like maybe you had an uncle that always wanted to pick you up and sit you on his lap when you were a kid when no one was around and he kept checking to see if the zipper on your little Sears Toughskins jeans was working right...I mean c'mon now, you didn't go tattle tale on him did you? Maybe you wanted a new bike and your uncle...let's call him Uncle Shape said he'd buy you a new bike but you'd have to promise to keep a secret and you said yes you would then Uncle Shape asked if you'd like to play with a one-eyed snake wearing a turtle-necked sweater that he carries in his pants...again, you just go along with it right? You see what I'm sayin' here? Hey, do you like to go camping? PM me

[Andy77]

LOL! Jez, Where's the thread for contextness?

[Crust Bucket]

LOL! Jez, Where's the thread for contextness?

Right here....Scroll up http://irongarmx.net/phpBB2/viewtopic.p ... 35#p361735

[DrDonkeyLove]

Monica Bellucci is a fascist?

See, I'm not trying to be funny so if you say I'm not funny I'm thinking ok I wasn't trying to be funny either so what's the issue?

You realize that you said both things in the same thread, right?

[Sassenach]

It is a tradition here at IGx that all new members are taken on a camping trip by me whereby the rules, and code of conduct at IGx are discussed in the invigorating and refreshing environment that nature provides. New members are also violently anally penetrated. I don't make the rules...it's just our way. What I've noticed with this new crop of X-fitters migrating over is, they are all very loose in the asshole region. Surprisingly, being a X-fit asshole has an odd correlation of having a slack region down below. Obviously kipping pullups, cartwheels for time, thrusters et al, has caused you all to lose rectal tonus. Not good. Revamp you program with emphasis on the major multi-joint lifts, separate your cardio from your other work, stop kipping and do some anal kegels.

[Sassenach]

Don't forget, as has been pointed out here many times, the Japanese katana should not be overlooked for home defense. Imagine Peachy and his 6' 12" warrior-princess wife each with one, naked, confronting a cracked out negro rummaging around in the fridge. Cue Led Zepp's Immigrant Song for appropriate intro music. A-ah-ahh-ah, ah-ah-ahh-ah!!!!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c05E6kyHu8E[/youtube]

[Sassenach]

Dear Jesus,

What's up brother man? It's been too long since I last spoke to you. I'm still recovering from that nutty weekend in Vegas we had earlier this year. Where you found those bitches I don't wanna know but that weed? Damn that is some serious zombieland shit you've got up there. Drop me down a couple of elbows when you've got time. I know it seems like I'm always asking for things but you've gotta admit I'm not asking for some lame ass shit like, please help me win the lottery or, my auntie needs a new kidney kinda stuff. I'm all about you using that crazy lightning bolt power you have to smote fuckheads who really deserve it. I don't know what kind of internet connection you have up in heaven, prolly some really kooky T1 line stuff but you may not be able to catch up on all the shit happening down here with all that's goin' on. You need a cat like me to help keep you dialed in on pricks that need to be dealt with. Which leads me to mention this lame-ass writer down here. Yeah, I know, we've talked about him before...Tim Cahill. Beside just being a shitty writer...fuck he can't even copy other people's work right...he's got this fucking cabin in Montana somewhere that almost, just almost, always catches fire but it never quite happens. I know we talked about waiting till he's in the cabin before you have one of your cool "natural events" bring it down but we can't handle this shit anymore. Could you please just torch the fucking thing now please? There's bound to be a shitload of his crappy-ass books in there so you best muster up some seriously high winds with some good lightning. Thanks. Thanks for helping with those mysterious bumps I had on my junk...like I said I don't wanna know where you got those hookers. Hit me up on XBox if you're playing COD. Peace bro.

Shape

[Sassenach]

I've developed a fondness for using sterno as a lubricant and Rainbow bread sacks as a condom...I hope this doesn't offend you.

Wait, this doesn't make any sense. How can someone steal your log in name? Where's that fucking Mario to explain this shit? He's probably eating a gyro while fingering his own ass totally oblivious that the whole place has been compromised.

[beefheart]

Thank you Baby Jesus, Jezzy and, of coarse, Shape.

This should be nuggetatized.

[Sassenach]

I was listening to the radio yesterday and immigrant song came on. Started laughing, and remembered I should update this.

[Turdacious]

Great thread, despite the lingering Jeekeery.

[Sassenach]

OH HOLY SHIT, YOU DID IT NOW!!! You don't even realize that your name is now in a double top secret SEAL database and when you least expect it you will wake up from a coma and five years will have past and you won't look right anymore because some SEAL came by for a visit and turned you upside down, stuck his feet in your armpits and used you as a human pogo stick. You will also have a new family 'cause he most likely will have thrown his web up in your woman and you'll have six kids from just one bonin' session because that's how potent these guys are. Impressive? WTF? They parachute out of the fuckin' space station and glide down so fucking silently that for a little while they fly along with geese and other birds that are migrating prior to landing on some bad guy's condo. A SEAL will cut your head off with a garotte made of spearmint dental floss then floss his teeth afterward because there's always time for proper dental hygeine and they are so good lookin'. I recommend saying you are sorry then cutting off one of your testicles and sending it to Coronado as a peace offering.

[Sassenach]

ANTHONY I WAS WONDERING SOMETHING. IF YOU DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN AND WERE SUMMONDED TO SPEAK TO THE LORD AND HE ASKED YOU TO RETURN TO THE EARTH AS HIS ANGEL OF JUSTICE WOULD YOU DO IT? WHAT WOULD BE YOUR FIRST TASK? WOULD YOU USE ANY COOL WEAPONS? I SAW A GUY ONCE ON TV THAT COULD TAKE A PLAYING CARD AND THROW IT SO HARD THAT IT WOULD STICK IN A PIECE OF WOOD. HOW AWESOME WOULD IT BE FOR YOU TO WALK IN WITH YOUR ANGEL WINGS ALL SPREAD OUT THROWING THE ACE OF SPADES AND CUTTING SOME SINNERS HEAD OFF AND YOU ARE ALL LIKE "REPENT HEATHENS!" THAT WOULD BE SO COOL. DON'T COME TO MY HOUSE THOUGH I'M TRYING TO BE GOOD.

[syaigh]

ANTHONY WHEN I WAS REAL LITTLE I THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY MOMMY. JESUS WAS ALWAYS CALLING HER TO HEAVEN BUT MY DADDY WOULD STOP HER FROM GOING. I KNOW THIS CAUSE I SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES ONE TIME. ONE NIGHT I WOKE UP AND HEARD MY MOMMY HOLLERING REAL LOUD, "OH MY GOD I'M COMING, I'M COMING!" I RAN TO THEIR BEDROOM AND SAW MY DADDY LAYING ON TOP OF MY MOMMY TO KEEP HER FROM RISING TO HEAVEN. HER FEET WERE IN THE AIR. THEY WERE STARTLED TO SEE ME STANDING THERE AND I WAS SO SCARED THAT MY MOMMY WAS GOING TO GO TO HEAVEN THAT I JUMPED ON TOP OF MY DADDY TO HELP HOLD HER DOWN. IT MADE ME FEEL REAL FUNNY CAUSE THEY DID NOT HAVE ANY CLOTHES ON BUT I WAS IN MY JAMMIES. DO YOU THINK IT IS OKAY TO STOP SOMEONE FROM GOING TO HEAVEN THIS WAY IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO GO?

[WildGorillaMan]

[johno]

...Hey you wanna hear something real sketchy? I've got a nice white dress shirt on with French cuffs. I don't wear it very often but it looks good on me...well not like some ass-kicking form-fitting custom made shit like Bill (he's a)Fox would wear but for a regular dude and not a superhero I look okay. Anyway I was just in the bathroom dropping a duece and I think I may have wiped my ass on the tail of my shirt. It's kinda long and I wasn't paying attention...I was playing Angry Birds on my iPhone and when I started wiping it felt kinda funny. I'm afraid to look.

[Holland Oates]

...Hey you wanna hear something real sketchy? I've got a nice white dress shirt on with French cuffs. I don't wear it very often but it looks good on me...well not like some ass-kicking form-fitting custom made shit like Bill (he's a)Fox would wear but for a regular dude and not a superhero I look okay. Anyway I was just in the bathroom dropping a duece and I think I may have wiped my ass on the tail of my shirt. It's kinda long and I wasn't paying attention...I was playing Angry Birds on my iPhone and when I started wiping it felt kinda funny. I'm afraid to look.

LOL

You fuck I almost spit coffee all over my keyboard.

[Sassenach]

You guys were way too mean to her and you potentially screwed up the possibility of any nearby IGx'ers fucking her. I can't tell you how much pussy I've pulled just by mentioning IGx. Here's how it coulda went down:

It's around 11:30 p.m. at the local bar. Stosh cruises in wearing a fresh pair of skin tight Wrangler jeans, some white Nike hightops and a green wifebeater. His Kentucky waterfall is in full splendor. He spots an older but still stacked and packed milf at the bar.

Stosh: Hey cutie, what's your name?
Cougie: I'm XXXX. Say is that your bitchin '72 Firebird parked out front?
Stosh: Yeah, and I'm the original owner. Hey, do you workout?
Cougie: Yes I do! I'm all about @Fit! What about you?
Stosh: Well, I'm pretty busy working on my goat farm and all and I spend a lot of time on my Firebird. I also work as a roadie for a Lynyrd Skynyrd cover band. When I have time I like to lift kettlebells. By the way, I'm Stosh on IGx!
Cougie: Oh really?! I just started posting there. I'm Cougie!
Stosh: You are hot. Wanna come over to my place and see my vintage Hot Wheels collection?
Cougie: I've got a better idea. Let's get out of here and go to my place. I'll suck and fuck you like there's no tomorrow.
Stosh: Sweet! Let me call my mom though and let her know I'm not gonna be home for awhile.
Cougie: I'm letting you know right now I'm kinda wild in bed. You can put it anywhere you want.
Stosh: Wow, really? Do you have any jumper cables?

THE END

[snatch grip]

This is top 5 all-time most amazing things i've ever read. I'm not into literature though.

[Dux]

Then look no further my horny brothers and sisters. The ABCOASTER is here. Surprisingly it was NOT developed by a Navy SEAL. Navy Special Warfare put the kibosh on all the marketing/developing of fitness equipment and fighting systems by their young warfighters. Of the 2000 or so pinned SEAL's there's less than 10 available for secret ass-kickin' shit because all the others are tied up working on these other projects like the TRX, Perfect Pushup, Perfect Pullup, The Amazing Dick Stretcher and countless other vitally needed fitness related items.

http://www.abcoaster.com/

[Yes I Have Balls]

He's funny and truly a benefit to himself and IGx. Complete opposite of Rant/Walshy.