The couch thread

IWP · Post by **IWP** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:04 pm

Posted twice for double the hate.

IWP · Post by **IWP** » Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:08 pm

Rhabdophaggot: Your doctor hates you, and has told all the other doctors what a dumb ass you are.

Foul-Mouthed Ignoramus · Sun Apr 05, 2009 10:57 pm

The Nightman wrote:
T200 wrote:And also, faggotry marches on...

CrossFit Green Bay Packers(?!)

I was on my team's web-site this a.m. and saw the interview with Dave Redding the Packer's Strength and Conditioning Coach. I was floored with the gross similarities between how he is training professional football players and what we do at CF. If you have nothing better to do with your time, it's pretty interesting (although the total interview is pretty long, 20 minutes).

WFS:

http://www.packers.com/

Go to the right side of the page, you'll see the videos and click on "Dave Redding Strength Coord. April 1 Interview"
This hurts, my beloved Packers....

Well, as long as they aren't literally "doing CrossFit". I can't stand the sound of that guy's voice, so I won't watch the video. KENT JOHNSTON, WHERE R U????

LiftHeavyShit · Post by **LiftHeavyShit** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:02 am

T200 wrote:And also, faggotry marches on...

CrossFit Green Bay Packers(?!)

I was on my team's web-site this a.m. and saw the interview with Dave Redding the Packer's Strength and Conditioning Coach. I was floored with the gross similarities between how he is training professional football players and what we do at CF. If you have nothing better to do with your time, it's pretty interesting (although the total interview is pretty long, 20 minutes).

WFS:

http://www.packers.com/

Go to the right side of the page, you'll see the videos and click on "Dave Redding Strength Coord. April 1 Interview"

A prime example of Couch's spiked Kool aid. He's convinced these dipshits to believe that he invented weights, he invented running, he invented cross training, he invented kettlebells, and even the fucking pushup. Now, you can look at ANYTHING and have one of these dipshits claiming CF influence. I didn't watch the video and I don't need to. Who gives a fuck what the Packers do. They are real athletes. Did someone lift some fucking weights? Big deal!

Couch has a few reasons for pimping out so many fucking certs. First, he gets all the never-weres to buy in and fork over thousands of bucks. What's even better is that you get these newbie fucktards thinking that CF has invented all of the ideas. They have a cert for every fucking thing you could think of. It's another way for Couch to lay claim to anything and everything. Meanwhile, he's nothing but a phony with a made up injury. He never accomplished anything and he damn well knows it. Don't you Glasshole?

I know you are reading this, you fucking gimp legged penny fetcher

POD · Post by **POD** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:57 am

LiftHeavyShit wrote:I know you are reading this, you fucking gimp legged penny fetcher

I doubt it. If he were, he wouldn't have the self-control to refrain from posting to tell us all how we are "misinterpreting the metrics by which fitness is evaluated in a scientific experiment such a CrossFit where empirical evidence is key in finding successful methods of increasing work capacity across broad time and modal domains." (Made-up, but realistic, quote.) Or some shit like that.

You can, however, be certain that Lynne is reading this from her computer at work, or maybe she's even going so far as to put in personal time at home to do it. Wouldn't that be a compliment?

T200 · Post by **T200** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:53 am

LiftHeavyShit wrote: I didn't watch the video and I don't need to. Who gives a fuck what the Packers do.

I watched a couple minutes of it and a quick perusal of the Packer's workout board showed nothing I would associate with @Fit.

Dano · Post by **Dano** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:13 am

Ed Zachary wrote:I don't understand how you can give yourself Rhabdo.

I've done some pretty intense workouts and I was an above average Cultfitter at one time but other than being sore as hell I've never managed to make myself fucking sick.

I just don't get it.

Untrained individuals trained by idiots. Sheeple. The only story I have to compare this came from a PA working in the prison system. Some kid came in sick is hell. His CPK was something north of 30,000. Apparently they were doing some creative training method they called "tearing down". Basically, tons of negatives, drop sets, forced reps etc. I guess the kids forearms actually appeared edematous they were so swollen and inflammed.

Moral of the story: @fit "trainers" are no smarter nor do they train their clients smarter then some young punks in the prison system.

Shafpocalypse Now · Post by **Shafpocalypse Now** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:36 pm

Patrick: Rest assured that on any given day, GG is perusing this thread, as well as all the mods from XF.com and several of the 'admin' XF types ('sup Tony B!). He's very aware of what is going on.

Shafpocalypse Now · Post by **Shafpocalypse Now** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 1:37 pm

Yeah, the 1000s of bodyweight squats and burpee contest prisoners have is what used to cause rhabdo, now it's @f.

A lot of people get fucked up on the GHR sit ups. It's because of the extreme stretch of that movement.

The Venerable Bogatir X · Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:00 pm

The Bastard Son of the Shafman wrote:A lot of people get fucked up on the GHR sit ups. It's because of the extreme stretch of that movement.

RCSU is what made my Umbilical Hernia go pop.

Gin Master · Post by **Gin Master** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:25 pm

T200 wrote:I predict Couch escapes clean as a whistle from the impending @Fit collapse. I suspect he is well-insulated.

He will. I'm sure that there will be a clause in the Ginsurance Group that states no payments will be made in cases of negligence. The death will be "investigated," and the trainer will be found to be negligent. Hence, no payment.

Couch will dissolve the Ginsurance Group, citing massive non-compliance by participating affiliates. He will pay a modest dividend to the affiliates and make an undisclosed donation to some military group. He'll claim that there is no more money as Mrs. Couch gets another 250ccs of silicone.

Hebrew Hammer · Post by **Hebrew Hammer** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 2:51 pm

Gin Master wrote:
T200 wrote:I predict Couch escapes clean as a whistle from the impending @Fit collapse. I suspect he is well-insulated.
He will. I'm sure that there will be a clause in the Ginsurance Group that states no payments will be made in cases of negligence. The death will be "investigated," and the trainer will be found to be negligent. Hence, no payment.

Couch will dissolve the Ginsurance Group, citing massive non-compliance by participating affiliates. He will pay a modest dividend to the affiliates and make an undisclosed donation to some military group. He'll claim that there is no more money as Mrs. Couch gets another 250ccs of silicone.

Doesn't work that way. All these activities are filled with risk for personal liability for the head guy. Insulating yourself means playing carefully by the rules. Doesn't seem to me that he's been doing that, but I'd be curious to see an affiliate agreement and a certification agreement.

Gin Master · Post by **Gin Master** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:06 pm

Hebrew Hammer wrote:
Gin Master wrote:
T200 wrote:I predict Couch escapes clean as a whistle from the impending @Fit collapse. I suspect he is well-insulated.
He will. I'm sure that there will be a clause in the Ginsurance Group that states no payments will be made in cases of negligence. The death will be "investigated," and the trainer will be found to be negligent. Hence, no payment.

Couch will dissolve the Ginsurance Group, citing massive non-compliance by participating affiliates. He will pay a modest dividend to the affiliates and make an undisclosed donation to some military group. He'll claim that there is no more money as Mrs. Couch gets another 250ccs of silicone.
Doesn't work that way. All these activities are filled with risk for personal liability for the head guy. Insulating yourself means playing carefully by the rules. Doesn't seem to me that he's been doing that, but I'd be curious to see an affiliate agreement and a certification agreement.

Normally, yes. But Couch has Wilson Sonsini doing his legal work. I imagine those guys are putting him as far out of harm's way as he can get. I would think Couch is making rules very favorable to himself--self serving statements about safety, form, instruction, etc. He doesn't even let Level I "trainers" call themselves coaches (to their credit, the L2 and L3 people I've met are too smart to rhabdo someone). Couch is probably claiming a reasonable standard that far exceeds that practiced by normal affiliates. I know he's going to turn his back on them.

Franchise is not my area, but I bet Couch puts himself out of range of general negligence claims Surely the affiliates sign indemnity agreements.

Can anyone get here get their sticky hands on a CF affiliate agreement?

Hebrew Hammer · Post by **Hebrew Hammer** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:33 pm

Someone like the guy in the hospital with rhabdo could probably sue the gym and the trainers for negligence (triggering insurance) and gross negligence (triggering personal liability and punitive damages). He could also probably sue Glassman and any other leaders who participate in the rhabdo-pukey-cheerleading. A lawyer could sort through Cross-Fit's message board and see what's been posted and, if Cross-Fit deletes critical comments, force CrossFit to retrieve all it's deleted that could have warned people if they had kept it up on their board. If they have a trainer-only board, you could pull posts off of that. And you could probably get testimony as to what is said at certifications. Also, you could gather evidence on what is not done - training, supervision, safety rules. All in all, from what I've picked up here, my guess is that Glassman and some other higher-ups may have personal liability for knowingly or recklessly encouraging dangerous practices, which is probably actionable in these circumstances. Someday, someone will have a field day with all this.

It's interesting Cross-Fit has a first-rate law firm. I'd like to see how they structures the arrangements legally. My hunch is that it's filled with holes.

This is not legal advice. Anyone seeking legal advice should consult a lawyer.

Kazuya Mishima · Post by **Kazuya Mishima** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 3:51 pm

T200 · Post by **T200** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:02 pm

So how do you measure a cup of strawberries? (zone question)
I don't get why you use a scale to measure protein nice and exact, then turn around and measure cups of fruit and veggies, which seems too ripe for error. Is there a chart out there that says how many ounces or grams for a block of ____ (pick the carb)? thx
Steve

Crust Bucket · Post by **Crust Bucket** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:10 pm

T200 wrote:
So how do you measure a cup of strawberries? (zone question)
I don't get why you use a scale to measure protein nice and exact, then turn around and measure cups of fruit and veggies, which seems too ripe for error. Is there a chart out there that says how many ounces or grams for a block of ____ (pick the carb)? thx
Steve

Oh jeezus that dudes gotta be a catcher.

T200 · Post by **T200** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:24 pm

Also, quoted from one of the rhabdo dudes:

The biggest thing that keyed me off is when they say in the symptoms severe muscle soreness, they mean it. I was unable to bend my arms even close to straight, and it was definately not normal workout pains. The only think my doc didnt find funny was when I made a joke that now I might get a Rhabdo shirt at the gym.

Other idiot:

A free shirt is a free shirt
get well soon!

Rhabdo idiot again:

Thats what I thought. I earned a Pukey shirt last week too. I need to stop pushing myself quite so hard, even though I am stubborn and if you give me a workout, I have the mind set that I WILL finish it no matter how long it takes, and thats why I am here

My doctor seemed to think the same thing. He had never seen Rhabdo from something as simple as "doing too many pull ups" as I described it to him. He wasn't happy that I didn't think it to be a big deal either.

And a new idiot emerges:

I'm almost positive I suffered rhabdo from a subbed rowing workout (SDHP's). It was one where we had to do 100 SHPS, 75, 50, and 25. I didn't get discolored urine, but about 48 hours after my workout, my arms were extremely sore bordering on intense pain. I could move them, but only with gritted teeth. It took almost a week and a half before the soreness/pain resolved. I didn't think it was rhabdo until afterward.

I'd been CrossFitting for over a year and a half, with no rowing experience, and very little SDHP experience.

Also there is some chick in the thread who's stomach swells up from "core workouts" until she appears pregnant, allegedly due to past @Fit-induced rhabdo.

LOL at the entire thread: http://www.board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?t=44149

Pinky · Post by **Pinky** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:27 pm

Hebrew Hammer wrote:I'd be curious to see an affiliate agreement and a certification agreement.

I imagine something like this:
"This certification is for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to certify the recipient's ability to train others, or to encourage the recipient to train others. Crossfit encourages everyone, including the recipient, to consult a physician, a professional trainer and a psyciatrist before attempting any workout."

Turdacious · Post by **Turdacious** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:35 pm

Pinky wrote:
Hebrew Hammer wrote:I'd be curious to see an affiliate agreement and a certification agreement.
I imagine something like this:
"This certification is for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to certify the recipient's ability to train others, or to encourage the recipient to train others. Crossfit encourages everyone, including the recipient, to consult a physician, a professional trainer and a psyciatrist before attempting any workout."

Any shrink would greatly improve their business passing business cards out at an @fit cert.

TerryB · Post by **TerryB** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 5:56 pm

if you give me a workout, I have the mind set that I WILL finish it no matter how long it takes, and thats why I am here

Yep, join the crew of narcissitic, flamboyant, exercise-challenged crusaders filling Cultfit gyms across America. It's not about achieving anything--it's about feeling like you're achieving something (puking being the prime modal indicator).

Hebrew Hammer · Post by **Hebrew Hammer** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 6:07 pm

The Unflushable DEATHTURD wrote:
Pinky wrote:
Hebrew Hammer wrote:I'd be curious to see an affiliate agreement and a certification agreement.
I imagine something like this:
"This certification is for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to certify the recipient's ability to train others, or to encourage the recipient to train others. Crossfit encourages everyone, including the recipient, to consult a physician, a professional trainer and a psyciatrist before attempting any workout."
Any shrink would greatly improve their business passing business cards out at an @fit cert.

Sounds to me like a business plan for Fatty if he ever gets that community college degree.

wtf · Post by **wtf** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 6:17 pm

"Tell me about your mother" until you puke. Then the healing can begin.

The Unflushable DEATHTURD wrote:
Pinky wrote:
Hebrew Hammer wrote:I'd be curious to see an affiliate agreement and a certification agreement.
I imagine something like this:
"This certification is for entertainment purposes only. It is not meant to certify the recipient's ability to train others, or to encourage the recipient to train others. Crossfit encourages everyone, including the recipient, to consult a physician, a professional trainer and a psyciatrist before attempting any workout."
Any shrink would greatly improve their business passing business cards out at an @fit cert.

Turdacious · Post by **Turdacious** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 6:53 pm

T200 wrote:Also, quoted from one of the rhabdo dudes:
The biggest thing that keyed me off is when they say in the symptoms severe muscle soreness, they mean it. I was unable to bend my arms even close to straight, and it was definately not normal workout pains. The only think my doc didnt find funny was when I made a joke that now I might get a Rhabdo shirt at the gym.
Other idiot:
A free shirt is a free shirt
get well soon!
Rhabdo idiot again:
Thats what I thought. I earned a Pukey shirt last week too. I need to stop pushing myself quite so hard, even though I am stubborn and if you give me a workout, I have the mind set that I WILL finish it no matter how long it takes, and thats why I am here

My doctor seemed to think the same thing. He had never seen Rhabdo from something as simple as "doing too many pull ups" as I described it to him. He wasn't happy that I didn't think it to be a big deal either.
And a new idiot emerges:
I'm almost positive I suffered rhabdo from a subbed rowing workout (SDHP's). It was one where we had to do 100 SHPS, 75, 50, and 25. I didn't get discolored urine, but about 48 hours after my workout, my arms were extremely sore bordering on intense pain. I could move them, but only with gritted teeth. It took almost a week and a half before the soreness/pain resolved. I didn't think it was rhabdo until afterward.

I'd been CrossFitting for over a year and a half, with no rowing experience, and very little SDHP experience.
Also there is some chick in the thread who's stomach swells up from "core workouts" until she appears pregnant, allegedly due to past @Fit-induced rhabdo.

LOL at the entire thread: http://www.board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?t=44149

There is a cure:

SUPPLIES: #10 wash tub, 2 Lbs. ice, 1 burlap sack, 6" twine, 11.3 gal. H2O., 3 Lbs. Kosher rock salt, @fitter.

PROCEDURE: Fill #10 wash tub with 11.8 Gal. of water. Integrate 2 Lbs. ice into tub, stir. Pour rock salt evenly over surface of tub, stir. Place said @fitter in sack. Secure @fitter in sack with length of twine. Submerge burlap sack in tub, hold against bottom. Count 50 Mississippi. Dispose of sack in refuse bin along with contents, dispose of promptly.

Gin Master · Post by **Gin Master** » Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:13 pm

The Unflushable DEATHTURD wrote:There is a cure:

SUPPLIES: #10 wash tub, 2 Lbs. ice, 1 burlap sack, 6" twine, 11.3 gal. H2O., 3 Lbs. Kosher rock salt, @fitter.

PROCEDURE: Fill #10 wash tub with 11.8 Gal. of water. Integrate 2 Lbs. ice into tub, stir. Pour rock salt evenly over surface of tub, stir. Place said @fitter in sack. Secure @fitter in sack with length of twine. Submerge burlap sack in tub, hold against bottom. Count 50 Mississippi. Dispose of sack in refuse bin along with contents, dispose of promptly.

Looks like you're brining the kool-aid drinkers. Are you about to make a joke about PVC and rotisserie?

IGX

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