IGX

With anilingus currently in so many editorial spreads and on the tip of so many tongues, it bears noting that Mozart wrote a song about eating ass. Titled “Leck mich im Arsch,” which literally translates to “Lick me in the ass,” it’s the sort of song that might be referred to as a “bawdy ode” or a “ribald verse,” and consists almost solely of the repeated request that we all get real familiar with the business end of Mozart’s anus. The music is by lesser-known Czech composer Wenzel Trnka von Krzowitz, but the lyrics are pure Mozart: “Lick my ass nicely / lick it nice and clean,” the canon jauntily proposes. “Come on, just try it / And lick, lick, lick!” Nearly 300 years before Desi buried three-quarters of his face in Marnie’s ass on this season’s premiere of ”Girls,” Mozart was already foreshadowing our cultural embrace of anilingus, aka rimming, ass munching, salad tossing, and to bring things fully up-to-date, “eating cake.”

lenny wrote:http://www.salon.com/2015/02/02/ass_is_ ... e_partner/

With anilingus currently in so many editorial spreads and on the tip of so many tongues, it bears noting that Mozart wrote a song about eating ass. Titled “Leck mich im Arsch,” which literally translates to “Lick me in the ass,” it’s the sort of song that might be referred to as a “bawdy ode” or a “ribald verse,” and consists almost solely of the repeated request that we all get real familiar with the business end of Mozart’s anus. The music is by lesser-known Czech composer Wenzel Trnka von Krzowitz, but the lyrics are pure Mozart: “Lick my ass nicely / lick it nice and clean,” the canon jauntily proposes. “Come on, just try it / And lick, lick, lick!” Nearly 300 years before Desi buried three-quarters of his face in Marnie’s ass on this season’s premiere of ”Girls,” Mozart was already foreshadowing our cultural embrace of anilingus, aka rimming, ass munching, salad tossing, and to bring things fully up-to-date, “eating cake.”

I learned something new today. How could I be 65 and not know people engage in such practices? Somehow I managed to finish the article without gagging but this is not for me. Maybe some of you have a more experienced and nuanced tone to discuss this topic.
35 years ago in a bookstore in Manhattan, Cindy my girlfriend showed me a sex manual with a description of a man coming on a woman's hair. I got so embarrassed I made her close the book. I wouldn't have refused her if she had asked directly for it (not in the store in front of the customers) but she never did. Maybe it would make a great shampoo or conditioner. There's probably a good business opportunity out there.
I was generally pretty good about giving my girlfriends what they wanted sexually but there are limits. I was taken aback when Cindy with a glee in her eye said she wanted me to like the smell of her farts. Did she want me to like her shit too? Was that only metaphorical or actually literal? We weren't together long enough for me to find out. I was 28 and she was 30 and I was the fifth guy she had lived with. After one particularly bad fight I blurted out, "Cindy you'll never get married you'll go from one guy to the next," which is exactly what happened. I guess she couldn't find anyone who could love her shit. She was very pretty and never lacked for boyfriends, but given the choice between being alone for the rest of her life
(she's been alone a long time) or being with most of you guys she made the right choice.

Another girl friend demanded I bite her breast. I wasn't sure if I'd leave a bloody mess on the carpet and have to rush her to the emergency room so I hesitantly said, "I don' think this is such a good idea." She was insistent so I gingerly sunk my teeth into that mound of flesh (maybe it was a pound of flesh). It wasn't hard enough for her and I upped the pressure gradually until my jaw ached and she had had enough. A year later she told me her breast hurt for months. She didn't blame me but she learned something important. Watch out what you ask for you might just get it.
After we were together for a while she demanded rough sex and although it didn't exactly thrill me (I wanted tantra) I consented and was told what every man supposedly wants to hear, "Lenny you're a fantastic lover." I didn't think I was at all and didn't enjoy it too much. She had fucked 35 guys and this was new to her. It made a real transformation in her appearance. People told her how beautiful she looked. Years later a therapist said if she had been with 35 men that made her an expert.

I've come to the conclusion that women's sexual experiences with me had very little or nothing to do with me. My first girl friend (she was 18 and I was 20 when we got together) never had one orgasm in the four years we were together. I blamed myself for being a terrible lover and even bought her a vibrator to no avail. Years later I learned that a quarter of young women can't come. Another girl friend had multiple orgasms - the supposed holy grail of sexual pleasure but maybe it's taken a back seat to anilingus.

I've never been put to a real test by a woman. Nobody ever asked for anilingus, bestiality, a three way with a guy, sadomasochism, or a mudshark which Frank Zappa talked and sang about so eloquently here.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ci_2_mXSJ9Q[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFs5Y1hlN-I[/youtube]

if you listened to this you may as well hear the rest it's pretty funny
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1DHHMuuluxA[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5RFzWUC5nM[/youtube]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlRW_uRiEIs

There's a lot I don't understand about life. I was 19 and got my first and only rectal exam. The pain was excruciating but I have a very low pain threshold. How anybody could like taking it up the ass is beyond me but we're all different. I once did it to a girlfriend that way who didn't complain but we both felt it was a little too weird and it was a one time experience. Doing it in a bathtub filled with hot water was a lot more fun but for some reason we only did it once. Life's not over. There are second chances.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WinsZdTm-a0[/youtube]

Dr. Agkistrodon wrote:If she's clean, analingus is awesome, especially if she let's you hit that ass like a screen-door in a tornado afterward.

Definite win.

A guy your are really should have yearly prostate exams.

Mickey O'neil wrote:

Dr. Agkistrodon wrote:If she's clean, analingus is awesome, especially if she let's you hit that ass like a screen-door in a tornado afterward.

Definite win.

beefheart wrote:

Mickey O'neil wrote:

Dr. Agkistrodon wrote:If she's clean, analingus is awesome, especially if she let's you hit that ass like a screen-door in a tornado afterward.

Definite win.

Mickey's current sig makes a good argument.

Smet wrote:Lenny is right, there should be strict code of sexual conduct. Limiting intercourse to missionary position (except for medical reasons) is the first step to healthy relationship.

My name is Swaggart
I am an asshole
All my friends,
They call me "Jim"
(Hi, Jim!)
I'm from Louisiana,
I make lots of money,
But I fucked up
And commited a sin

Come out here to Californy,
Just to find me
Some pretty girls
(No shit!)
The ones I seen
Gets me so horny;
Ruby lips,
'N teeth like pearls!

Wanna love 'em all!
In the name of Jesus!
Wanna pretty girl –
I'll even pay!
I'll buy 'em furs!
I'll buy 'em jewelry!
I'll never fuck them;
Here's what I say:

I'm lonesome Cowboy Jim!
(Speakin' atcha!)
I only give 'em the tips of him!
(Posin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance,
On this here prostitute…
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(He's lonesome Cowboy Jim
Look at the tip of him!)
Come on in this place,
'N I'll buy you a taste,
You can sit on my face –
Where's my prostitute/waitress?

Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (thank you!)
Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (yessir!)

I'm an awful nice guy! (so you say)
I sweat all day in the sun! (oh yeah, yeah)
I'm a preacher by trade,
Quite a bundle like me,
And I'm a feature ol' mumble-mumble
Son-of-a-gun!
(He's a unionized roofin' old
Son-of-a-gun!)
Fill in the blank!

When I get off, I get,
When I get off, I get,
When… I, I, I, I,
And then, Sharkey says:
When I get off (pfft!)
I get sinful
(Just the tip! Only the tip now, come on)
I spoo
Till I goo
On the rug
Then I find me
Some eighteen ninety-five Luiann—, Louisiana style prostitute
And make her do pornographic stunts while I watch
And I have
So much fun
Jay-zus! Jay-zus!
(Pornographic stunts and I have so much fun)
(What?)

I huff
And I puff
(Hratche-plche
Hratche-plche)
And I pump up my sanctified erection
Till my cheeks
Puff up
An' turn red
Along with my neck
(Say, varmint!)
I drool
On my shirt
Takes a little while before I squirt
But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet
UH-OH!
Made a mistake this time!
Now I've sinned
Everybody!
(What an asshole!)
Made a mistake and I sinned, uh!
Made a mistake and I sinned, ow!
Made a mistake and I sinned, what?
Made a mistake and I sinned

Lonesome Cowboy Jim!
(Sinnin' atcha!)
Come smell this fringe-y shirt!
(Grinnin' atcha!)
My cowboy pants,
My cowboy dance,
My bold advance,
On this here prostitute…
Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh
Yodel-oh-oo-pee!

(HE'S LONESOME COWBOY JIM/SCOTT,
BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO
Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat)
(Oh, tune me in now)
Come on in this place,
An' I'll buy you a taste,
'N you can sit on my face –
Where's my prostitute?
OPAL, YOU HOT LITTLE BITCH!

Smet wrote:Regarding rectal exam, Lenny, I am surprised you mention excruciating pain. In my junior doctor years I delivered a few hundred of those (and in later life received a few myself). The most intense description of the sensation should be discomfort. Rectal exam is seriously valuable for detecting prostate and rectal cancers.

Smet wrote:Regarding rectal exam, Lenny, I am surprised you mention excruciating pain. In my junior doctor years I delivered a few hundred of those (and in later life received a few myself). The most intense description of the sensation should be discomfort. Rectal exam is seriously valuable for detecting prostate and rectal cancers.

lenny wrote:

Smet wrote:Regarding rectal exam, Lenny, I am surprised you mention excruciating pain. In my junior doctor years I delivered a few hundred of those (and in later life received a few myself). The most intense description of the sensation should be discomfort. Rectal exam is seriously valuable for detecting prostate and rectal cancers.

The living will be judged, to learn, to teach and to comprehend that He is G-d, He is the former, He is the creator, He is the comprehender, He is the judge, He is the witness, He is the plaintiff, and He will judge. Blessed is He, for before Him there is no wrong, no forgetting, no favoritism, and no taking of bribes; know, that everything is according to the reckoning. Let not your heart convince you that the grave is your escape; for against your will you are formed, against your will you are born, against your will you live, against your will you die, and against your will you are destined to give a judgement and accounting before the king, king of all kings, the Holy One, blessed be He.

milosz wrote:Can we all agree that once you get past the taboo aspect (which, to be fair, never stops being fun), butt-sex is overrated? Vaginas are self-lubricating and literally made for penises.

He's so gay
He's so gay
He's very very gay
He's so gay
He's so gay
And he likes to be that way
With his keys all on the right
He's into rubber every night
He's so gay
He's so gay
He's ALMOST EVERYONE TODAY

He's okay
He's okay
He's got a role he wants to play
He's okay
He's okay
He's just a cowboy for a day

Of course, his evening's not complete
Without some meat in the seat;
Let's skate away
Down Santa Monica today

Maybe he wants a little spanking
Maybe he'll eat a little chain
Maybe his lover should be thanking him
For the way he makes it sprinkle
Into drops of GOLDEN RAIN

He's so gay
He's so gay
He rules the city in a way
You could say
You could say
It's sorta different today
All the taffeta and chintz
And every Leather Boy's a PRINCE
Hey hey hey!
Please don't look the other way

You could be just like him
TOMORROW!
Maybe you'll get a chance
To borrow
(Borrow)
His bouquet
And maybe later...MAYBE LATER
We'll ALL BE
GAY-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y!
DO YOU REALLY WANNA HURT ME?

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n' I'm actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n' maybe later I'll rape her

Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome son of a bitch
I'm gonna get a good job 'n' be real rich

(Get a good
Get a good
Get a good
Get a good job)

Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people I was not ready
When I f**** this d**e by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say "when"
She had my b**** in a vise, but she left the d***
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the American dream
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable son of a bitch
Am I a boy or a lady, I don't know which

(I wonder wonder
Wonder wonder)

So I went out 'n' bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n' a friend
Sorta drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my b*** till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred!"
Oh God, oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now, I'm goin down, etc.