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My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 12:53 am
by syaigh
won't stop pissing on my chair. MY CHAIR.

He's very smart, kind of alpha but lets us be in charge most of the time, but the goddamn motherfucker has pissed all over my goddamned chair.

It smells like piss. He doesn't do it because he has to pee. He does it because I'm gone or not paying attention to him. He mostly does it when I'm not here so I've started putting him out on the porch when I'm gone, but he still sneaks in and marks it.

How the fuck do I deal with this? He KNOWS he's supposed to piss outside and always looks for treats when he's done it right.

I am about to wrap an electric fence around my chair and I hope he fries his dick off when the urine stream hits it.

And yes, he knows he's an asshole because after he does it, he hides from me and won't come into the room when I call him.

He's very smart and generally very very sweet, but I have near-teen-aged boys. My whole house smells like piss, dont need any more fucking piss in my house.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:02 am
by dead man walking
get the dog on a lead and bring close to the chair.

then have your husband get down on all fours, lift his leg, and piss on the chair.

stick the dog's nose in your husband's piss, so he knows the chair is not his territory. gotta show the mutt who the alpha is.

the only danger is that your dog could go for your husband's throat, so grab a snug hold on the lead.

you may need to repeat this sequence for two or three days in a row, but then: problem solved.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:08 am
by louburr
put him to sleep

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:23 am
by bennyonesix
Your husband needs to butch up. Dog should be pissing on his chair.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 1:44 am
by johno
syaigh, Relax. A lot of people pay extra for that.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 2:15 am
by dkay
When I read the thread title I thought you had a dog for fucking. Maybe this should be in the Life Hack your Parents thread.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 2:35 am
by Boris
1. Get a new chair.

2. If the dog does it again, put the fear of God into him. I would not stand for that. Piss on my chair? Here, smell your piss, get an earful, and stay outside until it's uncomfortable. Do it again, and you'll be outside indefinitely.

How does he "sneak inside"?

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 2:36 am
by DrDonkeyLove
syaigh wrote:I am about to wrap an electric fence around my chair and I hope he fries his dick off when the urine stream hits it.
This may be a future sig.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 5:59 am
by JimZipCode
Crate him.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 6:14 am
by bennyonesix
Have you reprimanded him? It is a primal thing. He's not being a jerk. He's a dog beng a hierarchical animal. Rub his nose in it and make it clear you don't like it.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 10:45 am
by Sangoma
syaigh wrote:won't stop pissing on my chair. MY CHAIR.

He's very smart, kind of alpha but lets us be in charge most of the time, but the goddamn motherfucker has pissed all over my goddamned chair.

It smells like piss. He doesn't do it because he has to pee. He does it because I'm gone or not paying attention to him. He mostly does it when I'm not here so I've started putting him out on the porch when I'm gone, but he still sneaks in and marks it.

How the fuck do I deal with this? He KNOWS he's supposed to piss outside and always looks for treats when he's done it right.

I am about to wrap an electric fence around my chair and I hope he fries his dick off when the urine stream hits it.

And yes, he knows he's an asshole because after he does it, he hides from me and won't come into the room when I call him.

He's very smart and generally very very sweet, but I have near-teen-aged boys. My whole house smells like piss, dont need any more fucking piss in my house.
Ask HVLN, he was a professional dog trainer. I have similar, though intermittent, problem with my dog - she pisses in her bed in the bathroom where she sleeps at night.

In terms of suggested punishment - it's the first reaction to these kinds of things, and it's wrong. It's a natural human reaction: someone does something wrong - fuck him up. It doesn't work. It's very possible that his urinating is the symptom of separation anxiety. Rubbing his nose in the urine or punishing him after the fact will only make anxiety worse.

Dog training is a serious science, ask someone who does it for a living.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 2:20 pm
by Shafpocalypse Now
Back to the crate massive bear pig dog

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:32 pm
by syaigh
Shafpocalypse Now wrote:Back to the crate massive bear pig dog
See, the problem with this is he's broken three crates. He's truly a gentle giant, but hates the crate. He was roughly 5.5 when we adopted him. He's a little set in his ways.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:52 pm
by dead man walking
put the pissing chair outside for his exclusive use, and also consider going into business, along the lines of johno's insighful suggestion.

and consider yourself lucky that he's not given to coprophagy

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:53 pm
by nafod
Does he squat to pee? Might be too much estrogen in the atmosphere.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:29 pm
by syaigh
Maybe I should take away his Ipad. That'll learn him. And some of you are some disturbed motherfuckers.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:37 pm
by dead man walking
always glad to help

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 7:56 pm
by Turdacious
Maybe it's your fault. Fer instance, did you recently nickname your chair Donald?

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 8:24 pm
by nafod
syaigh wrote:Maybe I should take away his Ipad. That'll learn him.
Just need to get this app

Image

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2017 8:41 pm
by Andy83
Outsmarted by your dog. You can never get rid of that smell. Burn the house to the ground with all your belongings and the dog left inside,

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Fri Jan 20, 2017 12:11 am
by johno
ATTABOY, ANDY!

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 8:24 am
by Protobuilder
I used to hate dogs but now I realize it's generally the people who have dogs who have no idea how to shape their behavior. You deserve this.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Sat Jan 21, 2017 1:29 pm
by The Venerable Bogatir X
Protobuilder wrote:I used to hate dogs but now I realize it's generally the people who have dogs who have no idea how to shape their behavior. You deserve this.
I just caught this post. Much truth in what Proto says. You have mine and Bren's numbers, call one of us and we'll help ya out, Syaigh.

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 1:28 am
by Boris
syaigh wrote:Maybe I should take away his Ipad. That'll learn him. And some of you are some disturbed motherfuckers.
Hope you weren't referring to me, but I'll reiterate and add content just to be clear:
1) Get a new chair
2) Make your displeasure crystal clear. The dog needs to know it's behavior that will not be tolerated. I'm not saying you hit the dog. I'm saying make it clear it's not okay.
3) Give your dog more time and attention (and exercise).

Re: My fucking dog

Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2017 2:54 am
by syaigh
Boris wrote:
syaigh wrote:Maybe I should take away his Ipad. That'll learn him. And some of you are some disturbed motherfuckers.
Hope you weren't referring to me, but I'll reiterate and add content just to be clear:
1) Get a new chair
2) Make your displeasure crystal clear. The dog needs to know it's behavior that will not be tolerated. I'm not saying you hit the dog. I'm saying make it clear it's not okay.
3) Give your dog more time and attention (and exercise).
No, not you. You are quite normal as far as i know. Ive done all of the above, removed odors, established a positive potty routine, but this is marking and im sure its anxiety related. We have used a few trainers but they seem to either be on the "only positive" train, or the shock collar train. I need to find a bearpig resistant crate, but the screened in porch wotks for now. I just dont like putting him out there when its cold. Hes very very smart and also a very good boy in most other areas.

But, talking with igx dog expert tomorrow. Hopefully will learn some ways to work with this.