The couch thread

[Shafpocalypse Now]

Kenneth Jay sneeringly attempts to dismantle the Tabata protocol stuff in the "Kettlebell Secrets" propaganda product, but fails, miserably.

[T200]

Enjoying some FORUMZ:

Some flying off the bar from manic kipping fun:

Sprained Wrist

How long does it take a sprained wrist to heal?
I was doing kipping pullups and flew off the bar yesterday and landed on my wrist because I put my hands out behind me by accident. Anyway, I have been told I probably have a second degree sprain, and just wondering how long will it take to heal? Also ice first 24hrs and heat for the rest?

The kip strikes again:

Shouler joint pain

Been doing CF for about 4 months. I've had joint pain in my shoulder for the past few weeks...not the shoulder muscle, but the joints themselves. I'm taking lots of fish oil, a multivitamin and doing the zone at 16 blocks/day (I'm 5-5, 141lbs, pretty lean)...doubling the fat intake in the attempt to keep my energy levels up (that's not working out great either - energy levels are low).

I've never had any shoulder problems before doing all these d@&% pullups. Is there some type of supplement I should be taking in addition to fish oil that will help relieve the joint pain...maybe somehow lubricate the joints to where they aren't sore all the time?

Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Flag football destroys a @fitter:

Bottom of Feet Hurt

I just recently started playing in a Flag Football leage. We've been practicing about three days a week for the past two weeks. Since I've started doing that the bottom of my feet have both been really sore. When it first started I figured it was because of all the starting/stopping/cutting I've been doing but it's been about three weeks now and they haven't gotten any better. On the bright side they don't seem to be getting worse. They mainly bother me when I'm walking around in my flip flops or barefoot, when I'm in my boots or running shoes they aren't to bad.

I'm getting them checked out next week, anything I should keep an eye out for or ask the doctor about?

The inherent deadliness of the KB swing PROVEN (Cheng and Chesser rejoice!):

Grinding feeling and pain in shoulder

I can feel grinding pain (right where my bra strap lies) and hear a popping/clicking noise when I move my shoulder/arm. Since yesterday (did alot of KB swings) I have had shooting pain when I raise my arm. The pain isn't all the time, but sometimes I can't even raise my arm 6 inches. Any ideas?

Shaf's favorite...da thruster:

Shoulder pain after thrusters

I'm worried about my shoulder pain after thrusters...i started crossfit in august of this year and my very first workout was fran and it absolutely killed my shoulders..i only get the pain going overhead on thrusters.. it's weird

before that for 2 years i did machine shoulder presses with almost 200lbs and never had any pain whatsoever..

I'm thinking that it's bad posture after watching Kelly starret's video on shoulder impingement.. which would make sense because the machine presses force you to have proper posture i.e elbows out

I rested my shoulders for about 2 months (no thrusters) and they were 100% no pain at all..2 days ago i tried fran again..trying to concentrate on elbows out more and proper posture and the same exact thing a lot of pain both sides resting and going overhead..i can't tell if it's a deep or shallow pain..it feels like it's in the joints but when i push on my front delts i get some pain too..

please help! i love crossfit and i'm wanting to start to train for the european qualifiers with my coach but if i can't get this shoulder pain under control i'm doomed from the get go..

ELITE BLOOD:

Bloodwork for CrossFit / Elite -v- Normal?

I am going to get some bloodwork done to see what's going on since I went from a no working out overweight vegetarian to a wod crushing almost look good naked paleo.

The general stuff they test for gives a good indication of health and if you fall in the "normal" range the doc sends you on your way. The normal range is HUGE and I wonder about the doc even knowing what really good blood is?


I don't want "normal" blood I want elite cf blood!

So to black box and perfect the whole cf, paleo diet and rest thing wouldn't we want to get bloodwork with a few more bells and whistles then the average person? Suppose you had some extra cash to upgrade your bloodwork what would you add? Like my LDL particle size . . . .or

[T200]

----------------------

[Crust Bucket]

Those cripples up there should just get into walking around the block and forget about any other kind of exercise. But the walk would have to be around an uncrowded road since I'm sure one of those asswipes would get hit by a car.

[Eric B]

I confess that until now CF hasn't even been a blip on my radar. I started combing this thread and, as a result, the CF board.

Holy shit. This feels like the day I finally watched "Arrested Development," was blown away, and realized, giddy, that there were dozens of hours of the same waiting to entertain me.

My jaw has dropped more than once witnessing the near-retard levels of stupidity in the records of these douchebags.

I'm only on page 5 of this thread. But equally as entertaining is the CF board itself. I want, no kidding, to work out with a group of these entitled idiots because the potential for fucking with them is literally unlimited. Hey yo, I've started wrapping duct tape around my biceps and it's taken my 95-lb oly lifts to insane levels. Smash your face with a motorcycle helmet. Seriously, bro, the vertical modality of that movement is perfect. Do it for twelve reps and post times to comments.

Wow.

[Eric B]

This is like a beautiful sunrise of idiocy.

Could a reality series be done with these people, like "My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss?"

Wait. That's exactly what's happening.

[Eric B]

Has anyone in this organization performed a proper Tabata workout? You don't just pick the weight up again for a repeat performance. You grab the nearest horizontal surface and dry heave.

Then again, I'm not elite.

Wow, these guys are stupid assholes.

[DrDonkeyLove]

Enjoying some FORUMZ:

ELITE BLOOD:

Bloodwork for CrossFit / Elite -v- Normal?

I am going to get some bloodwork done to see what's going on since I went from a no working out overweight vegetarian to a wod crushing almost look good naked paleo.

The general stuff they test for gives a good indication of health and if you fall in the "normal" range the doc sends you on your way. The normal range is HUGE and I wonder about the doc even knowing what really good blood is?


I don't want "normal" blood I want elite cf blood!

So to black box and perfect the whole cf, paleo diet and rest thing wouldn't we want to get bloodwork with a few more bells and whistles then the average person? Suppose you had some extra cash to upgrade your bloodwork what would you add? Like my LDL particle size . . . .or

My weekend starts off officially delighted. What next, elite @f hair, skin, nails?

[Gin Master]

Holy shit. This feels like the day I finally watched "Arrested Development," was blown away, and realized, giddy, that there were dozens of hours of the same waiting to entertain me.

My jaw has dropped more than once witnessing the near-retard levels of stupidity in the records of these douchebags.

Welcome to the Haus of Hate. I would advise you to start slowly and read a few pages at a time. It's like drinking from a fire hose of stupidity. Reading the entire thread at once--while looking at the @F forums--would be like when the Nazis opened the Ark on Indiana Jones. It's too much for a rational human to handle.

[Shafpocalypse Now]

I know.

Take 1 part drunken cult leader.
Take 3 parts of cult administrators, isolating the leader from day to day operations.
Take 100000 parts of fitness consumer who doesn't know a fucking thing about anything regarding fitness

And you get lulz!

I agree with the Ginmaster.

Too much "couch" thread in one day turns you into a Patrick Donovan or a Boto.

[WildGorillaMan]

I confess that until now CF hasn't even been a blip on my radar. I started combing this thread and, as a result, the CF board.

Holy shit. This feels like the day I finally watched "Arrested Development," was blown away, and realized, giddy, that there were dozens of hours of the same waiting to entertain me.

My jaw has dropped more than once witnessing the near-retard levels of stupidity in the records of these douchebags.

I'm only on page 5 of this thread. But equally as entertaining is the CF board itself. I want, no kidding, to work out with a group of these entitled idiots because the potential for fucking with them is literally unlimited. Hey yo, I've started wrapping duct tape around my biceps and it's taken my 95-lb oly lifts to insane levels. Smash your face with a motorcycle helmet. Seriously, bro, the vertical modality of that movement is perfect. Do it for twelve reps and post times to comments.

Wow.

You think it's only "near-retard"?

Keep reading.

[Eric B]

You think it's only "near-retard"?

Keep reading.

I am, and am at a loss.

Does anyone audit their results versus injuries?

Also, I am a white person. What is it about the siren song of "elite?" I can't justify hearing a human mess saying "Stop," and me saying "Hammer Time," but that seems to be what's happening. How did this thing find a foothold?

My head is still swimming.

[Danny John]

The thread "makes more sense" once people started copy and pasting the quotes so that the magic fairies wouldn't delete stuff. There is a lot of interesting stuff that is missing, but you can get the basics here.

[Sofa King]

I think of some of the terms they use like "chipper" and calling a gym a "box" or a "black box," and I shake my head. I know "chipper" was coined by Mike Minium. I suggested "box" to the affiliate in Vancouver, BC.
Couch came up with the worst one of all; "elite." I sincerely apologize for contributing to the rampant douchebaggery.

I did get a @fit Vancouver hoodie which I need to give away to atone for my sins. Details to follow.

[Fish]

Haha. Good stuff upside. Looks like we had the same idea for a Tuesday night.

=D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

I have not laughed like that in a while.

[Gin Master]

Haha. Good stuff upside. Looks like we had the same idea for a Tuesday night.

=D> =D> =D> =D> =D> =D>

I have not laughed like that in a while.

True to form, a @Fer responded thusly:

Ha, I love it! I am an affiliate owner and I use to find these things offensive, but you know I've grown to love them. You know you're on to something really good when this many people are taking notice, good or bad. Thanks for the publicity!

[Gary John]

Excellent.

I'll have to try and listen to the other one.

Much genius here at the couchluv site.

[Kraj]

Got another flyer in my junk mail today. I don't know what it is with these guys. Oh well, at least they're training full grown adults this time.


http://img188.imageshack.us/img188/6796 ... taroon.png

[Fuzzy Dunlop]

The best thing about the xtranormal movies is the pronunciation of gymNAST. Couch approved!

[Mickey O'neil]

Got another flyer in my junk mail today. I don't know what it is with these guys. Oh well, at least they're training full grown adults this time.


http://img188.imageshack.us/img188/6796 ... taroon.png

=D> =D> =D>

[CultBuster]

You have got to be kidding! Please tell me this is a joke and that someone made that flyer as a joke. It has gotten like a good SNL short where you aren't sure if it is a joke or a really bas idea!

Here is one I can't believe no one called bullshit on....

Leah Turner
Member



Profile:
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Latrobe PA
Posts: 367 Chasing down a pickpocketer

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well it's not as glorious as it may sound, but I was a bit pysched.

After Mass I noticed a younger man out of place, sitting in the back pew. A few moments later standing outside he ran past me with a wad of money he stole from a women's purse. Everyone just stood there and watched while I immediately started walking, just to see where he was going. But, I really wanted to sprint him down despite a false inhibition holding me back. Finally an usher came up behind me and said, "hey let's get him." I sprinted, kicking off my dress shoes along the way, running through the grass near the highway. As I approached the man I asked for the money back, which he handed over.
While, my instinct should have been near instant, which I want to work on developing, I am sure that without Crossfit I wouldn't have had the confidence or desire to attempt to run in such a situation. But since CF I want to be one of the silent protective watchdogs that someone in the CF Journals wrote about.

This experience illustrated my weakness of senses. I noticed the out of place man before the incident occured, but was distracted and thought nothing more of it. A mistake.

And lastly, I need to increase my amount of sprinting because this guy wasn't too fast a runner to begin with.

Despite the revealed weakness to improve on I thank Crossfit for the ability and desire to respond in this situation. It's also interesting what adrenaline does to a person...
__________________
"Mein Herz schlägt bayerisch."
~ Papst Benedikt XVI.

They all focused on free running and self devense, when no one looked and said hmmmm...

a thief takes off running and you stand and watch, then walk a bit and THEN you kick off your shoes to sprint and you not only catch him, but you run along side him and ask for the money back with no issues? was he 1 legged? How fast are you that you are in control of your breathing at the ned of a dead sprint. No news media? Like Couch'r GymNAST days

[Gary John]

Kraj,

Brilliant.

And you guys have that gymNAST stuck in my head.

[tough old man]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbrNZZLTKm4

Allison come out and play.

[Sofa King]

"I ron garm rulez."

[Gin Master]

The best thing about the xtranormal movies is the pronunciation of gymNAST. Couch approved!

I don't know how the program would handle "gymnast." I entered it as two words, "gym Nast," just to be sure.

Dear @F forum...

I'm inclined to believe much of the story, at least the principle that, by doing WODs, an untrained person is now qualified to chase down a possibly armed thief. After all, doing @F and reading the @FJ prepares you for that.