I am going to lie to my wife and tell her I heard it was great. I'll tell her the truth once it starts. I need to sit in a theatre with low expectations and a bucket of popcorn, and this movie will deliver.
Why are you not watching ‘Jupiter Ascending’ right now?
...My point is: This is in theaters, right now. This is not something I am making up. This is not some sort of fever dream that struck me and I have just now set down to paper. I did not eat bad anchovies and fall asleep on a law textbook and type out willy-nilly all the bad ideas that came to me. This is an actual multimillion-dollar blockbuster. It is exactly the level of bonkers that is so rare nowadays. It dares greatly. It fails greatly.
Good? No. Heck no. But great.
This is a space movie about tax code. This is a space movie with an enormous sequence at the DMV. It is no surprise that this came out in February, not summer, but the real question is: How did it manage to get here at all?
Mission half accomplished. Made date with wife, she asked some questions along the line of what's it about and who's in it. I answered the second question truthfully and lied a little on the first. She still remembers me taking her to Cloud Atlas and is wary. And yet still a sucker.
nafod wrote:I am going to lie to my wife and tell her I heard it was great. I'll tell her the truth once it starts. I need to sit in a theatre with low expectations and a bucket of popcorn, and this movie will deliver.
you are my hero
Blaidd Drwg wrote:90% of the people lifting in gyms are doing it on "feel" and what they really "feel" like is being a lazy fuck.
"A good man always knows his limitations..." -- "Dirty" Harry Callahan
It was magnificently sucktacular. At no time during the movie did I actually understand the plot. It involved paperwork, though. The directors told Channing Tatum to study the works of Keanu Reeves and then do less. His emoting made the Indian from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest look like Jim Carrey from The Mask. The guy who won the Oscar for best actor was in it, and he was better in this. Mila Kunis was hot, but could have been played by a blowup doll. Her character just got dragged from place to place. In an earlier scene, Sean Bean's daughter has a cough. I mean, she coughs once. Later, Bean sells out Tatum, something to do with her health. My wife and I were crying, like "can somebody make this bitch stop coughing already? I'll do anything. Even sell out my best friend."
After the first 2 minutes, my wife asked me, what kind of reviews did this get?
Grandpa's Spells wrote:The actual reviews of this movie are amazing. "This movie is terrible and I loved very minute. You have to see it."
You'll especially love it. There is a completely unnecessary and unmemorable yet never-ending fight scene between Channing Tatum with his antigravity roller blades and a bunch of space aliens, but it takes place in the early dawn twilight of the Chicago skyline. Beautiful shots.
The scene of Sean Bean holding on to some sort of weird floating controls in his space fighter and yelling "We're going in!" for about the 50th time was worth the price of admission.
The Wachowski siblings peaked with the first installment of The Matrix (which was brilliant), but it's just been pretentious horseshit ever since. I give them credit for attempting to elevate onscreen sci-fi beyond laser pistols, mech suits, and warp engines, but holy shit they just fail HARD.
Kazuya Mishima wrote:The Wachowski siblings peaked with the first installment of The Matrix (which was brilliant), but it's just been pretentious horseshit ever since. I give them credit for attempting to elevate onscreen sci-fi beyond laser pistols, mech suits, and warp engines, but holy shit they just fail HARD.
It's weird. The first and second were both super innovative in different ways. The third sucked, but the third of everything always sucks.
Kazuya Mishima wrote:The Wachowski siblings peaked with the first installment of The Matrix (which was brilliant), but it's just been pretentious horseshit ever since. I give them credit for attempting to elevate onscreen sci-fi beyond laser pistols, mech suits, and warp engines, but holy shit they just fail HARD.
1996 Bound
1999 The Matrix
2003 The Matrix Reloaded
2003 Enter the Matrix
2003 The Matrix Revolutions
2005 The Matrix Online (Video Game)
2005 The Matrix: Path of Neo (Video Game)
2008 Speed Racer
2012 Cloud Atlas
2015 Sense8 (TV Series) (2 episodes)
2015 Jupiter Ascending
I don't think that is so much a peak as an inexplicable early success, perhaps even veering into one-hit wonder category.
