IGX

What do you guys think is the proper response to psychological trauma? Obviously there are things people don't come back from, and there are many reactions that people have and people differ in their ability (willingness?) to recover. But I wonder what the right response is. No response I've ever had to any loss or injury has been either helpful or correct. I've tried many things, including depression, rage and uncorking rants on message boards.

My view is that people choose to lie to themselves when something happens to them. They tell themselves things, and tell themselves that those things help. For example, forgiveness. I don't buy this one at all but maybe I'm incorrect.

Clearly it's wrong for a person to act like nothing happened. For example, should I ever try to enjoy anything again? I don't think so. Should I do the things I did before certain events occurred? Obviously not.

We see people exhibit a lot of bad responses. But what is the right way to deal with things?

I'm all over the place with this. I realize as I write this that my search for The Right Thing, both with this question and in general, is a weak, lazy approach. I should simply do what I think the right thing is. I've been wrong so many times, though. I know many wrong reactions but what's the right one? Thoughts?

Edited because the blob doesn't have a sense of humor.

I'm far from an expert, so I can only speak for myself. My childhood shit had me not dealing with or identifying the issues properly. The first step I took down a path to great healing was understanding that my emotions were getting the best of me. I was completely out of wack. Had to let go of a lot of anger and expectations of anything outside of my own mind. I was finally being honest with myself and letting go of egotistical notions. Moving toward peace every day.

Off the top of my head, you can respond to psychological trauma in two healthy ways:

Learn From

This can take a lot of forms.

Maybe a beaten child vows to never hit their own children. This happened with my dad who was viciously abused by his father.

Move Past

Personally, EMDR has been helpful. In my neighborhood there’s many therapists that specialize in it. I’ve experimented lightly with Internal Family Systems and liked what I’ve seen.

Moving past trauma is very individualized and there’s a ton of options. I’m not saying what helped me will help everyone. I was lucky to stumble across approaches that personally worked.

Bram, RR, thanks for the thoughts.

I used to think that some people sustain trauma and are then okay(ish). But many people are scarred. For some that motivates them. On Soft White Underbelly most of the people he has on are simply broken and react to their trauma in unhealthy ways, but some have managed to use their experience in more positive ways. Often it's a mix of both.

For me a big one is remembering that I can do things to deal with the event in question instead of letting it build like I tend to do. Another is acting to prevent further mishaps. I slept well today so I'm able to think about things a lot better than I usually do. I still hate the same people but I'm not as prone to hate loops, which aren't productive for me.

When I was 15, my dad had a girlfriend (they eventually got married, then divorced). Until that point, I always thought that by the time people were adults they’d “figure it out.” By that, I mean things like how to treat others and deal with conflict. But she was constantly acting super weird, cold, or creating unnecessary drama. I thought this behavior was reserved for homeless crazies or drug-addicts.

She had some serious, nuclear-level trauma, which I didn’t find out about until years later. But I took it as a wake up call. You either figure your shit out, or you reap the consequences. Nothing’s guaranteed in terms of growth.