My death, yada yada, and goodbye to the readers...

[seeahill]

I wrote yet another story about my drowning/death on the Colorado. It was for the 40 anniversary of Outside Magazine. I was a guy who helped start the Mag out, 40 years ago.

How do you say, in a literate fashion, that I hereby retire from that sort of shit?

[Schlegel]

No thing will ever beat "I vant to be alone"

[Schlegel]

"I'm getting to old for this shit!" works too.

[Turdacious]

'Pecked to death by dicks.'

[DrDonkeyLove]

How do you say, in a literate fashion, that I hereby retire from that sort of shit?

Perhaps something along the line that you don't have to adventure yourself to death to enjoy life.
Or, how you cheated death multiple times but actually dying was an enough is enough moment.

[Turdacious]

Or maybe just focus on gay erotica involving a Limey living in Italy...

[Grandpa's Spells]

Just start making shit up. "In retaliation for sitting on his hat, one of the guides fed tequila and viagra to the burro, then ran off. I only work with female burros now."

[Pinky]

I wrote yet another story about my drowning/death on the Colorado....

How do you say, in a literate fashion, that I hereby retire from that sort of shit?

Good luck retiring from death.

[Shapecharge]

For fucks sake are you doing this shit on purpose? Clarity is not one of your strengths...what are you retiring from? Writing, in general? Magazine writing? Starting magazines? Drowing/dying? All the above? Some of the above? A & B but not C?

[seeahill]

Sorry. I mean courting dangner. That could be physical, or like some little teenage dick holding a rifle on me. Or walking through the Amazon. I'm done with that shit.

[johno]

So you're selling the cabin?

[nafod]

I watched some cliff jumping video on YouTube last night, and at the end of it the guy talked about how he had 100,000 subscribers to his channel, and how super excited he was, and how it gave him meaning that he didn't have from his day job. I wondered what he'd have to do next to keep his fan base, and what he was willing to do to retain his celebrity, and what he does when no one is looking.

Embedding the youtube doesn't work.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtKrmOc6xMQ

[Shapecharge]

Alright I gotta know...what's the story of the teenager holding a gun on you. That would totally not be cool. Give the scoop.

[nafod]

Alright I gotta know...what's the story of the teenager holding a gun on you. That would totally not be cool. Give the scoop.

Seeahill tried to sell him some bad H, cut with old man's nutsack powder

[Turdacious]

Alright I gotta know...what's the story of the teenager holding a gun on you. That would totally not be cool. Give the scoop.

The kid was probably forced to read one of his books. Perfectly reasonable response.

[Shapecharge]

Shit. I'm losing my edge. I totally didn't even think about that Turd. Occam's Razor, right?

[DrDonkeyLove]

Timmy.....African desert.....camels.....young innocent camel driver.....kid defending self and camels against deviant American.....the thing practically writes itself.

[syaigh]

Are you saying you failed to die a second time? SAD!

[Turdacious]

Shit. I'm losing my edge. I totally didn't even think about that Turd. Occam's Razor, right?

At least until Gav paints a timmah symbol on the hood of his car in an effort to provide inspiration.

[seeahill]

I watched some cliff jumping video on YouTube last night, and at the end of it the guy talked about how he had 100,000 subscribers to his channel, and how super excited he was, and how it gave him meaning that he didn't have from his day job. I wondered what he'd have to do next to keep his fan base, and what he was willing to do to retain his celebrity, and what he does when no one is looking.

Embedding the youtube doesn't work.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtKrmOc6xMQ

That's one I figured out early. Wow, I got a big response for flying a hot air balloon over Pikes Peak. (which I did.) What could I now do that is more fool-hearty and dangerous? That, as you surely see, is a good way to die young.

On Shape's point: teenage kids holding guns on you is par for the course in places like Sierra Leone, at remote border crossings in South America (the kid gunners are soldiers not yet able to grow a mustache. In Columbia, when I interviewed FARC folk, there were lots of kids with guns on me. It was called the children's war. When the Soviet Union fell there were lots of remote places you could visit, but they had no army of their own. Remote borders = boy soldiers with AK47s. Shape, honestly, it happened so many times I almost laughed about it.

[seeahill]

So, anyway, it feels a little sad, because, after 40 years, I don't think I'll write anything for Outside again. I helped found the magazine, I was certainly identified with it for years. So I wrote this current story for the 40th anniversary. They wanted a little about death in the Grand Canyon and history of the mag and maybe a personal reflection on all this. I did a pretty good piece. It'll be out in mid-Sept or so.

After the editing process, they ask me what I want to do next and I wonder if they read the piece at all. I'm done. That's what I said, between the lines.

Now:

I'm going to write old guy books. "How to Keep Those Damn Kids Off Your Lawn." Or "Use a Golf Cart Moron: Think you're Tarzan or Something." Or maybe "Brunch: How to Beat the Early Bird Diner Crowd."

But I'm keeping the cabin.

[Turdacious]

Put that all together-- having guns pointed at you all over the world over a 40 year period might make for an interesting essay or book.

[Shapecharge]

Tim I like to tease and give you some shit but in this instance I've got nothing but mad props...that would be fucking crazy. I could see being there, armed, in some military capacity and having to deal with it but, unarmed as a journalist? Fuck. That.