IGX

Your mother's smells bad.

I could have been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had correct change.

If concerned about homelessness, your mom could house a family of Mexicans in her cavernous twat.

Your mother's vagina, part XCVII:

She 'forgot' to mention your numerous siblings.

Of a wide variety of subpar races.

I can smell it from here. Please ask her to move upwind of any rendering plant or paper mill.

A large number of penises have sprayed it with smegma, but at least a few of those assignations were due to the direct mail coupons.

You can't really count the guys who only came into contact with one wall at a time.

If you live in Kansas, it can double as shelter in case of a tornado.

If you live in Hawaii, you can store your spare Samoans inside.

If you live by the fish cannery, you can blame it during operating hours.

If you live in Georgia, ask someone to read this to you.

Her contributions to economic prosperity:

Fully 43% of the asbestos and rhinoceros hide condoms sold in the lower 48 are bought by her clientele.

Because of her raft of particularly virulent diseases, get it?

We've covered the inordinate size of your mother's twat, it's off-putting aroma, and the medical complications that are the inevitable result of incautious contact. While it would take many volumes to fully detail these matters, for now we can move on to another disturbing factor: her preference for the dark meat.

Yes, your mom is a miscegenation machine. Dick isn't her thing at all, it's the burnt umber, dark brown, and, best of all, the blue-black variety that gets her motor running. Some analysts believe it's simply a size issue - where else is she likely to encounter one of sufficient diameter to contact more than one wall at a time? Others believe that its a matter of self loathing. White guilt or expressed shame from a lifetime of slatternhood. The apologists say that there's nothing wrong with an aberrant preference, overlooking the fact that the negro isn't competent to make rational choices when white women are involved, no matter how corpulent or greasy she might be.

None of these are correct. They don't know how hard she's worked to wean herself off of the donkeys and swine. I congratulate her on the progress she's made to date, and look forward to the day that she can honestly say that she's graduated to the human penis.

Longfellow couldn't have said it better

Vaginal information:

The vagina is the one next to the hole you came out of.

Visual issues:

Thankfully, she's given up trimming it. Now it looks like a week-dead Jerry Garcia. Prior to that, a bucket of nightcrawlers.

If she stands naked facing into the wind, the floppy meat vibrations sound like a '49 Flathead with a bad muffler.

In the olden days, a whiff of her twat had medicinal properties for those who could not afford syrup of ipicac.

If she had as many dicks sticking out of her as she's had stuck in her, she'd look like a porcupine with syphilitic lesions on its quills.

Come on, Garm, you can do better....

At once dupe and shill for fitness industry business criminals, John Stranegro - the name itself will henceforth be replaced with the less odious 'Dickbreath' - began his career as a penile pincushion as a young Polska altar boy, indoctrinated into sodomy by his priest in exchange for a shiny new nickel. Conflicted as an adult by the fact that he enjoyed the vigorous insertion of male members into various and sundry of his orifices yet the teachings of the Church decried such activity, he commenced his career of sublimation by concentrating on wife-beating, imposing his standard of acceptable discourse content on others, and encouraging every person he encountered to purchase every overpriced and useless product and 'service' offered by the thinly disguised male dominance cult named dragondoor publications (See Cult Awareness Network's full dossier on this outfit).

http://oldunkswoodshed.blogspot.com/

Like many of the deeply closeted, Dickbreath married early. However, his resentment toward his 'beard' and sexual frustration could not be repressed for long, even with compulsive attendance at Mass, many hours of daily prayer, and self-imposed penances of increasingly bizarre and painful nature. He took to wearing women's undergarments, with clothespins attached to his genitals and baggy Patagonia trousers to conceal them. This was escalated into more sordid self-flagellation as the time away from penis increased, including permanent mutilation of his always-miniscule member with a screwdriver, burning with matches and chemicals, and, finally, avoiding fiber, eating huge quantities of cheese, and duct-taping his rectum shut in order to permanently block the possibility of entry.

Unfortunately for Stranegro, the plan backfired - the sensation of his impacted colon was impossible to resist. He left the Church, became an enthusiastic dragondoor participant, and was eventually allowed to pay them for certification. A quick survey of his online activity there will reveal the classic ratios: 80% brain-dead 'encouragement' posts ("Great job, Comrade", etc.), 15% 'netcop' posts ("Att: Webmaster", etc.), and 5% 'slip-up' posts, where he/they inadvertently reveal their homosexual male dominance cult status to the discerning reader. As self-appointed censor, Dickbreath was instrumental in nothing. But he's very proud of his effort, results notwithstanding.

Since recruiting his wife and children into the DD 'family', they have all been forced to embrace anal sex. Any initial reluctance was quickly overcome, however, and they are all now enthusiastic recipients of male sex organs, artificial reproductions, various vegetables, and donkey cocks. In exchange for entry into the outer circle, DD requires them to advertise all of their products, defend them in online forums, hold recruiting workshops, and perform all of the similar activities that we are familiar with that were perfected by Scientology, the Unification Church, and the People's Temple.

It's not quite the level of the "Jeeke Hating Hat" but it's damn close.

You've had that bookmarked for how many years?

"Old Uncle's Woodshed" is easy to remember. So was the vituperation against whatshisname....

I don't think I ever had any idea who the guy was, or had anything against him. Just an extemporaneous exercise, and not a very good one.

Now, back to the subject, please tell us about your mother's vagina. I hear that it's been used by some of Pennsylvania's finest winos and served in the training of apprentice septic tank cleaners. Did you have to shoulder past all three donkeys on the day of your birth, or did she take a short break to let you sneak by?

Garm wrote:Now, back to the subject, please tell us about your mother's vagina. I hear that it's been used by some of Pennsylvania's finest winos and served in the training of apprentice septic tank cleaners. Did you have to shoulder past all three donkeys on the day of your birth, or did she take a short break to let you sneak by?

She took a short break. Thanks for asking.