Mental Health

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Grandpa's Spells
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Post by Grandpa's Spells »

Gotcha. Not giving anything away (it's on the cover), but those books cover how to deal with someone with BPD, one of the Cluster B ones I mentioned.
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Bram
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Post by Bram »

Looked at your post, then googled Cluster B, and the four types that comprise it.

Traditionally, I’ve had a poor awareness of picking up on those issues.

Looking forwards to reading both books and gaining some new skills.
“Do not reflect upon the possibility of defeat; you become too anxious and lose your freedom of style.” — Harry Vardon

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Post by Turdacious »

Bram wrote: Tue Feb 07, 2023 7:04 pm I appreciate you, MJ&S, Benny, Turdacious, Lenny, and anyone else I’m forgetting, for pushing me to figure this stuff out.

None of my offline friends have, but you guys did. Thank you :)
Glad things are going well. Now you’re probably in a better position to help because you can share how going to a pro is helping you and suggest it to them. If they aren’t serious you put a filter in place that will show that they aren’t ready to make changes. I’m mid process of swapping health insurance providers and better mental health benefits is one the big reasons.
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Bram
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Post by Bram »

Thanks, Turd! I hope you connect with good support when you get your insurance sorted. I don’t know if you want to share your own things, but I’ll listen.

I’ve been thinking about when I actually made a positive impact.

Sometimes it is advice. This is what I gravitate towards, but it’s effective only under certain circumstances — when people are motivated to make a change.

Sometimes it’s being a good listener.

Sometimes it’s from making the hard choice — being giving instead of selfish comes to mind.

I think I need to work on listening and character more. And to be okay with that being the means of support.
“Do not reflect upon the possibility of defeat; you become too anxious and lose your freedom of style.” — Harry Vardon

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Post by Bram »

I found this article helpful…a couple things that stood out are included below.

“How Do You Serve a Friend in Despair?”

https://archive.is/byYLQ#selection-271.0-276.0

* “I made the mistake of trying to advise him about how to lift his depression….I did not realize it was energy and desire he lacked, not ideas about things to do.”

* “I tried to remind him of all the wonderful blessings he enjoyed…. I’ve since read that this might make sufferers feel even worse about themselves for not being able to enjoy all the things that are palpably enjoyable.”

* “I learned, very gradually, that a friend’s job in this situation is not to cheer the person up. It’s to acknowledge the reality of the situation; it’s to hear, respect, and love the other person; it’s to show that you haven’t given up on him or her, that you haven’t walked away.”
“Do not reflect upon the possibility of defeat; you become too anxious and lose your freedom of style.” — Harry Vardon

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Post by Bram »

Another update….

Have decided to keep going to therapy. When I last went, seventeen years ago, I kept going until I ran out of things to work on or talk about. I think that is a smart approach, and am going to repeat it.

Decided to quit drinking. Took February off to support one of my friends and it has had a positive effect: he’s drinking less. Want to keep supporting him, so am going to keep it going.

With my other depressed friends, there’s not much I can do besides checking in and letting them know I’m thinking of them. Feel a sense of peace about that.
“Do not reflect upon the possibility of defeat; you become too anxious and lose your freedom of style.” — Harry Vardon

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Grandpa's Spells
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Post by Grandpa's Spells »

Right on
One of the downsides of the Internet is that it allows like-minded people to form communities, and sometimes those communities are stupid.


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Post by motherjuggs&speed »

Part of mental health is physical. I can see this in my own life every day. Once I start getting tired my mind goes to darker places. I know this, and sometimes avoid it, but when I'm in that state I want to indulge the darkness. It doesn't help that it's a powerful urge that humans have. When I sleep enough, eat right (for me), take my med/supp stack, exercise, and get outside during the day at least a few days a week, I'm entirely different. I still have my stuff but I'm a lot more functional and can think clearly at least part of the time. Not that it's a panacea but without the right pieces in place, well, my history speaks for itself. I have thought about my stuff a lot and haven't made changes or even understood things until I got the right meds. And the supps help a lot too, which for me is Dr. Emil's lion's mane caps and fish oil. The story on fish oil keeps changing but I know how I am without it.

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Post by Bram »

That’s a lot of positive steps you’re taking:

The right medication for you
The right supplements for you
Outdoors
Exercise
Diet
Sleep

I think that’s pretty cool.
“Do not reflect upon the possibility of defeat; you become too anxious and lose your freedom of style.” — Harry Vardon


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Post by motherjuggs&speed »

We're also driven crazy by the model of psychological well-being that we're told is right. A normal human isn't a happy zombie like a sitcom character. We have drives, feelings, urges. In WWII sailors cursed like sailors because they were in an insane situation. They had feelings and expressed those feelings in different ways. Some drank whatever they could distill into hooch. Some took French leave. Some went Asiatic. Many were never the same, even the ones who A) Returned B) In one piece. People today are under strain and we don't have the things that keep people sane and healthy. This is by design so the overlords can control us more easily.
Last edited by motherjuggs&speed on Sat Feb 25, 2023 8:03 am, edited 1 time in total.


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Post by motherjuggs&speed »

I've been thinking about the theory that depression is repressed anger. I think that's right, at least for me. My anger turned inwards. I think if we had better avenues for expression of our needs we would still be screwed but we'd be able to think about things more clearly.

"I don't get depressed, I get angry." -- Dave Tate

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Post by Bram »

You ever kick or punch a heavy bag? I used to have the hugest grin when I did. All the emotional frustrations driven into the bag. You gotta have good technique or you’ll fuck yourself up. But once the technique is there you can let your soul out on those things.
“Do not reflect upon the possibility of defeat; you become too anxious and lose your freedom of style.” — Harry Vardon


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Post by motherjuggs&speed »

I keep forgetting to get a heavy bag.


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Post by Bram »

MJS, thanks for the share! I like Zappa’s perspective, never heard him speak before.

I read a memoir by a therapist last year, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, and a line comes to mind:

“Beyond the theories, tools, and techniques, all therapists know how hard it is to be a person.“

Being a person is tricky. Learning to forgive, learning to apologize, learning to listen, letting go of bad tendencies, picking up good ones. There’s a lot to mental health.
“Do not reflect upon the possibility of defeat; you become too anxious and lose your freedom of style.” — Harry Vardon

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Post by Bram »

Sharing a flaw I have that was pointed out by the therapist. Maybe this resonates with you as well?

As homework, she asked me to write about pushing people away.

The very next morning I had a situation where my instincts where to push that person away. I decided to do the uncomfortable thing and go visit them unannounced. I even sat in the car outside their house, gnawing my lip, battling with going in or not.

Although the first moments were tense, It became one of those situations where you feel like you are in absolutely the correct place in the world at the correct time.

This is a weird lesson to attempt to learn. It’s cropped up a few times since as well. Hope it strikes a chord with someone reading to give it a try.
“Do not reflect upon the possibility of defeat; you become too anxious and lose your freedom of style.” — Harry Vardon


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Post by Luke »

I remember Kevin Ogar's accident happening at the time but didn't know the circumstances:

As he lifted the bar overhead and began to stand, he lost his footing due to a slightly slanted platform and began to fall backward.

At that moment he decided to bail out of the weight so he wouldn’t injure his shoulder. When he dropped the weight behind him, the bar hit a stack of 45-pound plates causing it to bounce up and hit him in the back. It was at that moment he knew that he was paralyzed.

The bar severed his thoracic spine leaving him without the use of anything below his belly button.

***

Reflecting on the event almost five years later, Ogar said he felt the hand of God as soon as the accident happened.

“If you look at my story you can see the coincidences that kept me alive. One of my friends there was an EMT. She kept me from thrashing which usually kills people with my injury. The spinal surgeon (at the hospital) wasn’t supposed to be there. He came in to check on something else and took my case when he wasn’t supposed to. He happened to be the second best spinal surgeon in the country. Anyone else does my surgery, between him and another guy, and I would have been dead. A fourth of an inch in any direction and I would have been either dead on contact or just fine. Having been blessed with a higher red blood cell count than most people and the way I trained also saved my life during the first surgery a million times over. I don’t believe in coincidences” he added.

Soon after the accident, Ogar was given a piece of advice from a doctor who he only refers to as “He-Man” because of his huge muscles. He-man told him to stop thinking of his life as linear but rather as a bouncing ball.

“Its ok for the ball to hit the ground. You don’t have to worry about those days, as long as the ball bounces back up to the same level or higher. It’s when the ball doesn’t bounce back to the same height or stops bouncing at all. That’s when you need to reach out for help.”

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