IGX

I'm jealous of someone, because they have a master's degree and I do not. I graduated college with honors, so it's not like I'd be fucked if I tried for one, but there's a part of me that still doesn't believe I could do it.

As a result, I view myself as less-than-them. And I think I've treated them as less-than-me, in an attempt to feel better.

It's a shitty realization, but hey, that's why I'm sharing it! I'd like to turn this negative thing into a positive path.

Ideas?

After talking with a number of people, I think the main issue isn't brainpower self-esteem. I believe it's self-esteem around discipline and hard work.

Made a list of five major categories to put time and effort into.

Also booked a therapy session for tomorrow to discuss it a lil' deeper.

I think it's an interesting subject, please share any thoughts :)

Bram
thanks for your reply

Bram
i want to delete the above message by 10:30 AM Pacific standard time january 22 wednesday . if you didn't read it and want it you will have to send me your email address.

Lenny,

As always, thank you for your time and sharing your expertise!

Thanks to you, I've picked up multiple books, been exposed to good music, and have a metric for evaluating (and re-evaluating) how to make my activities more in alignment with what makes me happy. Thank you!!

I copied your post into a notes folder on my computer, including the Tara Brach link. If you want to delete it, feel free.


In regard to my jealousy of an MA....

I have a strong driver from childhood of "Am I good enough?" My mom died when I was 8 or 9, and my dad was checked out for about 5-6 years after that. Although he became warm and loving again, there was a period where I thought his coldness and distance was due to a failing on my part. An, "If I was better, he'd love me" thing.

While diminished, those feelings still pop up.


In regard to journaling as you suggested....

I have the journal here, which is my main one.
I have a chores list on my fridge, which is a great canary in the coal mine for my mental health.
I have a few folders on my phone, for various things.

I approach my principles in a binary fashion. For example, did choosing to act despite fear benefit me? If yes, then I try to do it in all situations. Journaling here isn't as important, except for noteworthy successes or failures.


In regard to what do I want out of life....

That's a great question! I think I want three main things:

Connection: whether it's having a great conversation, feeling harmony with the ocean when surfing, or having the chess pieces dance when playing a game

Fun: I'd rather be smiling and laughing in the ocean instead of stone-faced waiting for the next wave.

Positively Impacting Others: this could be sharing a great training program for someone to feel good skiing, letting a friend crash on my couch when he's in a rough financial spot, or regularly calling a family member when he's in a bad mental space


Have I increased my ability to do each over the last 5 years? Yes. That's due to physical, mental, and spiritual growth. I hope it continues!!


my e-mail's [email protected]

feel free to send an e-mail, I usually respond in a few days.


I wish you luck with your goals and appreciate you helping me reach mine!

Bram
I sent a long email to the address you gave me above

E-mailed Lenny a reply.

Last night, I met for drinks with the person I was jealous of. An hour or so into the conversation, I brought it up. Haha, and they seemed to assume when I admitted to jealousy, it was to be of something else.

Consistently, I’ve found that surrendering the illusory image of having-things-figured-out to others, especially in subjects that are often taboo, often results in them lowering their own castle walls. The opposite of oneupmanship.

Later, when they talked about their recent loss of their mother, which they clearly were suppressing, I reflexively gave them a hug—it seemed to startle them, not the hug, but their own vulnerability.

It felt cathartic to admit it and I now know that for me to feel whole, I need to include some measure of discipline.

NLP has been consigned to history as a bit of a quack field but within it I found some useful models and beliefs. One is that if something is in the domain of human experience, it can be modelled and achieved by others. When it comes to education, I think about Green Berets in Vietnam that trained hill people to fight. It might have been in regards to firing mortars, but they realised they needed to teach them basic, pre-school numeracy before all the combat training. They got there!

I don't feel acute jealously these days, maybe envious, but reconcile it with 'I could be there if I put in the work like that person has'.