How do we hang on?

[motherjuggs&speed]

There's a question that comes up for me, especially in Winter. We all know a lot of things we should do for better mental and physical health. (As a side note I've been reading The Myth of Mental Illness by Thomas Szasz, in which Szasz argues that there is no such thing as mental illness. People either have a physical issue, or else they are adapting to the stresses of life.) But my question is, how do we find or keep the desire to be well in the first place? I get in zones where I actively turn away from things that I know I should do, things I know are good for me, and even things I enjoy. I've been in this state for a long time to some degree and it's way worse in Winter. How do people regain the desire for healthy living? I once tried to find both rest and reconnection by going into nature but that didn't work that well and it isn't really a viable option for me right now anyway. Is there something that keeps people sane(ish)? Certainly bad habits beget more of the same but it seems so hard to find the desire for betterness in the first place.

I get that when people are down far enough they stop wanting better, or don't want it enough to overcome inertia, habit, diminished capacity, or the damage that caused them to retreat from life (in my case) in the first place. If there's a pill that gives people healthy desires I'll take it. I thought I kind of found it with my stack but it's not enough by itself to keep the demons away.

What do some people have in this area that others lack? Does it boil down to a few key factors? Certainly inputs have enormous consequences. Self belief is huge here as well and beliefs can take root in a pernicious way. I don't know how anyone overcomes things but why do some people have the desire to be better and how did they get it?

[Bram]

How do we find or keep the desire to be well in the first place?

When healthy, life's easier and better.

When unhealthy, life's harder and worse.

Before that, you have to believe that you can change. Go do a set of as many good push-ups as you can. Come back in two days and try again. You probably can do an extra one or two. That works for anything. You might need a new approach when you hit a plateau, but you'll keep improving once you find it.


How do people regain the desire for healthy living?

That's tricky.

Maybe something negative inspires you. You could get dumped and decide to take care of yourself to find someone new.

Maybe it's something positive. You might start a job where people are really friendly and supportive. You feel better about yourself and decide to eat healthier and pick up jogging.


Is there something that keeps people sane(ish)?

Things that personally help:

* Don't give unsolicited advice
* Don't watch the news
* Work on how I talk to myself
* Avoid toxic people/set boundaries
* Do things I love, spend time with people I love


What do some people have in this area that others lack?

I think the biggest thing is a support system. If the people around you are mean or indifferent, or you talk to yourself that way, it's hard.


Why do some people have the desire to be better and how did they get it?

I wasn't happy, so I made changes in hopes I would be.

I started with what you could call "winning-based improvements." Getting A's, reaching high scores in video games, having a six-pack. Personally, I found this unfulfilling.

Over time, I've shifted to "connection-based improvements." Surfing better (which in reality is just blending with the ocean's energy better), more positive energy in my interactions with others, prioritizing reading engaging books over books that might impress someone else. I find this deeply enjoyable.

[motherjuggs&speed]

Thanks for the thoughts. I think for me influences are a big part of it. I get a lot of extreme ugliness from people in my life. It feels me with rage, hate and self loathing. It's every day. I'd like to stay inside for at least six months to train and see if life is any better then. For some people defeat makes them determined to do better. It had that effect on me once but now, well, I shouldn't say what effect it has on me now. Early life experiences also affect me every day. I've done a lot of work on this but not enough, and not always in healthy ways.

I just spent an hour on the first draft of this and realized that I'm still doing it, meaning thinking and acting in ways that aren't the most helpful. Even right now my tendencies are taking over. I'll revisit this later once I get some work done and think about this some more.

[motherjuggs&speed]

I think I have to take this as both a daily thing and a project, but with the emphasis on hitting each day as hard as I can. It's scary for me to feel like I'm losing it but I have to not let that feeling drag me further into the abyss. I feel like I'm coming apart and then I do things I shouldn't. It's also alarming to think that I'm as good as I'm going to get and all I can do is hang on to what I still have with both hands.

I felt like I was doing some good work with all this in October. Winter is its own thing. I have to work much harder to keep the winter gloom away and not get bogged down.

The only thing I can say that helps me is avoiding the things that are bad for me. Consistently, as in every day. No relapses. I feel like my brain gets tired but I can take the weekend off and just watch movies all day if I need to. I also have to remember that sanity will return and I don't have to succumb to, or steer into, the mad moods. My brain boils over and sometimes it seems like just the thing to have a drink and let my mind go boingo boingo for a while. But I have to remember the price tag. I also have to remember that I will return to sanity in about the same amount of time whether I do some dumb shit or not so the only sensible thing is to wait it out. Maybe lift a little, maybe write, but none of the crazy stuff.

[Bram]

Good luck!

I’m reading The Ministry for our Future by Kim Stanley Robinson, and I’m struck by how much his writing reminds me of yours. He’s very successful and this is a genuine compliment. You might enjoy the book too.