IGX

tough old man wrote:If you deploy while she still is still struggling with an infant, she will kill you sooner or later.

They get used to it by the third deployment.

I think this was one of my best pieces: http://squatrx.blogspot.com/2011/04/tra ... thers.html

Certainly a stressful time, but a time that passes too quickly.

We have eight children I have found they need to be fed more than seems reasonable and burped for longer than it "should" take. When all the basics are taken care of and they won't stop crying taking them outside works for some reason especially at night. Jme.

snafubar wrote:We have eight children

good lord!

taking them outside works for some reason

Spot on

TerryB wrote:Touch releases chemicals that help them develop. Stimulation from mom & dad is worth a lot more than stimulation from external objects from the store.

Nobody thinks letting an adult cry out their frustration or wait out their depression is a good solution. Not sure why it is considered a good solution for a baby, but that's what people will tell you to do. "Let them cry it out!" What happens is, they cry and cry and cry, don't get their needs fulfilled, and give up. Fantastic. Instead, figure out if it's something easy to fix (diaper, hunger), or work with them physically, touch, breath, massage, warm water, whatever, to soothe them. If you're getting too frustrated, get help or set them down and get your shit together.

Disagree. My parents never paid any real attention to me and I turned out fine.

Nobody loves you.

When you and your wife see diapers for younger babies on sale, buy them-- especially if they are discounted (like broken packages).

Kids spend a lot of time sleeping and they have unformed immune systems, so be careful of mattresses that off-gas. (Unless you consider environmental pollution a conspiracy of the left, in which case you should ignore it. Asthma, allergies and other indications of a compromised immune system is the new norm, if you want to roll with it.)

http://news.utexas.edu/2014/04/02/crib- ... -chemicals

If you can't afford a "safe" mattress buy an old one. The laws requiring flame retardant chemicals aren't that old, or they will at least have released a fair amount of toxicity already.

The same holds true for stuff like carpeting and particle board furniture, etc. They off gas a lot. Might want to use glass baby bottles too (they are inert, plastic is not), though they will break when dropped on supermarket floors. Tough shit.

Some sport of baby carrier is crucial. Maya Wrap and Baby Bjorn are a couple that come to mind. Man, I'm remembering how much my kid loved facing forward in the Bjorn watching me wash dishes and mow the lawn. Those little legs a kickin' with delight, wanting to touch, wanting to do.

"The days are long but the years are short."

No truthier truth than that.

Enjoy the journey.

TerryB wrote:

snafubar wrote:We have eight children

good lord!

taking them outside works for some reason

Spot on

Yep. When our first was born my wife's Grandma would tell us "when in doubt, out!"

Not really a rocket science. One thing I wish realized earlier is: How do children spell "LOVE"? - T-I-M-E.

Sangoma wrote:Not really a rocket science. One thing I wish realized earlier is: How do children spell "LOVE"? - T-I-M-E.

In my house it was B-O-O-B.

Ignore all the shit you read online and in the books. Most of the time do what feels right to you and mum. If you want to rock cuddle swing baby to sleep then do it and enjoy it, ignore the books and blogs and forums that tell you not to.

Find the things you can do just as well or better than mum can and do them as much as you can - because there are things only mum can do - eg I always do as much of the bathing and putting to bed as I can - because I can't do the feeding, and there are going to be a lot of times when only mummy will do.

Try and let mum have a chance to take a shower before you leave for work - cause she sure as hell won't have the chance during the day.


One lifesaver for us with both of our babies was noise. Get a white noise app on your phone or and old spare phone. Put some noise on when trying to get baby to sleep and they will get used to it - and as a massive added bonus, if they fall asleep with noise on, it blocks out all the other noise. So you can still have the tv on and make a coffee without worrying about waking them up.

Last thing. Take pictures. Fuckloads of pictures. Because they change every single day and you can never have too many pictures.

TerryB wrote:Nobody loves you.

That's what mom used to say when she talked to me.

aussie luke wrote: Last thing. Take pictures. Fuckloads of pictures. Because they change every single day and you can never have too many pictures.

True Knowledge.

They will gain an inch and 30IQ points over a long weekend and you're left wondering where the hell they came from.

TerryB wrote:Nobody thinks letting an adult cry out their frustration or wait out their depression is a good solution. Not sure why it is considered a good solution for a baby, but that's what people will tell you to do. "Let them cry it out!" What happens is, they cry and cry and cry, don't get their needs fulfilled, and give up. Fantastic. Instead, figure out if it's something easy to fix (diaper, hunger), or work with them physically, touch, breath, massage, warm water, whatever, to soothe them. If you're getting too frustrated, get help or set them down and get your shit .

Babies are great, but it's important not to anthropomorphize them.

Early on, your kid will need a boob in his mouth every time he wakes up, but move the kid out of the bedroom after that and start the sleep training. Babies don't always cry because something's wrong. They aren't adults. Sometimes they cry because their eyes are open and it 2:30 in the morning. You can suck it up and teach your kid to "self soothe", or you can continue losing sleep.

In my case, this was when it was most useful for me to be the one to get up at night. I was better at setting a timer and ignoring our daughter than my wife was.

Also, of the courses I took before my daughter was born, the most important was baby CPR.

Blaidd Drwg wrote:

aussie luke wrote: Last thing. Take pictures. Fuckloads of pictures. Because they change every single day and you can never have too many pictures.

True Knowledge.

They will gain an inch and 30IQ points over a long weekend and you're left wondering where the hell they came from.

Yep. In just over a week my two-and-a-half year old boy has gone from not knowing any letters to reciting the full alphabet over and over again.

Pinky wrote:

TerryB wrote:Nobody thinks letting an adult cry out their frustration or wait out their depression is a good solution. Not sure why it is considered a good solution for a baby, but that's what people will tell you to do. "Let them cry it out!" What happens is, they cry and cry and cry, don't get their needs fulfilled, and give up. Fantastic. Instead, figure out if it's something easy to fix (diaper, hunger), or work with them physically, touch, breath, massage, warm water, whatever, to soothe them. If you're getting too frustrated, get help or set them down and get your shit .

Babies are great, but it's important not to anthropomorphize them.

Early on, your kid will need a boob in his mouth every time he wakes up, but move the kid out of the bedroom after that and start the sleep training. Babies don't always cry because something's wrong. They aren't adults. Sometimes they cry because their eyes are open and it 2:30 in the morning. You can suck it up and teach your kid to "self soothe", or you can continue losing sleep.

In my case, this was when it was most useful for me to be the one to get up at night. I was better at setting a timer and ignoring our daughter than my wife was.

Also, of the courses I took before my daughter was born, the most important was baby CPR.

Yeah it is important to realise it is ok to let them cry, once you know they are fed changed warm etc etc, sometimes what they need is a cry and you need to go have a break.

But it is also ok to just go and pick them up and give them a hug if YOU want to.



We let our boy sooth himself as much as we wanted to and he got the hang of it pretty quick. But sometimes you just know they aren't going to and it might be easiest for you and them to just go give them a cuddle and help them settle.


Now with two little ones it's a different story. If we let our nine month old try and sooth herself for too long she ends up waking her brother up and he whole night goes to shit!

Gotta do what you feel is right at the time.

Here's a good bit of practical, newborn advice: at night, you don't have to change their diaper every time they pee. Nurses will tell you to, but you don't. If you do, it often wakes them up and you'll get even less sleep.

YOU'RE WELCOME

aussie luke wrote:

Pinky wrote:

TerryB wrote:Nobody thinks letting an adult cry out their frustration or wait out their depression is a good solution. Not sure why it is considered a good solution for a baby, but that's what people will tell you to do. "Let them cry it out!" What happens is, they cry and cry and cry, don't get their needs fulfilled, and give up. Fantastic. Instead, figure out if it's something easy to fix (diaper, hunger), or work with them physically, touch, breath, massage, warm water, whatever, to soothe them. If you're getting too frustrated, get help or set them down and get your shit .

Babies are great, but it's important not to anthropomorphize them.

Early on, your kid will need a boob in his mouth every time he wakes up, but move the kid out of the bedroom after that and start the sleep training. Babies don't always cry because something's wrong. They aren't adults. Sometimes they cry because their eyes are open and it 2:30 in the morning. You can suck it up and teach your kid to "self soothe", or you can continue losing sleep.

In my case, this was when it was most useful for me to be the one to get up at night. I was better at setting a timer and ignoring our daughter than my wife was.

Also, of the courses I took before my daughter was born, the most important was baby CPR.

Yeah it is important to realise it is ok to let them cry, once you know they are fed changed warm etc etc, sometimes what they need is a cry and you need to go have a break.

But it is also ok to just go and pick them up and give them a hug if YOU want to.



Gotta do what you feel is right at the time.

I used a rocking chair and ear plugs. Baby was loved, and I got my sleep.

1. Hold a newborn like a football.

2. Every six months, it's like you have a whole new kid, and each stage so far (mine turned 3 in July) has been the best one yet.

3. Sleep sacks are worth their weight in gold.

4. We decided immediately that co-sleeping was a recipe for no sleeping. Never regretted starting our daughter in the crib, and had no painful transition from co-sleeping to her own room.

5. If your room is right next to the baby's room, you can skip the monitor. When she cried, it woke us; we didn't need to wake up every time she shifted.

6. For the first few weeks, you and your wife are in survival mode. Sleep when you can, and accept any and all offers of food or help--especially with cleaning.

The self-soothing idea is interesting to me - I guess I get that, but I'm of the opinion that it's okay to try to meet every whim of a kid who's under 6 months. Sometimes you won't be able to, but trying won't hurt IMHO.

We "co-slept". Didn't have a huge problem w. sleep, but I wasn't the one breastfeeding either. Again, JMHO, but a newborn needs to eat/drink FREQUENTLY and when I hear about a kid being made to sleep through the night at 3 months I wonder if that's really in the baby's best interest.

Just thinking out loud.

We coslept. I had a cosleeper attached to the bed which just insured that baby didn't roll off the side. (Having baby in the middle is not entirely safe if you have a husband who throws elbows in the middle of the night) I mostly stored diapers in there. I short-sheeted the bed and pushed the mattress up against the headboard and stuffed things in the footboard to keep it from slipping down. The benefit of this is that boy babies are hungry babies. And given enough time, can figure out how to unsnap your nursing bra, release the boobies, latch on and eat, and fall back asleep without either of you noticing very much. I can't imagine getting up and walking into another room every three hours for six months on end. I'd have climbed a bell tower.

syaigh wrote:I can't imagine getting up and walking into another room every three hours for six months on end. I'd have climbed a bell tower.

That's why many women give up on breastfeeding after just a few weeks or months.

I can't imagine that, throughout history, women slept separate from their babies, but who knows. I'm guessing its a "modern" approach.

Lots of things work. Co-sleeping, sleeping in their own room or even crate training if you start them early. Our son was born in Korea and we had a really cool doctor who discussed things in fair detail with me. She said that she used to believe in hard rules for raising kids but the more foreigners she worked with she realized that much of our "science" is simply culture.

Some good advice in this thread already.

1). Your wife is going to be really tired - schedule it so she can get out of the house by herself (or even take a shower) on a regular basis.

2). Clothes are overrated. Kids outgrow them every three days.

3). Kids can be fine barefoot until they're 15 or so.

4). Good gear is essential. Go to the store and try on every carrier until you find something that fits you. We had three strollers for various situations and I never regretted spending the money.

5). Kids don't need to really change anything. People would say "oh, now that you have kids, you can't travel" or "you will never have dinner out in a nice restaurant again" but things don't get challenging until they are three or so. You can even take them to the movies if you work it in the right way.

6). Kids are able to communicate. We taught our son sign language when he was a baby and potty training...didn't happen. He would tell us when he needed to go to the bathroom or eat or drink. Sometimes it didn't work but that was usually from him just being an asshole and doing it to spite me.

syaigh wrote:

Sangoma wrote:Not really a rocket science. One thing I wish realized earlier is: How do children spell "LOVE"? - T-I-M-E.

In my house it was B-O-O-B.

That's your husband's spelling.