A Troubling Trend....

[Bram]

People being extremely inconsiderate of other's time...often making up obvious lies as an excuse.

I thought this was just a dating thing, but it’s seeped into other interactions.

A neighbor invited me for dinner in an attempt to sell her friend’s food-delivery services. I showed up, no one was there. Over two hours later I got a text: “Sorry she cancelled and I got a flat tire.” I checked her tires and they all looked the same.

This is a 31-year old woman.

A client's next-door neighbor is doing construction. The construction site has been raining debris on his property and caused multiple flat tires for his guests. He contacted the woman in charge and she assured him she would call him at 730am the next day. Three days later she texted, "Sorry I was sick." They rescheduled and she again failed to show up. "Sorry I was at the hospital." After that, he threatened to involve the city and she finally handled the clean-up.

This is a woman in her 40's.

This same client said he experiences this regularly with new male hires. They'll have a meeting scheduled, he asks them to cancel by text if they can't make it, then they don't text or show up.

It's not just a female thing, though it does seem generational.

Thoughts?

[Bram]

Brought this up to a number of people before getting a response that seemed helpful:

People don’t want to do something, because either they’re anxious about it or they don’t want to do it—and that is probably because they’re anxious about it—so they say, “What can I make up to get out of this?”

Is there a way to create an anxiety-free environment for this person to communicate?

[lenny]

Bram
There are ways but it requires the listener to put his/her ego aside and just be there and listen and give certain kinds of feedback so the being of the speaker is not criticized but the behavior is. The books I have used in the past to learn about this are

https://www.gordontraining.com/school-p ... ing-t-e-t/

and People Skills


To be honest I had a course in how to communicate and resolve conflicts in grad school. Our teacher said we should have learned this in elementary school.

I don't have time to go online and see what else is out there that would allow you to start right away. It's a skill one has to practice. You may discover as I have there are people who are so sadistic or egotistical that they will twist your best attempts to be a good listener and remove your ego and personal desires to achieve anything for yourself that you will be enraged and want to cut them out of your life. I have been using this recently to resolve conflicts. Does it always work? Nothing always works.

I don't know what else to say right now. Check it out.

[Bram]

Thank you!

I have a good way to deal with it in-person, but not yet over text. Your Amazon link didn't work, could you post the title and author?

[lenny]

People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts by Robert Bolton
Here is someone reading part of this book
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUlmB6oKyV4&t=2s

There are more and more people in this field of communication but I'm not familiar with them.

here are two short videos from teacher effectiveness training that gives you some idea of what it's about
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GECPEDulh_E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGlc2bsv3a8

hiioe this helps

[Bram]

People Skills and Parent Effectiveness Training are both available at my local library. Ordered both!

I know P.E.T. isn't the same as T.E.T., but it is free. I'll investigate T.E.T. if I dig the material.

Thank you!