Bad writing contest

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Shafpocalypse Now
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by Shafpocalypse Now »

:heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
Protobuilder wrote:Using the “Ladder” Set/Rep Variation

Let's jump start this shit, it's going to be kind of garbled anyway:

About 4 years ago, Bob (Brock) and I trained together about 6-8 times a week. We'd train at lunch, and then after work. We followed a pretty typical WSB template, but did have ample opportunities for extra workouts.

Once we decided to do a variation of a low fatigue/high volume routine based on the "ladder" technique. We called it "Power Ladders". We chose 3s as our top set kind of arbitrarily. The term “ladder” refers to a progressive repetition scheme. See below. It's illustrated amply.

Testing initially indicated I had a 335 close grip bench. This is how I set it up: Rep range 1-3 or occasionally 1-5. Completion of 3 “ladders” at a set weight would trigger progression.

Note: These numbers are approximations, as I couldn't find my training log from back then to get the actual numbers.

Week 1:
Day 1: 275x1/2/3/1/2/3/1/2/3
Day 2: 285x1/2/3/1/2
Day 3: 285x1/2/3/1/2/3

Week 2:
Day 1: 285x1/2/3/1/2/3/1/2/3
Day 2: 290x1/2/3/1/2/3
Day 3: 290x1/2/3/1/2/3/1/2/3

Week 3:
Day 1: 295x1/2/1/2/1/2
Day 2: 295x1/2/3/1/2/3/1/2/3
Day 3: 305x1/2/3/1/2/3

Week 4:
Day 1: 305x1/2/3/1/2/3/1/2/3
Day 2: 315x1/2/2/1/2/1
Day 3: 315x1/2/3/1/2

Week 5: Tested my CGBP max.
New max was 365.
Bob's results were similar.

30# increase
4 weeks of training.
3 times per week on the movement, often two days in a row
Not one rep went to failure.

Not too shabby.

What do you notice? Higher volume, low "relative" intensity, self-regulating "ladder" pattern, ~4-9 sets per "ladder"

I first read about the “ladder” set/rep scheme in one of those old bodybuilding books by Robert Kennedy. Circa 1988-89. That particular book (and I'll eventually look up which one) gave an example of using ladders to work on chins. Sounded easy enough. Do one rep, take a little break, do 2 reps, take a little break, and so on and so forth until you can no longer improve on your rep count.

Fast-forward a few years. Hell, maybe even a decade.

“Chain Yourself to the Power Rack and Call Me in a Year” appeared in MILO: A Journal for Serious Strength, published by Ironmind Enterprises. It was written by a relatively unknown trainer named Pavel Tsatsouline. In it he described how to “grease the groove” of a movement. This article is now on line, at the Dragondoor website and can be found here:

http://www.dragondoor.com/articler/mode3/69/

The concept of frequent, heavy practice of a lift while staying fresh is the heart of the concept, when applied to strength training.

Why use ladders?

First, they are easy to set up. Pick a rep range. Could be 1-3, could be 1-3-5, could be 5-10-20. Pick the number of times you'd go “up” the ladder, given that you don't reach the point of momentary muscular failure. Pick the condition that will trigger progression. Now do it.

Probably the most important thing is the fatigue management. It's better to start a ladder over than to attempt to force an extra rep out. With ladders you let the volume do the work.

Let me reiterate:

1.Pick your repetition range. Taking your approximate 5 RM and doing a ladder with 1-3 reps is a good place to start.
2.Pick the number of times to run through the ladder. I'd suggest starting with 3 runs through. If you get all three ladders, then you need to add weight next time.
3.It's about staying fresh and crisp. It's not about grinding them out and gritting your teeth.
4.Let the volume do the work.

Other ways to use the ladder:

Bodyweight calisthenics are ideal for the use of a strength-endurance ladder. The most frequently recommended way of using a ladder is with a training partner in a “I go, you go” format. This becomes very competitive. Another variation is the breathing ladder. Do a rep, take a breath, do two reps, take 2 breathes, do three reps, take three breathes....keep adding reps and breathes until you can't add any more. This gets surprisingly hard with stuff like kettlebell swings and even bodyweight squats.

Reverse ladders or countdowns are another useful way. When I do an “EDT” type of workout, I often use reverse ladders to manage my fatigue so I can make or exceed my repetition target. This would look like a 3-2-1 or a 5-3-1 type of rep scheme.

The “ratchet” is a version of the ladder I read about over on Scott Sonnon's Circular Strength Training forum. A ratchet would look like: 1-2-3-2-3-4-3-4-5-4-5-6-5-6-7...and so on. The ratchet is a good way to mix things up and keep you on your toes.

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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by syaigh »

"I have something to tell you", he said with a sneer.

His ugly face was even uglier in the dim fluorescent lighting of the gym that smelled like sweaty feet and broken dreams.

"You just weren't built to squat. You were built to throw dinner parties."

He laughed as he walked away, the sound of it piercing my brain like a serial killer with an ice pick.

"Son of a bitch", I muttered under my breath, my face growing hot with rage.

I was standing in the center of the weight room, walls dripping with all kinds of military flags and other incarnations of "MURIKAH". He liked to play the patriot when in fact he was just a mean motherfucker who shouldn't have come home from the war.

It was a remarkably sunny day, but the doors were closed and there was nothing but dimness and shadows where I stood. I could feel them taunting me. Reaching out to me. Pulling me closer. I needed to leave.

I walked to the back door, opened it, got in my truck and started to pull out of the parking lot. But it wasn't soon enough. Because those shadows had had time to creep into my brain through the holes the ice pick had left. And the darkness consumed me. I backed my truck up to the front window of the gym where I saw him sitting at his desk with his back to me. I gunned the engine and drove right through the glass wall of the office, pinning him against the wall and crushing his spine.

"Look who's not built to squat now motherfucker".

And that's the beauty of working for someone who is too much of a cheapskate to have a gym in a populated area. There are never any witnesses.
Miss Piggy wrote:Never eat more than you can lift.

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seeahill
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by seeahill »

Bad writing with the ring of truth. Sounds like the kind of confession cops get when they hand a suspect some paper and say, "OK, in your own words, write down what happened." It is a fantasy, isn't it?
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by syaigh »

seeahill wrote:Bad writing with the ring of truth. Sounds like the kind of confession cops get when they hand a suspect some paper and say, "OK, in your own words, write down what happened." It is a fantasy, isn't it?
If I say no does that mean you wont invite me to the cabin burning?
Miss Piggy wrote:Never eat more than you can lift.

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seeahill
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by seeahill »

It won't burn until late this summer and everyone is invited.

We have some spectacularly bad writers here and I'm completely underwhelmed and totally unimpressed. Go IGx!
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by dead man walking »

she had curves like a 53 buick and lips like a maraschino cherry.

"katy, baby," i said "your gonna have to tell mickey he's just too short."

"but i feel bad for him," she purred, a dollop of sadness coating her honeyed voice.

"sugarpants!" i ejaculated, "even if he stood on one of shaf's ladders he'd still be too short."

"but the guys all like him," she smiled. "if i ditch mickey like he's santa's elf in an age of robots, they'll think i'm mean," she whined unhappily.

"that's possible, honeypot," i acknowledged. "they could find you unsympathetic, even with that nice ass you're packing."

"and i'm scared," she said, a large tear emerging from the caruncle of her eye. "what if they gang rape me?"

"in your dreams, baby. in your dreams."
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by Yes I Have Balls »

"Nigger, I see you. You are me. Stop jerking me off."

Signed,

Andy82

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seeahill
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by seeahill »

DMW, wow, that's so bad it hurts. I mean it physically hurts to read it. Well played.

Yes etc: That's not bad. Not bad at all. It's actually good. What's wrong with you?
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by DikTracy6000 »

Bud Charniga's grape ape wrote:Dead leaves were dancing out back of Toots O'Rourk's place, whipped to a frenzy by the cold November wind. I turned up the collar of my coat, but the whisky in my gut was twirling a dance of its own, doing its part to keep me warm. I had a date with that lousy scrivener, Seahill.

Get a load of this mug, I thought, as I fingered my artillery. Where does he get off, telling me how to run my grift? Meantime, he was running around town, peddling some two-bit Dashiell Hammett pastiche. Well, I ain't no patsy.

He tottered out the back door; I could smell the gin from where I was. But hell, I coulda smelled his stink from half a world away.

"Bud, pal," he sweated "watcha doing here? Hey, hey, don't be sore, see? Why don't we go inside and have a drop?"

All of a sudden, he made a run for his strap -- but I was faster, natch. My roscoe coughed once. It was enough. A forty-five in the groceries ain't no picnic.
This is not bad. Channeling Mickey Spillane's I The Jury.

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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by stosh »

I'm a student at a small midwestern college. One night on the way back from the library something happened that I never thought would happen to me. I had to share it with the forum.

My guts gurgled with undercooked Mexican food. Trying to squelch the discomfort with Drambuie was a mistake in hindsight. Heh. Always in hindsight. Perhaps, and with fervent prayer, my new squat suit would contain the impending release.

And in the blink of an eye and a flick of the ashes from my Camel (pun intended), it was over.
A novice is someone who keeps asking himself if he is a novice. An intermediate is someone who is sick of training with weak people and an advanced person doesn't give a shit anymore. - Jim Wendler


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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by DikTracy6000 »

Everything happened so quickly. Her startled cry died in her throat. Her eyes widened in shocked fear as an evil looking knife flashed before her eyes. The ice cold metal rested against her throat, sending a wave of nauseating fear through her body.

"Not a sound bitch!" A deep voice uttered in her ear. "One peep and I slice – understand?"

Sandra nodded her head quickly. Slowly the gloved hand moved away from her mouth, pausing guardedly, ready to clamp back in place should she scream.

"Please… don't hurt me… what do you want – I have money, it's in my purse." Sandra whined distraughtly.

The blade moved dangerously against her throat as he tugged her hard, pressing her body back into his.

"I didn't come here for your money BITCH!" He snarled.

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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by seeahill »

In deference to Andy, I will henceforth refrain from commenting on each post. But for now, kudos to Stosh and Dik for some truly putrescent prose.
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by Andy83 »

In deference to me?? Fuck your lame exercise trying to teach us to use "proper" English.
Obama's narcissism and arrogance is only superseded by his naivete and stupidity.

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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by powerlifter54 »

a slight whiff of Gin
Vague thoughts of Chauncey Gardner
It may intuit well...
"Start slowly, then ease off". Tortuga Golden Striders Running Club, Pensacola 1984.

"But even snake wrestling beats life in the cube, for me at least. In measured doses."-Lex

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seeahill
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by seeahill »

Andy82 wrote:In deference to me?? Fuck your lame exercise trying to teach us to use "proper" English.
Would you get this straight: I'm trying to get you to use rotten English.

PL54's brief verse, on the other hand, trembles on the verge of excellence. He doesn't get it either.
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by Andy83 »

seeahill wrote:
Andy82 wrote:In deference to me?? Fuck your lame exercise trying to teach us to use "proper" English.
Would you get this straight: I'm trying to get you to use rotten English.

PL54's brief verse, on the other hand, trembles on the verge of excellence. He doesn't get it either.
Who are you to judge whether it's rotten or excellent?
Obama's narcissism and arrogance is only superseded by his naivete and stupidity.

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seeahill
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Re: Bad writing contest

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Andy82 wrote:
seeahill wrote:
Andy82 wrote:In deference to me?? Fuck your lame exercise trying to teach us to use "proper" English.
Would you get this straight: I'm trying to get you to use rotten English.

PL54's brief verse, on the other hand, trembles on the verge of excellence. He doesn't get it either.
Who are you to judge whether it's rotten or excellent?
Well, let's see, I've been an editor at Esquire, Rolling Stone and Outside magazines where part of my job was deciding what is excellent and what is rotten. I earned a National Magazine Award for my writing, along with two Academy Award nominations for films I co-wrote. I've written 9 books and edited half a dozen anthologies. I taught graduate level writing courses at San Jose State and Montana State. I taught writing seminars in San Francisco, Aspen, Jackson Hole, Steamboat Springs and Indiana University.

So, yes, I have some small experience in the matter.
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by powerlifter54 »

Couch and i sat in the Lounge of my 44 foot houseboat, the Busted Tush. We had flounced the tanned sunbunnies up and down the inland waterways for long days, rolled and caroused in a booze washed daze , explored the Islands down the keys until the laughs got too forced, the WODs too predictable, and our passengers realized they were stuck with two over the hill, underemployed, limping Playboys with all the future of the Gimp, without the leather outfit. I had told him not to order Netflicks before we got started. Couch is a hairy, shapeless, balding man of indeterminate age, and indeterminate shape, with a hairy pelt and a limp from an old "rings Injury". He holds all the young nubiles attention, and they follow him dutifully around as he speaks nonsense, calls a sand angel a mobility drill, and then bundles them back to his 34 foot day cruiser, the "Ayn Rand", where they learn nothing is truly free.

We finished our Tuborgs, since all the Plymouth was gone. The room was thick with our Old Spice sybariticism. He smirked tiredly, nodded quietly, then passed out the door and up onto the dock on his way to the Rand, where he rang the motion detector i have hidden under a mat on the gangway, incase Rob Wolf or Dan John show up. It had been a good few weeks, and i had the deep saltwater burn that only a short balding Irishman can get even using SPF 45. The money up in my hidden vault in the bow was just about gone. Seeding those islands with bumper plates, gymnastic rings, and jumping boxes had done a number on my warchest. I am the night errant, the saver of maidens, the solver of tricky training problems for ex D1 athletes and soccer moms and the occasional trophy wife or girlfriend. Whenever they get so enamored of a guru that they lose all of their self respect, and have no legal way to recover it, i help them recover it and then keep half. So it was again time to end my early retirement, run the deep sand of Lauderdale, swim offshore until the long muscles of my back and shoulders ached, then recover with a tall ice filled glass of Plymouth on the Flying Bridge.

Who was i fooling? I was only going to do some sub max Box Squats and bench presses then go eat Pizza and Beer with my friend Tom. Maybe catch an Art show with lots of dead plant pictures...
Last edited by powerlifter54 on Wed Feb 17, 2016 10:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Start slowly, then ease off". Tortuga Golden Striders Running Club, Pensacola 1984.

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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by Andy83 »

seeahill wrote:
Andy82 wrote:
seeahill wrote:
Andy82 wrote:In deference to me?? Fuck your lame exercise trying to teach us to use "proper" English.
Would you get this straight: I'm trying to get you to use rotten English.

PL54's brief verse, on the other hand, trembles on the verge of excellence. He doesn't get it either.
Who are you to judge whether it's rotten or excellent?
Well, let's see, I've been an editor at Esquire, Rolling Stone and Outside magazines where part of my job was deciding what is excellent and what is rotten. I earned a National Magazine Award for my writing, along with two Academy Award nominations for films I co-wrote. I've written 9 books and edited half a dozen anthologies. I taught graduate level writing courses at San Jose State and Montana State. I taught writing seminars in San Francisco, Aspen, Jackson Hole, Steamboat Springs and Indiana University.

So, yes, I have some small experience in the matter.
Bullshit....Just narcissistic bullshit that means nothing. It's time in your life that you learn how to relate to the culture and real people.
Obama's narcissism and arrogance is only superseded by his naivete and stupidity.

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Re: Bad writing contest

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Andy82 wrote:
Bullshit....Just narcissistic bullshit that means nothing. It's time in your life that you learn how to relate to the culture and real people.
Ah, you're too sweet.
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seeahill
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by seeahill »

PL54 has written a coherent and flowing screed containing no small amount of humor. I like it, but it's not bad.
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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by syaigh »

seeahill wrote:PL54 has written a coherent and flowing screed containing no small amount of humor. I like it, but it's not bad.
Reminded me of Hemingway.
Miss Piggy wrote:Never eat more than you can lift.

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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by powerlifter54 »

syaigh wrote:
seeahill wrote:PL54 has written a coherent and flowing screed containing no small amount of humor. I like it, but it's not bad.
Reminded me of Hemingway.
JD MacDonald. Hemingway is way overdone.
"Start slowly, then ease off". Tortuga Golden Striders Running Club, Pensacola 1984.

"But even snake wrestling beats life in the cube, for me at least. In measured doses."-Lex

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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by stosh »

powerlifter54 wrote:Hemingway is way overdone.
Now that's some bad writing.
A novice is someone who keeps asking himself if he is a novice. An intermediate is someone who is sick of training with weak people and an advanced person doesn't give a shit anymore. - Jim Wendler

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Re: Bad writing contest

Post by DARTH »

Eeet, fuck,. too sleep deprived, used my whit and flow on facefuck book.

All I hear in my head is this!


Fuck it, listen to this shit!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CJtqnokW4Y




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