The couch thread

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Grandpa's Spells
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Grandpa's Spells »

If those numbers are remotely close, Couch was indeed not in the same universe as Anthos when it comes to an offer.
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Yes I Have Balls »

Am I the only one who reads this and thinks, "How is the PR firm hired by Anthos behind this?" The beginning of the article seems pro Glassman, which I think is intentional to keep Glassman supporters reading, but then it seems to end by saying if the Anthos deal goes through it may not change things all that much. I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist but if I were trying to change people's perceptions I'd try to plant little seeds that make it seem like not that big of a deal.
LOL ](*,) Either that, or Couch is in such a tizzy that he could lose his dwarf giraffe and the lifestyle, that he is poisoning the well.

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Re: The couch thread

Post by I'd Hit It »

Lauren, sure you can trust Couch to keep giving you your contractually obligated payouts and not weasel out of them. Sure. Who wouldn't take the lump sum if the alternative was depending on HQ to not screw you over?

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Jay »

I'd Hit It wrote:Lauren, sure you can trust Couch to keep giving you your contractually obligated payouts and not weasel out of them. Sure. Who wouldn't take the lump sum if the alternative was depending on HQ to not screw you over?
I'm sure a contract and threat of litigation would prevent that. Nobody wants to get drug into court over that kind of money.

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Jay »

But I am positive it would be fucking stupid to not only screw over an ex wife financially but to also break a contract.

That wouldn't end well for couch


tzg
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Re: The couch thread

Post by tzg »

Specifically, they have helped us, at our request, to complete acquisitions, raise debt financing, evaluate new business lines, develop long-term strategic plans, recruit management talent, and implement financial controls.
This is what really gets to them. Long-term strategic plans, recruit management talent, implement financial controls.

Also, my bet is that Lauren doesn't trust CF to be enough of a going concern to continue to generate that kind of money. To give her several million in five years, they still have to be making that kind of money in five years, and that is, frankly, not guaranteed under current management. Better to run, take the money.


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Re: The couch thread

Post by Mountebank »

I wonder if any of the Kool-Aid drinkers have even looked at this page on Anthos' website?
http://www.anthoscapital.com/strategy.html
Strategy

Anthos' objective is to help entrepreneurs build exceptional, valuable companies. We are highly committed to the businesses we invest in as we only make a small number of investments each year.

Company Stage

Anthos invests in emerging growth companies that have breakout potential.

Transaction Types

Owner objectives determine the structure of our investment. Anthos invests in the following situations:

Growth initiatives such as geographic expansion, launching new products or services
Strategic acquisitions that enhance the core business
Capital to provide existing owners with funds for net worth diversification and liquidity purposes

Team

Anthos believes that an important determinant of the success of an investment is the team. Specifically, we look for teams that possess the following qualities: entrepreneurial talent characterized by creativity and feverish optimism, management ability to guide growth and execute on opportunities, and domain expertise of the product offering and the sector in which the company competes.

Target Industries

Anthos opportunistically invests across a range of industries including consumer, healthcare, business services, and other growth areas.

Ownership

Anthos is flexible with regards to ownership structure. In contrast to many other investment firms that insist on control, we take minority positions in companies. We find that minority investments lead to better goal congruence as they allow entrepreneurs to retain substantial upside in their companies. We also invest in situations where owners are seeking a timely and efficient transition out of their businesses.
So...other companies that Anthos has helped say that they don't "take over", and Anthos' own Strategy page specifically says that they want minority positions and don't "take over". I think couch's Glassassination abilities are getting too weak with time and disuse.

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Shafpocalypse Now
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Shafpocalypse Now »

The affiliates are some stupid steeple. Holy fuck. Creating financial controls is what has hq shaking


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Re: The couch thread

Post by Protobuilder »

Affiliate certification, which allows boxes to use the CrossFit brand and workout program, nowadays costs $3,000 a year. If, as the company estimates, an average of 50 boxes become certified per week, certifications should bring in about $7.8 million in 2013.

Trainer certifications, meanwhile, could bring in about $23.8 million in 2013. This certification costs $1,000 per person. A quick peek at CrossFit headquarters' website reveals that the certification classes sell out the vast majority of the time, with about 33 classes every month averaging 60 students each.
2.600 new affiliates and nearly 24k new trainers per year?
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Mountebank »

Anthos & Kelly further stating their case, with couch having a fucking temper tantrum:
Divorce leaves CrossFit's fate uncertain; Anthos makes offer
A messy divorce has left the future of CrossFit, a $40 million global fitness business begun in Santa Cruz, caught in a tug of war between its founder, his wife and a local private equity firm.

Menlo Park-based Anthos Capital says it has an agreement to buy a 50 percent stake in CrossFit for $20 million from Lauren Jenai Glassman, who is divorcing from Greg Glassman, CrossFit’s guru and coach. But Greg Glassman says his soon-to-be-ex should first give him the right to buy her out, and is convinced that the private equity firm wants to make changes that will destroy his business.

“It’d be the beginning of the end,” Greg said. “All of the guys like me would leave. I would leave. (The plans) would be wholly destructive of our model.”

CrossFit, which teaches short and extremely intense workouts with equipment ranging from gymnastics rings to kettlebells, has a network of 4,300-plus affiliated gyms across the world that operate mostly independently. The affiliates pay $3,000 per year for a license to use the CrossFit name, and typically follow the free workouts that are posted each day on CrossFit’s website.

Greg and CrossFit staff say that Anthos and its managing partner Bryan Kelly want to turn CrossFit into a more typical franchise system, and require affiliates to sell extras like supplements and gear to maximize profits. Their fears have ricocheted across the CrossFit community, and just one “Stop Anthos From Taking Over CrossFit” thread on a message board has spurred more than 500 posts.

Kelly said he has no desire to turn the affiliates into franchisees or force them to sell anything, and calls most of the claims being circulated on the message boards “completely false.” His firm takes a board seat but doesn’t take an operational role at the companies it invests in, he said.

“We think of our entrepreneurs and our companies as people that we need to do well by,” Kelly said. “We look to play a very supportive role at the board level, but not meddle in how they run their business. Everything is done by suggestion, support. We do offer ideas, but it is ultimately the management and founders’ decision whether to accept those ideas.”

Kelly said his interest in CrossFit was spurred because he is a CrossFit participant himself. He wants Greg to maintain control of the company’s operations and calls him a “visionary.”

“I’m not going to do anything to hurt that community,” he said. “I want to help it. I want to help grow it.”

That’s not the sense Glassman and others at CrossFit say they got when Kelly originally met with them. He “just immediately started telling us what we were doing wrong” and how the company could make more money, said Russell Berger, a CrossFit lead instructor.

The Glassmans’ divorce case will be heard in Arizona next month, and Greg said he’s confident the judge will award Lauren less than a 50 percent share of the company. He also wants the opportunity to buy her out. The Glassmans own 100 percent of the company between them and Lauren calls herself a co-founder, though Greg said he started the company before they met.

Greg and CrossFit were in negotiations with Lauren prior to the Anthos deal, and had offered up to $17.5 million over five years for her share before she signed an agreement with Anthos for $20 million up front. In a YouTube video explaining her position, she said “after reviewing Greg’s offers, my financial advisers and I didn’t feel they were in the same universe as the Anthos offer.”

Greg said Lauren never gave them an opportunity to counter offer, and the company would have willingly bumped up its proposal.

“It’s not like Bryan Kelly has a right to this thing,” Greg said. “The judge’s job is to make sure we’re equitable and my contention is that $20 million with me running the thing leaves us equitable. Twenty million to her with him owning half of the business destroys my life.”

If Anthos ends up with part of the company, Glasssman said he’ll leave CrossFit, start up a new company, and bring all of the affiliates and participants along with him.

Kelly, though, says he believes he and Greg can work together.

“Prior to this last week, the founder and I had a good relationship,” he said. “My expectation is that once we get past this initial difficult period, that we can work well together.”
Watch couch leave...then watch AnthosFit re-hire all the SMEs who left and make @F better than it ever was.

couch doesn't understand that the @F name is everything...95% of the people in @F gyms have no idea who he is or give a shit about the interwebz war going on.

Re-branding is a decently expensive move, and most clients would likely rather stay at the same gym if it stayed open and under the same name.

Affiliates would be dumb to not stay and see what improvements Anthos would make before jumping ship.


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Re: The couch thread

Post by dead man walking »

if anthos puts any money in, they're going to insist that glassman sign a non-compete. if they don't, darwinians would say they deserve to lose their money.

glassman appears to be negotiating in public.
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Gin Master »

dead man walking wrote:if anthos puts any money in, they're going to insist that glassman sign a non-compete. if they don't, darwinians would say they deserve to lose their money.

glassman appears to be negotiating in public.
He has to negotiate in public. Can you imagine being in a foxhole with Saran and teh Russels? Anthos won't be able to get their non-compete since they're buying Lauren's interest. That puts Couch in an interesting position: leave and be forced to take whatever sum his devalued (CF sans Couch) will be, or stick around and get sued every time he does something to harm the company.
What a duck says wrote:
“It’d be the beginning of the end,” Greg said. “All of the guys like me would leave. I would leave. (The plans) would be wholly destructive of our model.”
...
“We think of our entrepreneurs and our companies as people that we need to do well by,” Kelly said. “We look to play a very supportive role at the board level, but not meddle in how they run their business. Everything is done by suggestion, support. We do offer ideas, but it is ultimately the management and founders’ decision whether to accept those ideas.”
Watch couch leave...then watch AnthosFit re-hire all the SMEs who left and make @F better than it ever was.

couch doesn't understand that the @F name is everything...95% of the people in @F gyms have no idea who he is or give a shit about the interwebz war going on.

Re-branding is a decently expensive move, and most clients would likely rather stay at the same gym if it stayed open and under the same name.

Affiliates would be dumb to not stay and see what improvements Anthos would make before jumping ship.
So Couch leaves and goes where? That's the problem with open source; you don't get to take your toys with you.

Anybody that runs a business and isn't excited about getting actual business people involved in operations is a dumbass.

Quack is spot on about nobody knowing who Couch is. The majority of yuppies plopping down $150-300/month don't know who any of these dumbasses are. They just want to fall on the ground, talk about how tough the WODs are, and put pictures of their torn up hands on facebook.

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Turdacious »

Gin Master wrote:So Couch leaves and goes where? .
Where does he go?
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Circle of life.
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Yes I Have Balls »

What a duck says wrote:Anthos & Kelly further stating their case, with couch having a fucking temper tantrum:
[url=http://www.bizjournals.com/sanjose/news ... l?page=all]
See? This is what hiring a PR firm can get you. Fair, reasoned articles published in industry-standard publications.

@fit has high-pitched screeching and pants pissing on the forums, Anthos has the San Jose Business Journal.

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Shafpocalypse Now »

Glassassination on works on the Crossfit forums.

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Shafpocalypse Now »

I'd enjoy seeing Castro going to jail for pulling the arm lock shit on someone who would be willing to press charges

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Yes I Have Balls »

It’s not like Bryan Kelly has a right to this thing,” Greg said. “The judge’s job is to make sure we’re equitable and my contention is that $20 million with me running the thing leaves us equitable. Twenty million to her with him owning half of the business destroys my [OPULENT] lifeSTYLE.”
FIFY


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Re: The couch thread

Post by I'd Hit It »

What a duck says wrote:Anthos & Kelly further stating their case, with couch having a fucking temper tantrum:
Divorce leaves CrossFit's fate uncertain; Anthos makes offer
A messy divorce has left the future of CrossFit, a $40 million global fitness business begun in Santa Cruz, caught in a tug of war between its founder, his wife and a local private equity firm.

Menlo Park-based Anthos Capital says it has an agreement to buy a 50 percent stake in CrossFit for $20 million from Lauren Jenai Glassman, who is divorcing from Greg Glassman, CrossFit’s guru and coach. But Greg Glassman says his soon-to-be-ex should first give him the right to buy her out, and is convinced that the private equity firm wants to make changes that will destroy his business.

“It’d be the beginning of the end,” Greg said. “All of the guys like me would leave. I would leave. (The plans) would be wholly destructive of our model.”

CrossFit, which teaches short and extremely intense workouts with equipment ranging from gymnastics rings to kettlebells, has a network of 4,300-plus affiliated gyms across the world that operate mostly independently. The affiliates pay $3,000 per year for a license to use the CrossFit name, and typically follow the free workouts that are posted each day on CrossFit’s website.

Greg and CrossFit staff say that Anthos and its managing partner Bryan Kelly want to turn CrossFit into a more typical franchise system, and require affiliates to sell extras like supplements and gear to maximize profits. Their fears have ricocheted across the CrossFit community, and just one “Stop Anthos From Taking Over CrossFit” thread on a message board has spurred more than 500 posts.

Kelly said he has no desire to turn the affiliates into franchisees or force them to sell anything, and calls most of the claims being circulated on the message boards “completely false.” His firm takes a board seat but doesn’t take an operational role at the companies it invests in, he said.

“We think of our entrepreneurs and our companies as people that we need to do well by,” Kelly said. “We look to play a very supportive role at the board level, but not meddle in how they run their business. Everything is done by suggestion, support. We do offer ideas, but it is ultimately the management and founders’ decision whether to accept those ideas.”

Kelly said his interest in CrossFit was spurred because he is a CrossFit participant himself. He wants Greg to maintain control of the company’s operations and calls him a “visionary.”

“I’m not going to do anything to hurt that community,” he said. “I want to help it. I want to help grow it.”

That’s not the sense Glassman and others at CrossFit say they got when Kelly originally met with them. He “just immediately started telling us what we were doing wrong” and how the company could make more money, said Russell Berger, a CrossFit lead instructor.

The Glassmans’ divorce case will be heard in Arizona next month, and Greg said he’s confident the judge will award Lauren less than a 50 percent share of the company. He also wants the opportunity to buy her out. The Glassmans own 100 percent of the company between them and Lauren calls herself a co-founder, though Greg said he started the company before they met.

Greg and CrossFit were in negotiations with Lauren prior to the Anthos deal, and had offered up to $17.5 million over five years for her share before she signed an agreement with Anthos for $20 million up front. In a YouTube video explaining her position, she said “after reviewing Greg’s offers, my financial advisers and I didn’t feel they were in the same universe as the Anthos offer.”

Greg said Lauren never gave them an opportunity to counter offer, and the company would have willingly bumped up its proposal.

“It’s not like Bryan Kelly has a right to this thing,” Greg said. “The judge’s job is to make sure we’re equitable and my contention is that $20 million with me running the thing leaves us equitable. Twenty million to her with him owning half of the business destroys my life.”

If Anthos ends up with part of the company, Glasssman said he’ll leave CrossFit, start up a new company, and bring all of the affiliates and participants along with him.

Kelly, though, says he believes he and Greg can work together.

“Prior to this last week, the founder and I had a good relationship,” he said. “My expectation is that once we get past this initial difficult period, that we can work well together.”
.

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Blaidd Drwg »

Shafpocalypse Now wrote:I'd enjoy seeing Castro going to jail for pulling the arm lock shit on someone who would be willing to press charges

But heeess's a Naaaaaaaanvvy SEAL!!

He'd get raped to death on day 2 in the big house.
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Re: The couch thread

Post by grip junky »

529989_490673437628016_1907665995_n.jpg
529989_490673437628016_1907665995_n.jpg (23.16 KiB) Viewed 9114 times
I just thought this was funny

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Holland Oates »

Why is the dude in the middle wearing a sports bra?
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Re: The couch thread

Post by grip junky »

If the dudes were not in the pic, it would not be funny, it would be hot.

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Shafpocalypse Now »

are those xxxl shorts? holy shit.


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Re: The couch thread

Post by Mountebank »

Some new info:
They [@F Inc.] are trying to fire all the SMEs, then they will likely bring back the people who always roll over like KStarr and BMack. Couch has run it like a bank card...he isn't going to pull out and go produce "Virtuosity Inc", he is going to be held accountable for the mismanagement and could possibly do jail time.
Even a 30% minority partnership would mean Anthos gets to be privy to the books, yes?

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Re: The couch thread

Post by Shafpocalypse Now »

Kstarrs hippocratic oath has been busted for years

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