HARDER-BETTER-FASTER-STRONGER

Post your training journals here if you like. I'll make back-ups to avoid losing your data.

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Beer Jew
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HARDER-BETTER-FASTER-STRONGER

Post by Beer Jew » Wed Apr 25, 2012 11:20 am

Because we all need a new start once in a while.

I'm going to begin by summarizing the last few months of my life. Some people may not be comfortable reading all of it, but to be honest I'm mainly writing it for my benefit. By getting it down on paper I guess it removes some of it from my head. And it will allow me to look back on this post and remind myself that it's in the past.

Over the last six months, a lot of bad things have been happening. I lost a young foster brother to his autistic father, who due to his instabilities decided to deny us access to the child. I can only compare that to the feeling of losing an actual blood brother.

My long time girlfriend began to slip into depression, and I invested all my emotional energy into helping her for two months, only to have it all come crashing down around me a few weeks ago. The struggle I put into helping her, in order to make things work again, drained me emotionally, and I still haven't gotten over her.

Over the last six months I've watched my maternal grandmother, and last remaining grandparent, slip into dementia, and watched her body become ravaged by cancer and numerous infections. She no longer recognizes or remembers us, and has been given a matter of weeks left. If anything goes wrong, it could be any day now.

Those are some of the major things, but all through it's been peppered with other bad bits. At first it created a lot of issues within me about god. Several months ago I believed in a god, but after spending so much time asking and begging for things, and just seemingly being ignored, it starts to create doubts in your mind. Of course, there's the old argument about god testing you, and making you tougher etc, but to be honest I'm done with it now.

There's a lot of things in my life I've been meaning to do, or need to do, that I've been putting off. I have exams coming up in less than a week for example, and I've done no work for them. I've fallen into the horrific cycle of feeling sorry for yourself, and I hate it. If there's one thing I hate more than anything, it's self pity.

The gym has really been the only constant in my life over the last few months. It's almost become an addiction, to the point where I'll pound my lower back into the ground one day, and the next day I'll be back there all over again, just to get a couple of hours of escape from my own mind. This needs to change.

There are things I need to do, and I guess this log will serve as some sort of accountability forum. I'll be logging more than just my workouts now. Here are some of the things I need to accomplish in the near future.

1) Man up and stop feeling sorry for myself. It serves no one and only hurts me more.

2) Begin studying for these exams. I have five in the space of the next three weeks, and I have a years worth of work to look over for each of them. First one's on Monday.

3) Take a week off from the gym. When I go back, I need to remove the anger from my workouts for a while. It's beating me up too much.

4) Restart some form of volunteer work. Although I currently work with autistic people, it's a part time paid job. I've been incredibly selfish the last few months, and that needs to change.

5) Deadlift 600lbs. Put 300lbs overhead. I'll settle for 260kg and 130kg respectively. Those are long term goals. I want to continue weighing under 90kg.

6) Make an effort to move on from her. I don't know if I'm ready for anything serious yet, but a few dates can't hurt.

Hopefully all of this is in the past now. My mind still isn't in a place I'd like it to be, but getting it there will take time. For now though, I need to start making steps with my life again. Hopefully this log will be a step towards that.
Last edited by Beer Jew on Wed May 09, 2012 6:37 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Dunn
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Dunn » Wed Apr 25, 2012 12:21 pm

Get to it, hoss. Sorry for the bad shit, but it will pick up again.

The Ginger Beard Man
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by The Ginger Beard Man » Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:41 pm

The last two years have been hell for me. The gym has been my refuge from it all. Good luck. The ups and downs are just a part of life.
As far as God goes, and prayer. I've been told over and over in AA not to ask for anything in my prayers except His will for me, and the power to carry it out. I have no idea who or what I pray to, and I don't really care. I just try to do it. There was a good Bruce Lee quote around here recently, about not asking for an easy time, but only for a strong back to carry the burden, or something like that.
Blaidd Drwg wrote:Disengage from the outcome and do work.
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by nafod » Wed Apr 25, 2012 2:47 pm

Many have walked your path before and emerged strong on the other end. Keep plugging!
Don’t believe everything you think.

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odin
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by odin » Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:02 pm

That's a bad run of things, but some good goals: concentrating on things you can control etc. Re the G-d thing, I'm no expert but there's demonstrable psychological benefit from stuff like prayer etc, even if it turns out that the universe was created by Richard Dawkins. I'd maybe let go of the big questions for now and focus on getting the smaller, practical stuff in order, as per your goals.

I can help you out with number 6 too - what you doing Friday?? Just kidding, there's no way my parents would let me date a Jewish boy.

On a serious point, good luck with it all.
Don't try too hard, don't not try too hard

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Bobby
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Bobby » Wed Apr 25, 2012 3:08 pm

Good luck with everything BJ! Remember there is a lot of nice things all around you.
You`ll toughen up.Unless you have a serious medical condition commonly refered to as
"being a pussy".

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Beer Jew
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Beer Jew » Thu Apr 26, 2012 5:29 pm

Thank you for the kind words boys.

It's amazing what a conscious decision can do to you. Especially when you almost force yourself to feel a certain way.

The last couple of days have been a lot better. I'm still going to the gym, but I'm toning it down, and no heavy deadlifts. I think my shoulders need a break though.

Went out for some beer with some mates yesterday, just after I hit the gym. At the gym I got thrown out the weightroom due to a class about to be held there, but before I went I spoke to the weightlifting coach, (pretty decent 69kg lifter), who told me to come down next Wednesday and he'd fix my powerclean form, and see if he can teach me to jerk.

Went again today, and started with some power snatches. Worked up to a few singles with 60kg, then dropped to 50kg for some hang triples. Did about 3 to 5 sets with 50. 50 is easy, 60 is difficult. This is my second time ever doing them though, so they'll need some work. I think hang snatches could be useful for strongman.

Followed that up with some push presses up to a single with 90kg, then a beltless single with 90kg behind the neck (very very easy), then some behind the neck singles with 100-110kg.

Tonight, gonna head down to the driving range to smack some balls with an ice cold bottle of Stella, then head over to a mates house to revise long into the morning. A female friend of course. All part of the ''getting over it'' stage.

I also discovered Carly Rae Jepsen today.. she's to me what Katy is to Mickey. Not only is she hot, but she has a voice that just begs you to fuck her. Too much gay topless guy in her video though, and her musics kind of bent. I need some nekkid pics.


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odin
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by odin » Thu Apr 26, 2012 7:17 pm

Good start - which coach is it? No worries if you don't want to say.
Don't try too hard, don't not try too hard

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Beer Jew
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Beer Jew » Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:15 pm

Hey Odin.. I didn't actually catch his name when he told me. I'll find out next week. Don't think he's anything major though.

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Beer Jew
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Beer Jew » Fri Apr 27, 2012 2:27 pm

Got kicked out of the weightroom again today. Apparently the private university weight room is being refurbished, so the strength and conditioning course commandeer ours whenever they feel like it.

Before I got kicked out, I started with some power snatches. Just did a shitton of triples with 50kg. Still trying to nail the speed and movement pattern down. Once I do, I'll load some weight on quickly. I like doing the first rep from the floor, and the next two from the hang.

Then went into the rack, for some pushpresses. The conditioning course came in, so I had to be quick. Did a triple with 60 and 80kg, then a single with 90kg. Very easy. This is an easy everyday weight now, however tired I am. Quickly followed it with an easy 100kg from behind the neck. After that I did:

Deadlifts: 190kg: 5 singles....... 170kg: Set of 5

Dips: 5 sets of 8

Started revising properly. Did some last night, and some this morning, and I'll do some more now. Eating like a horse lately, to compensate for the high frequency/intensity I've been doing, and drinking a lot of coffee with some voltaron or voltarol whatever it's called.

Things have picked up a lot recently. I've learned to focus my mind on other things, and push down the ''bad thoughts'' when they surface.

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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Abandoned by Wolves » Fri Apr 27, 2012 5:49 pm

Beer Jew wrote:Because we all need one once in a while.

I'm going to begin by summarizing the last few months of my life. Some people may not be comfortable reading all of it, but to be honest I'm mainly writing it for my benefit. By getting it down on paper I guess it removes some of it from my head. And it will allow me to look back on this post and remind myself that it's in the past.

Over the last six months, a lot of bad things have been happening. I lost a young foster brother to his autistic father, who due to his instabilities decided to deny us access to the child. I can only compare that to the feeling of losing an actual blood brother.

My long time girlfriend began to slip into depression, and I invested all my emotional energy into helping her for two months, only to have it all come crashing down around me a few weeks ago. The struggle I put into helping her, in order to make things work again, drained me emotionally, and I still haven't gotten over her.

Over the last six months I've watched my maternal grandmother, and last remaining grandparent, slip into dementia, and watched her body become ravaged by cancer and numerous infections. She no longer recognizes or remembers us, and has been given a matter of weeks left. If anything goes wrong, it could be any day now.

Those are some of the major things, but all through it's been peppered with other bad bits. At first it created a lot of issues within me about god. Several months ago I believed in a god, but after spending so much time asking and begging for things, and just seemingly being ignored, it starts to create doubts in your mind. Of course, there's the old argument about god testing you, and making you tougher etc, but to be honest I'm done with it now.

There's a lot of things in my life I've been meaning to do, or need to do, that I've been putting off. I have exams coming up in less than a week for example, and I've done no work for them. I've fallen into the horrific cycle of feeling sorry for yourself, and I hate it. If there's one thing I hate more than anything, it's self pity.

The gym has really been the only constant in my life over the last few months. It's almost become an addiction, to the point where I'll pound my lower back into the ground one day, and the next day I'll be back there all over again, just to get a couple of hours of escape from my own mind. This needs to change.

There are things I need to do, and I guess this log will serve as some sort of accountability forum. I'll be logging more than just my workouts now. Here are some of the things I need to accomplish in the near future.

1) Man up and stop feeling sorry for myself. It serves no one and only hurts me more.

2) Begin studying for these exams. I have five in the space of the next three weeks, and I have a years worth of work to look over for each of them. First one's on Monday.

3) Take a week off from the gym. When I go back, I need to remove the anger from my workouts for a while. It's beating me up too much.

4) Restart some form of volunteer work. Although I currently work with autistic people, it's a part time paid job. I've been incredibly selfish the last few months, and that needs to change.

5) Deadlift 600lbs. Put 300lbs overhead. I'll settle for 260kg and 130kg respectively. Those are long term goals. I want to continue weighing under 90kg.

6) Make an effort to move on from her. I don't know if I'm ready for anything serious yet, but a few dates can't hurt.

Hopefully all of this is in the past now. My mind still isn't in a place I'd like it to be, but getting it there will take time. For now though, I need to start making steps with my life again. Hopefully this log will be a step towards that.
Damn, man, that's a rough patch indeed. But it sounds to me as though you've got a name for your pain and a plan to deal with it and a direction you want to go. Good deal. Go to it.
"I also think training like a Navy S.E.A.L. is stupid for the average person. I would say PT like an infantry unit, run, body weight stuff, hump a little, a little weights and enjoy life if you are not training for specifics." -tough old man

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Beer Jew
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Beer Jew » Sun Apr 29, 2012 9:05 am

Thanks ABW. I would say each day gets better, but the occasional spanner gets thrown in.

No training over the weekend. I'm gonna take it easy this week.

Went to hit some balls on the driving range last night, then headed back to a mates house to watch the football and drink some beer.

The ex started texting me whilst I was there. Turns out she's started self harming again. She's consistently refused to get help for her depression (primarily because she doesn't believe she has it). She doesn't want my help, just my attention. When I suggested that perhaps she needed help, she got very verbally abusive. I deleted the texts, and tried to put it out my mind, but giving up on someone I once (and to be honest still do) care so much about, is a lot harder than I thought it would be.


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Beer Jew
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Beer Jew » Sun Apr 29, 2012 5:47 pm

Popped down to the gym for an hour in the end. A friend of mine just joined my gym, and she wanted me to show her round, so I decided to get a little work in.

Power snatches: Some triples with 50kg

Push press: 100kg: 3 singles

BNPP: 100kg x 1, 110kg x 1

Deficit deadlift: (bar resting on top of feet): 140kg x 3, 150kg x 3, 160kg x 3,3

EDIT: Forgot squats: 140kg: 3,2,2,2,2

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Beer Jew
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Beer Jew » Mon Apr 30, 2012 8:51 pm

I wanted to stay out the gym this week, but I needed a break from studying and general thinking.

Popped in for 45 minutes: Just did 6 or 7 push press singles with 100kg, and then deadlifts up to a single with 200kg. A quick beltless backoff set with 150kg for 5.

Forgot to cancel work despite the exam tomorrow, so I had to go. Kind of nice to be able to work with kids like that, especially after the terrible news about Aidan. Nice to see it's not all shit. The group I work with had bought a huge inflatable ball, which after blowing up, we managed to convince one of the kids, (they're all severely autistic), to go inside, and then we rolled him around the place. The look on his face after was awesome.

I was going to pull an all nighter tonight, but I should probably get a couple of hours sleep before the exam tomorrow. I've still got a shitload of stuff to look over, so I'll probably work till about 4, then hit the sack for a couple of hours.

Overall, things are picking up. Went to visit my grandmother yesterday, during one of her more rare lucid moments, and showed her some pictures of her dogs that I picked up at her place. She used to look after retired guide dogs, and at any point would have 7 or 8 dogs in her house. I think that's what she misses most. The pictures made her cry a little, at the memories, but she was happy to see them. I had a long chat with her, and from what I picked up, it seems she's made peace with whats happening to her, and wants everyone else to as well. Just before I left she drifted off for a few minutes, and when she woke up,looked at me as if to say ''who are you?'', and then stared out the window. Luckily I got there for the few minutes that she was lucid.

As I said, things are picking up. It's going to be a while before its all sunshine and daisies again, but there's definitely an upwards trend, which is all I can ask for.

I'm out.

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odin
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by odin » Mon Apr 30, 2012 9:00 pm

good luck for the exam tomorrow. Your work sounds like it's worthwhile - and a good antidote to all the stuff you mentioned in the opening post.
Don't try too hard, don't not try too hard

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Bobby
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Bobby » Mon Apr 30, 2012 10:01 pm

Good luck,BJ!
You`ll toughen up.Unless you have a serious medical condition commonly refered to as
"being a pussy".

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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Mickey O'neil » Mon Apr 30, 2012 11:17 pm

Good luck, BJ.

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Beer Jew
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Re: ~~~A New Start~~~

Post by Beer Jew » Wed May 02, 2012 8:34 am

Thanks boys. I killed the exam. Three past papers word for word. Couldn't have asked for a better first exam.

It's great work Odin. I basically help out with an evening group for young adults with severe autism. They come for a few hours and cook, or do art, or play sports.. whatever they want really. It's an incredibly humbling, constant learning experience. You can't help but be happy around guys like that. Hopefully once uni's over for the summer I'll start doing some more work with them.

Quick trip to the gym yesterday.

Squats: Singles up to 150kg
BNPP: Singles up to 110kg
Powerclean and push press: 80kg, 85kg, 90kg: A few singles each
Dumbell clean and push press: 40kg: 10-15 reps with right hand in 2 sets. Managed one rep with left hand. The co-ordinations all wrong in my left hand. I'll have to start lighter and work up.

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Beer Jew
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Re: ----A New Start----

Post by Beer Jew » Thu May 03, 2012 7:01 pm

Another exam tomorrow. Gonna be another late night.

Took a quick break from studying to pop into the gym for an hour.

Squats: 70kg, 110kg, 130kg, 140kg, 150kg, 160kg x 1 = PR!

Elevated deadlifts (bar around mid shin level): Work up to 190kg x 3

Deadlift: 140kg x 10, 100kg x 10

Some parallel grip pullups

The 160kg squat was surprisingly easy. If my knees could take it I'd do the whole daily max thing. Frequent squatting seems to be the ticket.

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Re: ----A New Start----

Post by odin » Thu May 03, 2012 7:48 pm

good work on the pr. Squat is def more technique intensive than the DL, (imo), but with the strngth built up in your dead I reckon some practice would take you up to 180kg in pretty quick time.
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Bobby
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Re: ----A New Start----

Post by Bobby » Thu May 03, 2012 9:55 pm

The question has to be asked:how far can you throw a softball?
Good job BJ,both with the exam and the lifting!
You`ll toughen up.Unless you have a serious medical condition commonly refered to as
"being a pussy".

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Beer Jew
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Re: ----A New Start----

Post by Beer Jew » Fri May 04, 2012 12:36 pm

Thanks Bobby. And I can throw a tennis ball pretty far. No idea about a softball.

Killed this exam too. Because I'm a stud, obviously.

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Re: ----A New Start----

Post by Mickey O'neil » Fri May 04, 2012 12:54 pm

Nice work on the exams, BJ.

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Beer Jew
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Re: ----A New Start----

Post by Beer Jew » Fri May 04, 2012 3:30 pm

Thanks Mickey.

Figured I'd head to the gym for a quick post exam training session.

Push presses: 90kg x 4,3,3,3... 100kg x 2.... 105kg x 1 (Rep PR's on the 90 and 100 set)

Grace: 4:50 (Think it was grace.. 30 clean and push presses with 135)

Pretty terrible time on Grace, but given that it was just after a decent push press workout, plus I smoke a pack of reds a day, plus I'm running on about 30 hours of no sleep, I'll take it.

The weight wasn't heavy at all. Endurance wise, it was horrible.

Push presses all fast and snappy. I thought I might have made 110 from the front, given how fast the 105 was, but figured I'll leave it for another day.

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Re: ---Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger---

Post by Beer Jew » Sun May 06, 2012 3:17 pm

Training is going to change slightly. With the summer coming up, and no competitions planned for the near future, gym work will focus more on enjoying myself, whilst becoming, as the title suggests, harder, better, faster and stronger. Training will be more crossfittish, only not retarded.

Bodyweight: 88kg

Push presses: (No belt):
90kg x 2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2,2
100kg x 1,1,1 = No belt PR.

Deadlifts:
180kg: 2,2,2

Box Jumps:
Work up to a 42 inch box jump from standing still.
Then did about 40 single jumps at varying heights between 32 and 42 inches, finishing with a set of 10 at 36 inches.


This is the first time I've ever done any form of jumping. I don't really know how to train it, but I guess I'll just hit lots of jumps between 36-42, and bump it up by an inch every now and again. a 50inch box jump would be cool. It's kinda fun cardio I guess.

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