The couch thread

[Shafpocalypse Now]

I like reading Starrett's stuff, although he does take some standard PT stances with regards to certain topics that I find curiously dated. Coaching a rower or kayaker (I forget what it was) has very little relevance to football training, as the sports have completely different requirements. I don't think you need "GPP" for football, it's not like soccer or rugby. What you need is the special ability to recover from short, fast, and very hard impact intervals for 2-3 hours.

Football players are trained by football S&C guys, not themselves. At the professional level, it's more of a philosophy of "to do no harm" to the athlete. For example, Dan Riley down in Houston uses machines and actually has a 'hands free' routine because so many of the guys have smashed hands all season long...very HIT based. On the other hand, you have coaches who utilize programs that Louie Simmons has helped them set up. At the NFL level, it's almost like the damage has been done and now it needs to be managed.

We can get into the extensive restoration means NFL players utilize, including daily massages, saunas, whirlpools, ice baths, and pain masking injections, not to mention the big wink and nod to performance enhancing drugs ('sup Welborn!). I think any alt. therapy you might have seen has probably been used or is being used right now by some NFL trainer.

Shall we talk about taping, bracing? Painkillers? Nubain? etc.

I think it's interesting they have a "Strength WOD" and a "Metcon WOD", which isn't a bad idea, in my opinion. Just looking at what they've got, Everett's OL WODs are better designed and more on point that the football WODs are (or the main page WODs are for that matter)

Joe Defranco for the win. They don't call him the 'promaker' for nothing.

[Mountebank]

Ouch...straight from Rip's mouth...http://www.elitefts.com/documents/texas_bbq.htm

What you’ll find is that CrossFit is very good for many people, but it’s not good for competitive lifters because you need to get specialized. The more specialized the metabolic requirements of your sport become the less applicable CrossFit becomes because it is a very general approach. However, this leaves a whole bunch of people in a position to benefit from CrossFit. Looking at the metabolic demands of soccer, CrossFit might be great for soccer. For other types of sports like football, it wouldn’t be so great.

[Shafpocalypse Now]

Some steroid LOLS: This one stood out because it's so fucking stupid.

And my $.02 about steroids in football.

There are only a handful of guys, and I literally mean two hands, 10, less than 1% of NFL players are on steroids. First off, @ least 10% of the players on each team get tested every week.

And its random. There would be months go by that I wouldn't get tested, and then I'd get tested two weeks in a row. It would have been hard to plan my cycle, needless to say.

Two more things. One, the risk reward is not great. Test positive once? Lose 25% of your salary and suspended 4 games. Twice, lose 100% and suspended for a year. Three times, you can never play football again. Lifetime ban. The other thing is that colleges (NCAA) test on a random basis. So these NFLers, who were once governed by the NCAA, were clean in college and were good/great without steroids.

And just because someone tests positive doesn't mean they actually used a syringe. GNC sells multiple things from their shelves that will show up positive because of trace elements of a banned substance. It is the player's fault because we do have a 1-800 number to call if/when we start taking a new supplement, but its easier to test positive than you might think. But I passionately belive less than 1% of current NFL players use steroids.

[Shafpocalypse Now]

By the way, here's the procedure for testing.

Trainer:

Which of you dudes can be tested for 'roids this week

Trainer:

Uh....nobody. OK, Me and Jim will piss for you.

Trainer:

OK, who hasn't smoked marijuana lately...oh, thanks Mike! I had a big fat J yesterday, so I won't be able to piss for you guys for a while.

Trainer:

Who needs more gatorade?

[TerryB]

THIS is the plan to forge elite footballers??

7 Rounds for time of:
3 Push Jerks - 155 lbs
6 Pull Ups
9 Box Jumps 20” Box

[wtf]

Shit, don't judge yet. It's going to be Black Boxed. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. But don't go against the mystical Black Box.

THIS is the plan to forge elite footballers??

7 Rounds for time of:
3 Push Jerks - 155 lbs
6 Pull Ups
9 Box Jumps 20” Box

[Kazuya Mishima]

THIS is the plan to forge elite footballers??

7 Rounds for time of:
3 Push Jerks - 155 lbs
6 Pull Ups
9 Box Jumps 20” Box

Goddamn right it is.

That one's called "Placekicker".

[Gin Master]

That would be a good follow-up to the original picture on the HCwDB blog.

lol found it:

http://www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com/ ... olics.html

Email sent.

[powerlifter54]

BTW...John Welbourn, a pretty good player in his day, and a Cultfit Icon, got suspended once in the NFL for the sauce. Before and after pictures are telling.

Not bad way to go from 320 to 260, as long as you skip the pukie rhabdo nonsense.

[powerlifter54]

BTW...John Welbourn, a pretty good player in his day, and a Cultfit Icon, got suspended once in the NFL for the sauce. Before and after pictures are telling.

Not bad way to go from 320 to 260, as long as you skip the pukie rhabdo nonsense.

[Holy Cow]

I was inspired. By weedz.

The CrossFit methodology, which is...

CrossFit in 100 Words: "Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports."

...is similar to a personal profile that reads like this one:

(Summary 1 of this profile: It's peripatetic, random, and not fucking focused. A person doesn't "have" this many interests, a person has "heard" of this many interests. Similarly, CrossFit doesn't help you "generalize" so much as it helps you "do shit in a general, sloppy fashion, and progress moderately")

Facebook
Personal Information


Activities:
I pretty much live in the moment, so this changes often.
Interests:
Unique tattoos. Raspberry Mochas. Sewing. Sushi and Sake. Watching Movies. Sleeping in. My AMAZING dachshunds, Oscar and Charlie. Postmodern art and literature. A good sense of humor. Music...I eat, breathe and sleep it. Cooking. Traveling. Asian language and culture. Jazz. Red wine. British comedy. Freelance writing. Video games. Earl Grey. Laughing. Animal rights. Making jewelry. Inside jokes. Hoarding multiple flavors of international coffee creamer for my enjoyment. Escher. F. Scott Fitzgerald. Beat poets. Yoga and pilates.
Favorite Music:
Sunny Day Real Estate, Nine Inch Nails, Muse, Jeremy Enigk, Tori Amos, Tool, Angie Aparo, The Killers, 80's music of almost any kind, Depeche Mode, The Cure, Swerverdriver, Aphex Twin, Squarepusher, Miles Davis, Fugazi, Radiohead, The Smiths, Dave Gahan...my tastes are a wierd mix of 80's, indie, and metal.
Favorite TV Shows:
Charm City Cakes, Taboo, The First 48, Top Chef, To Catch a Predator, Lockup Extended Stay, Mystery Diagnosis, Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, I love the 80's, The Office, Snapped - basically cooking and homicide shows. Kinda sad :)
Favorite Movies:
Clockwork Orange and basically anything else Kubrick, the Painted Veil, The Notebook, The Great Gatsby, Lars and the Real Girl, Anything David Lynch, Match Point, Great Expectations, The Last Tycoon, Almost anything Tarantino, Dan in Real Life, The Dark Knight,
Favorite Books:
Memoirs of a Geisha, Catcher in the Rye, The Most Beautiful Woman in Town, The Great Gatsby, Desolation Angels, The Last Tycoon, Stardust, American Gods, Naked Lunch, Closer, The Stand, The French Lieutenant's Woman, The White Hotel, Me Talk Pretty One Day, Beautiful and the Damned
Favorite Quotations:
"The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: a human creature born abnormally, inhumanly sensitive. To him, a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Add to this cruelly delicate organism the overpowering necessity to create, create, create - so that without the creating of music or poetry or books or buildings or something of meaning, his very breath is cut off from him. He must create, must pour out creation. By some strange, unknown, inward urgency he is not really alive unless he is creating" - Pearl Buck
About Me:
I graduated in Dec 07' after working full time in retail management for about 6 years. I just started a career as a technical writer and I continue to freelance write on the side, as well as work on my own projects.

I'm a hard worker, a coffee addict, and I love a good sense of humor - the more outlandish, the better. I love to see my friends and loved ones happy - to have the same in return is the best gift you can give me. I come up with ideas for stories/writing at the worst times, like standing in line at the grocery store or when I'm driving home from work - generally anywhere I can't write them down. I like to be the alpha but I'm also sensitive, which probably explains why I get along better with men. Don't tell me what I want to hear, tell me what I don't know. Tell me something new and exciting.

Summary 2: CrossFit is like a vapid 30 year old waitress' Facebook Profile.

[Gin Master]

Jake, let the game come to you.

And with CF, it will come to you...

http://www.crossfitrrg.com/

The capital needed to start the CF-RRG must come from the owners of the company — affiliates and trainers.

Initial funding of $500,000 is required to legally establish the RRG. That means that we need $1000 from participating affiliates, and $200 from individual trainers. At the moment, the RRG is for US affiliates only; more to follow for our non-US team, but please don't sign up if you're not in the US.

This initial buy-in, or capitalization, is separate from premiums. The capital is an investment and will be ownership in the form of shares of stock in the CF-RRG. Over time, if we have low claims, the capital investment may be returned in the form of dividends or lower premiums. Premiums will be payable separately and will be established for both affiliates and trainers, appropriate to the size and scope of an affiliate or individual trainer’s business.

So, to affiliate:
$1000 for L1 cert (includes chance to motorboat latest Celeb Tranny)
$2000 for affiliation
$2000 for insurance
$200 for individual trainer
--------
$5200 before tribal tats and penicillin.

[POD]

George Mounce tells me that he got an email from CF offering him a chance to buy their "insurance."
About a week ago, I got a Facebook invite from John Burch inviting me to go to the CFLA "Business Seminar."

What the fuck is wrong with these people?



I'm surprised that CFFB isn't claiming to be the "sole training program of hundreds of Super Bowl winning teams across the world in the past few decades."

[***]

I'm surprised that CFFB isn't claiming to be the "sole training program of hundreds of Super Bowl winning teams across the world in the past few decades."

It has been. They just didn't know it. It's all @fit.

[Gin Master]

I can't look at Couch's avatar without cracking up. It looks like someone bukakked a dead squirrel and stapled it to his head while he was passed out on a park bench with fingerless gloves and Night Train. Things really went down hill after that horrific ring injury.

[Mountebank]

That means that we need $1000 from participating affiliates, and $200 from individual trainers.

WTF on the math? At 1000+ affiliates at $1000/pop, that's a cool million dollars! That's not even counting the individual trainers. NSCA membership plus insurance is what, $350/year?

Over time, if we have low claims, the capital investment may be returned in the form of dividends or lower premiums.

And if you believe that crock...Couch was once quoted as saying that the affiliate fee would NEVER rise above $500/year, because this wasn't all about making $$...

[Shafpocalypse Now]

Once again...the good affiliates will be paying for the fucking retards who run a fat woman through a 'scaled' workout that leaves her puking and shitting herself.

[POD]

Once again...the good affiliates will be paying for the fucking retards who run a fat woman through a 'scaled' workout that leaves her puking and shitting herself.

Meanwhile the smart affiliates won't be renewing their affiliation fee next year.

They have their clients and their training program. The CrossFit name is just a method of advertisement - no longer necessary once your business gets rolling.

[TerryB]

Things really went down hill after that horrific ring injury.

DON'T MAKE FUN OF THE DISABLED!!!

[T200]

Joel Jamieson (MMA guy):

Mistake #5: The General Approach
"Perhaps the best way to sum up what CrossFit is all about is to look at their own description of their core training philosophy taken from the CrossFit website, “We’ve used our same routines for elderly individuals with heart disease and cage fighters one month out from televised bouts. We scale load and intensity; we don’t change programs. The needs of Olympic athletes and our grandparents differ by degree not kind.” This simple statement cuts to the core of the entire CrossFit “general rather than specific” philosophy and provides the context to their training methodology.

The notion that everyone needs the same type of fitness and that general training is superior to specific training because it develops a more “broad” fitness is not only incorrect, it’s downright naïve and ignorant. It should seem obvious that if you’re training to be a mixed martial artist and punch people in the face as hard as you can then you probably shouldn’t be on the same program on as an “elderly individual with heart disease” but somehow many CrossFit devotees and people who only talk about “general fitness” seem to have lost sight of common sense.

[LiftHeavyShit]

BTW...John Welbourn, a pretty good player in his day, and a Cultfit Icon, got suspended once in the NFL for the sauce. Before and after pictures are telling.

Not bad way to go from 320 to 260, as long as you skip the pukie rhabdo nonsense.

He was busted a second time. He was looking at his second suspension in less than 2 years when he suddenly retired instead. He said it was over money, but that was a load of horseshit.

[LiftHeavyShit]

I don't think you need "GPP" for football, it's not like soccer or rugby. What you need is the special ability to recover from short, fast, and very hard impact intervals for 2-3 hours.

Fuck yeah.

CrossFuck is a joke. This football bullshit is fucking hilarious. Real players have coaches and real practices. The CF football site is for the tatted up, Tapout shirt wearing weekend warriors who play tag football at the park. I can't wait to hear these bitches crying about how running the 40 in less than 5 seconds isn't functional. The GPP warriors will be in shape to run water back and forth to the real players, but that's about it.

[T200]

I can't wait to hear these bitches crying about how running the 40 in less than 5 seconds isn't functional.

More likely we will now have to hear how they all run 4.2s. This is a sad fact of training adult guys who think they can play football which I encounter frequently. This is something which will certainly happen to @Fitters.

[TerryB]

The needs of Olympic athletes and our grandparents differ by degree not kind.

Exactly. The only difference between Olympic weighlifter Pyrros Dimas, Olympic Basketballer Michael Jordon, Olympic gymanst Shawn Johnson, and my grandmother, is how many rounds of wallball they need.

[Gin Master]

I can't wait to hear these bitches crying about how running the 40 in less than 5 seconds isn't functional.

More likely we will now have to hear how they all run 4.2s. This is a sad fact of training adult guys who think they can play football which I encounter frequently. This is something which will certainly happen to @Fitters.

Four second 40s are for suckers. Deion Sanders? Slooooow. You'll see plenty of 3.8s and 3.9s posted from this crew.

Honestly I like some of the stuff @F Football has posted. That's the kind of GPP I like to do (of course I'm not playing football right now, either).