IGX

A bureau of the US State Dept --- which shall remain nameless --- has asked me to travel to various countries and speak. Not like France or Italy. It's more the kind of places I usually go to. Anyway, I had to think, "well gee, why would they want me?" The mellifluous speaking voice, the dignity with which I carry myself, the razor sharp wit, my unquestioned facility with the fucking language, the movie star good looks? Maybe the fact that, while they will pick up business class expenses, I will get no speaker's fee.

Perhaps all these fine attributes were considered. In any case, I shall represent America with panache and elan. (Pardon my French.) I know all of you could think of no one better for the purpose. I accept your salutes.

Will you bring me something?

(for all you perverts and lowlifes this was meant to be a humorous echoing of what my kids say every time I leave the house)

ATTA BOY SEEAHILL!!!!!

Just don't take any of your books, we'd probably never hear from you again.

Timmy the diplomat!

Business class on the right airline es muy bueno.

syaigh wrote:Will you bring me something?

(

My friend went to a bunch of emerging countries and all I got was this lousy AK-47.

i thought the govt was shut down

who's paying?

I dare you to let Kaz write one of your talks

How do you say Mile High Club in Swahili?

nafod wrote:How do you say Mile High Club in Swahili?

Ngono ndege.

BucketHead wrote:I dare you to let Kaz write one of your talks

That'd be great. I go to a at least one white guy vodka country. They would probably love Kaz.

dead man walking wrote:i thought the govt was shut down

who's paying?

It happens in Feb/March. Apparently they think it'll all be solved by then.

Be sure to let us know who's got the best prostitutes with the fewest stds. A friend if mine wants to know.

You taking a security team? Bats and I are free then...

tough old man wrote:You taking a security team? Bats and I are free then...

That's a generous offer. Be on the ready. You'll be the Hasty team. My coded message for help will be: fuck me. You see that: Let loose the Hellfires.

seeahill wrote:

dead man walking wrote:i thought the govt was shut down

who's paying?

It happens in Feb/March. Apparently they think it'll all be solved by then.

So? How the fuck is the person contacting you an essential employee? They're in charge of asking a travel writer to talk to foreigners in a country that only has one car per village.

Read Bob Wilde.

I'll stick with my previous assessment.

seeahill wrote:A bureau of the US State Dept --- which shall remain nameless --- has asked me to travel to various countries

In other words, you're being extradited.

protobuilder wrote:

seeahill wrote:A bureau of the US State Dept --- which shall remain nameless --- has asked me to travel to various countries

In other words, you're being extradited.

Well played old chap

I'm calling bullshit on this whole fucking trip. Timmah is angling for some Tom Hanks movie shit where he gets captured by some jungle warlord and Delta Seals have to come and rescure his sorry ass. What happened to you Timmah?

Shapecharge wrote:I'm calling bullshit on this whole fucking trip. Timmah is angling for some Tom Hanks movie shit where he gets captured by some jungle warlord and Delta Seals have to come and rescure his sorry ass. What happened to you Timmah?

I figure the $$$ from the movie deal would make up for the fact that I don't get any speaker's fee.

Timmah it's highly likely you'll be repeatedly sexually assaulted during your capture...so, I guess you want us to wait two weeks before we send in the Delta Seals?

Wait second. Is our resident coloring book "author" going to wild bill's without us. He's supposed to be our mildly retarded decoy along with proto, isn't he?

Fuck this shit.