The couch thread

[T200]

They should make a couch doll with one of those pull cords. You can apply his bullshit to anything.

That would actually be phenomenal. I would buy a couple.

[WildGorillaMan]

They should make a couch doll with one of those pull cords. You can apply his bullshit to anything.

That would actually be phenomenal. I would buy a couple.

We already have the script for the recording in this thread

However, he does provide Couch quotes we can mock. I find the ones that aren't just wrong to be outright hilarious, and illustrative of his disregard for damn near anyone. I'll bold a few that made me laugh out loud.

"Calm those worthless tremors."
"We exist on the margins of decrepitude."
"We fail at the margins of our experience."
"Be stupid for me."
"Alter your hormonal milieu."
"No, it doesn't ever get any easier. You wouldn't want it to either."
"Why don't you try some Judaism tonight?"
"Burn on the pyre of ego."

Some Couch-isms don't sound so much like training methodologies as they sound like lyrics that Jim Morrison scribled into his notebook who out of his mind on mescaline and Jack Daniels, and later discarded because he couldn't come up with a decent rhyme for them.

Is @fit the axis that intersects the planes between chemically-fuelled delusions of grandeur and dingbat stream of consciousness ravings?

And many more!

[WildGorillaMan]

Hey, going back in time to page 294 just reminded me: what's going on with the RRG?

[T200]

Couch is clearly openly mocking the faggots on the homepage now. @Fit has posted this:

"He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money."
- Benjamin Franklin

There's your RRG.

[WildGorillaMan]

Couch is clearly openly mocking the faggots on the homepage now. @Fit has posted this:

"He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money."
- Benjamin Franklin

There's your RRG.

No, it's here:

[T200]

Same difference. $$$ = gin up in Prescott.

[theoverman]

Being a tough guy with that 185 weight selection will get you every fucking time.

My 130lb girlfriend who is a hyooge sissy deadlifted 135 for 3 this morning, double overhand. Her grip was wide too, could have done more, but we improve one thing at a time.

I'm not believing this guy.

[justpassingthrough]

http://board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?p=746502

I think it's just plain rude to go into someone else's "house" and challenge their community in a negative way. You know why HQ doesn't have to respond to the typical BS posted here with regard to just about any and all negative posts? Because when you're the #1 program out there and you know it, you don't have to respond. Besides, we're (the CrossFit community) is often too busy leading the pack to respond to those chasing and denegrading us. I usually don't respond either but I had some time to kill this weekend and got sucked in.

Big LOL at this shit.
#1 in terms of what?

[TerryB]

I hate when I get denigraded.

[T200]

#1 in terms of what?

Attracting and retaining faggots, pussies and the chicks who love to be superior to faggots and pussies.

[friedquads]

http://board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?p=746502

I think it's just plain rude to go into someone else's "house" and challenge their community in a negative way. You know why HQ doesn't have to respond to the typical BS posted here with regard to just about any and all negative posts? Because when you're the #1 program out there and you know it, you don't have to respond. Besides, we're (the CrossFit community) is often too busy leading the pack to respond to those chasing and denegrading us. I usually don't respond either but I had some time to kill this weekend and got sucked in.

Big LOL at this shit.
#1 in terms of what?

Steve Rakow is one serious Kool-Aid drinker. His cred as a trainer also deserves mocking since all he has are @Fit certs. He pads his resume with his military history and his law degree to make himself more impressive. A poorer clone of Dale Saren, which makes Steve Rakow a sub-level piece of shit.

[TerryB]

Rakow's little rant would be less amusing if it weren't such a direct indictment of Couch.

it's just plain rude to go into someone else's "house" and challenge their community in a negative way

You mean the way Couch launched his fitne$$ empire by immediately trashing EVERYONE in a very negative way?

we're (the CrossFit community) is often too busy leading the pack to respond to those chasing and denegrading us

When has Couch ever been too busy to "denegrade" folks w/ whom he disagrees?

[Yes I Have Balls]

It burnses my eyeses

[A1A BA]

It burnses my eyeses

Damn it man put a fuckin' warning up before posting that shit. I almost lost my lunch. NFF or something.

[friedquads]

She's doing it wrong.



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shocker_(hand_gesture)

[CultBuster]

Steve Rakow wrote:
I think it's just plain rude to go into someone else's "house" and challenge their community in a negative way. You know why HQ doesn't have to respond to the typical BS posted here with regard to just about any and all negative posts? Because when you're the #1 program out there and you know it, you don't have to respond. Besides, we're (the CrossFit community) is often too busy leading the pack to respond to those chasing and denegrading us. I usually don't respond either but I had some time to kill this weekend and got sucked in.

Obviously this douche is not the #1 program because he racked up 7 posts on that thread and each one was more and more shrill. His shit is a treasure trove of Couch bootlicking and kool aide OD.

Sarah, you'll find more detractors and naysayers out there than those who support CrossFit. Rarely do people get hurt and usually it's because they didn't get proper coaching to begin with. Other reasons include going too hard before they were ready or just pushing beyond their limits with crappy form (again, improper coaching)

http://www.board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?t=44637

shocker_tshirt.jpg (74.59 KiB) Viewed 5473 times

[lasalle]

Pretty surprising that thread hasn't been shut down. Any time a sheep starts to stray from the flock the thread usually gets closed stat.

[Yes I Have Balls]

Pretty surprising that thread hasn't been shut down. Any time a sheep starts to stray from the flock the thread usually gets closed stat.

Oh, it's closed down. Not enough "Mathematical impossibility" perhaps?

[Mountebank]

Regurgitated from earlier in this infamous thread:

H2O Goalie is none other than Matt Gagliardi, famous @fit apologist.

Carry on.

FACT. What he neglected to mention in his comment was that he wrote that response while doing Cindy, with a 50 pound weight vest on, a troop of cub scouts in his rectum, and a full grown bull across his shoulders for resistance and still managed to beat anyone's best time by ten minutes. In fact he completed it in negative minutes, and was so fast he actually went back in time and finished it before he started.

I miss reading Matt G comments on the WOD.

So I was reading over the comments on the wAd today (only 75 total muscle-ups, really!), and who do I see but Matt G. This dude is SO elite that he's not even competing at the Gaymes, nor should he have to...he's on a totally different level of baldfaced lying. No wonder couch loves him.

So, he does today's wAd (another masterpiece of garbage disposal programming):

Three rounds for time of:
25 Muscle-ups
100 Squats
35 GHD situps

As designated...25:00.59

Tacked WOD onto back end of another workout. Shouldn't have done all of those pullups beforehand.
Comment #65 - Posted by: Matt G. at March 1, 2010 4:45 AM

This is a full 3 minutes faster than the next fastest person's time. After already doing a previous workout with pull-ups.

An old gem from Matt G....after some Google-Fu (once I remembered his name from earlier in the couch thread):
The workout:

5 rounds for time of:
Run 400 meters
50 Squats

As designated...9:54.02

WOD was #3. I ran a 10K this morning for #1. Felt super-strong through the 4th repeat, the 5th was hurtin' though. Did this at the track, zero transition between run and squat.
Comment #24 - Posted by: Matt G. at May 8, 2005 12:22 PM

And the apologism to head off the cries of BULLSHIT!!!

Yes, I'm quite sure. Let me break this down a bit and try to head off the accusations this time.

1. I am a strong runner and always have been.
2. World record times for the 400 are in the 44 second range...I'm splitting at ~1:06. So, hardly record pace.
3. The 50 air squats are taking me less than 50 seconds per round (~47 seconds), and for whatever reason I feel practically refreshed after them.
4. I have zero transition time on the track...run the 400, immediately start the squats; finish the squats immediately start the 400.
5. Going in my goal was to break 10:00...I was monitoring the time on my watch the entire way. I set the timer for 2:00 repeats and just had to beat it each time...not a big deal.

Those of you who've decided that 400s in the range of 1:00 are "impossible to believe" need to get a grip and educate yourselves. Top boys HS runners do 400s sub-50 (~47) and top girl runners do them sub-60. Just because you as an individual can't come close to it doesn't mean it can't be done.

If anyone has a problem believing my post, you are 100% welcome to email me and arrange a day to come to Memphis, I'll be happy to do this WOD again just to satisfy your curiosity.
Comment #30 - Posted by: Matt G. at May 8, 2005 1:05 PM

This time after *2* previous workouts that day!!! Accompanied by a very couch-esque challenge to repeat said performance, yet no videos of him are on the mainpage, and only one exists on YouTube of him doing a single bar muscle-up.

This guy has no history of being in the Gaymes nor does it look like he plans on entering anything this year...despite the $25k prize purse and obviously being, like, the totally bestest @Fer EVAR...'cuz no @Fer would ever lie nor use PEDs.

[T-L]

It burnses my eyeses

God spared her absolutely nothing when beating her with the ugly stick. Ucking Fugly

[Tim]

As designated...25:00.59
As designated...9:54.02

I don't know how it coud be doubted. Clearly he's still using electronic timing out to the hundredths of seconds.

[Crust Bucket]

God spared her absolutely nothing when beating her with the ugly stick. Ucking Fugly

God's a cruel and mean fellow :-"

[T-L]

Oh the lulz...

[Crust Bucket]

lulzzzz....She looks like she's losing that battle.

[T-L]

I like her better here....