Mental Health

Grandpa's Spells · Post by **Grandpa's Spells** » Thu Feb 09, 2023 11:23 pm

Gotcha. Not giving anything away (it's on the cover), but those books cover how to deal with someone with BPD, one of the Cluster B ones I mentioned.

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Fri Feb 10, 2023 1:04 am

Looked at your post, then googled Cluster B, and the four types that comprise it.

Traditionally, I’ve had a poor awareness of picking up on those issues.

Looking forwards to reading both books and gaining some new skills.

Turdacious · Post by **Turdacious** » Thu Feb 16, 2023 10:06 pm

Bram wrote: ↑Tue Feb 07, 2023 7:04 pm I appreciate you, MJ&S, Benny, Turdacious, Lenny, and anyone else I’m forgetting, for pushing me to figure this stuff out.

None of my offline friends have, but you guys did. Thank you :)

Glad things are going well. Now you’re probably in a better position to help because you can share how going to a pro is helping you and suggest it to them. If they aren’t serious you put a filter in place that will show that they aren’t ready to make changes. I’m mid process of swapping health insurance providers and better mental health benefits is one the big reasons.

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Fri Feb 17, 2023 9:27 am

Thanks, Turd! I hope you connect with good support when you get your insurance sorted. I don’t know if you want to share your own things, but I’ll listen.

I’ve been thinking about when I actually made a positive impact.

Sometimes it is advice. This is what I gravitate towards, but it’s effective only under certain circumstances — when people are motivated to make a change.

Sometimes it’s being a good listener.

Sometimes it’s from making the hard choice — being giving instead of selfish comes to mind.

I think I need to work on listening and character more. And to be okay with that being the means of support.

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Sat Feb 18, 2023 1:34 pm

I found this article helpful…a couple things that stood out are included below.

“How Do You Serve a Friend in Despair?”

https://archive.is/byYLQ#selection-271.0-276.0

* “I made the mistake of trying to advise him about how to lift his depression….I did not realize it was energy and desire he lacked, not ideas about things to do.”

* “I tried to remind him of all the wonderful blessings he enjoyed…. I’ve since read that this might make sufferers feel even worse about themselves for not being able to enjoy all the things that are palpably enjoyable.”

* “I learned, very gradually, that a friend’s job in this situation is not to cheer the person up. It’s to acknowledge the reality of the situation; it’s to hear, respect, and love the other person; it’s to show that you haven’t given up on him or her, that you haven’t walked away.”

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Thu Feb 23, 2023 8:07 pm

Another update….

Have decided to keep going to therapy. When I last went, seventeen years ago, I kept going until I ran out of things to work on or talk about. I think that is a smart approach, and am going to repeat it.

Decided to quit drinking. Took February off to support one of my friends and it has had a positive effect: he’s drinking less. Want to keep supporting him, so am going to keep it going.

With my other depressed friends, there’s not much I can do besides checking in and letting them know I’m thinking of them. Feel a sense of peace about that.

Grandpa's Spells · Post by **Grandpa's Spells** » Fri Feb 24, 2023 8:36 pm

Right on

motherjuggs&speed · Post by **motherjuggs&speed** » Sat Feb 25, 2023 12:43 am

Part of mental health is physical. I can see this in my own life every day. Once I start getting tired my mind goes to darker places. I know this, and sometimes avoid it, but when I'm in that state I want to indulge the darkness. It doesn't help that it's a powerful urge that humans have. When I sleep enough, eat right (for me), take my med/supp stack, exercise, and get outside during the day at least a few days a week, I'm entirely different. I still have my stuff but I'm a lot more functional and can think clearly at least part of the time. Not that it's a panacea but without the right pieces in place, well, my history speaks for itself. I have thought about my stuff a lot and haven't made changes or even understood things until I got the right meds. And the supps help a lot too, which for me is Dr. Emil's lion's mane caps and fish oil. The story on fish oil keeps changing but I know how I am without it.

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Sat Feb 25, 2023 4:35 am

That’s a lot of positive steps you’re taking:

The right medication for you
The right supplements for you
Outdoors
Exercise
Diet
Sleep

I think that’s pretty cool.

motherjuggs&speed · Post by **motherjuggs&speed** » Sat Feb 25, 2023 7:56 am

We're also driven crazy by the model of psychological well-being that we're told is right. A normal human isn't a happy zombie like a sitcom character. We have drives, feelings, urges. In WWII sailors cursed like sailors because they were in an insane situation. They had feelings and expressed those feelings in different ways. Some drank whatever they could distill into hooch. Some took French leave. Some went Asiatic. Many were never the same, even the ones who A) Returned B) In one piece. People today are under strain and we don't have the things that keep people sane and healthy. This is by design so the overlords can control us more easily.

motherjuggs&speed · Post by **motherjuggs&speed** » Sat Feb 25, 2023 8:01 am

I've been thinking about the theory that depression is repressed anger. I think that's right, at least for me. My anger turned inwards. I think if we had better avenues for expression of our needs we would still be screwed but we'd be able to think about things more clearly.

"I don't get depressed, I get angry." -- Dave Tate

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Sat Feb 25, 2023 6:43 pm

You ever kick or punch a heavy bag? I used to have the hugest grin when I did. All the emotional frustrations driven into the bag. You gotta have good technique or you’ll fuck yourself up. But once the technique is there you can let your soul out on those things.

motherjuggs&speed · Post by **motherjuggs&speed** » Sun Feb 26, 2023 1:21 pm

I keep forgetting to get a heavy bag.

motherjuggs&speed · Post by **motherjuggs&speed** » Fri Mar 10, 2023 8:53 am

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Fri Mar 10, 2023 2:28 pm

MJS, thanks for the share! I like Zappa’s perspective, never heard him speak before.

I read a memoir by a therapist last year, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and a line comes to mind:

“Beyond the theories, tools, and techniques, all therapists know how hard it is to be a person.“

Being a person is tricky. Learning to forgive, learning to apologize, learning to listen, letting go of bad tendencies, picking up good ones. There’s a lot to mental health.

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Sat Mar 11, 2023 5:47 pm

Sharing a flaw I have that was pointed out by the therapist. Maybe this resonates with you as well?

As homework, she asked me to write about pushing people away.

The very next morning I had a situation where my instincts where to push that person away. I decided to do the uncomfortable thing and go visit them unannounced. I even sat in the car outside their house, gnawing my lip, battling with going in or not.

Although the first moments were tense, It became one of those situations where you feel like you are in absolutely the correct place in the world at the correct time.

This is a weird lesson to attempt to learn. It’s cropped up a few times since as well. Hope it strikes a chord with someone reading to give it a try.