Most Entertaining Candidate of the Year Nominees

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Turdacious
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Most Entertaining Candidate of the Year Nominees

Post by Turdacious »

Republican N.C. Senate hopeful Molotov Mitchell’s campaign has been turning heads in the predominantly Democratic Raleigh-Cary district where incumbent Sen. Josh Stein is seeking a fourth term.

Mitchell (birth name: Jason Alexander Mitchell) has offered his donors T-shirts that say “My candidate can beat up your candidate.” He’s held a Bullets and Bourbon fundraiser with a chance to shoot AK-47 assault rifles. And he’s challenged his opponents to do pushups.

Mitchell – a conservative filmmaker and Krav Maga defense instructor – is making his first attempt at elected office. His campaign promises the “liberation of District 16.”

He’s been weighing in on national politics for years through his video commentaries and other films. In the videos, he’s argued that President Barack Obama wasn’t born in the United States, adding that “if I were a leader in the armed forces, I might be thinking coup d’etat right about now.” He’s called North Carolina’s Moral Monday protestors “ugly, mindless, littering, loitering hobos.” And his film “Gates of Hell” features a group of “black power assassins” who kill abortion doctors.
http://www.newsobserver.com/2014/10/22/ ... .html?rh=1
Shockingly, he appears to have lost.

EDIT-- title changed to reflect the fact that there may be more great candidates
Last edited by Turdacious on Wed Nov 05, 2014 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Liberalism is arbitrarily selective in its choice of whose dignity to champion." Adrian Vermeule

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Pinky
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Re: And the most entertaing candidate of the year award goes

Post by Pinky »

Turdacious wrote:Shockingly, he appears to have lost.
TEH POPE OR ULLUMINATI CONSPIRED AGAIHST HIM!
"The biggest problems that we’re facing right now have to do with George Bush trying to bring more and more power into the executive branch and not go through Congress at all."

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Re: And the most entertaing candidate of the year award goes

Post by Turdacious »

Pinky wrote:
Turdacious wrote:Shockingly, he appears to have lost.
TEH POPE OR ULLUMINATI CONSPIRED AGAIHST HIM!
SHADDUP YOU FACE YOU LITTERING LOITERING HOBOE!
"Liberalism is arbitrarily selective in its choice of whose dignity to champion." Adrian Vermeule

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Bud Charniga's grape ape
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Re: And the most entertaing candidate of the year award goes

Post by Bud Charniga's grape ape »

Not even. Right in my own backyard, Peter Yuan Liu:

Image

From the official "Oakland Mayor 2014" website --

Asked what he would do to bridge the digital divide:
Not sure if the “digital divide” is such a bad thing, I don’t think kids are suffering because of it, but I’ll bridge the gap in Oakland with condoms. You see, what it means is 95% of the kids up in the Oakland hills be clicking on porno sites at an earlier age versus 50% of flatland kids be hooking it up with the real thang so they need contraceptives. I live in the flat lands, when I was 13, we didn’t have fast ass internet such as Cumcast, yeah it’s Cumcastic. What we had was slow ass AOL 56K modem, but I was still clicking on the “I am over 18” tab like a lab monkey. We use to wait for a jpeg to load in a minute or two. I was a nerd, trading dozens of 3.5” floppy disks each filled with 1.2MB of salacious photos to other nerds in school. Now I reminisce, what fucking losers we were, other male classmates who did not have internet access at home be bangin hot chicks in school. While we wasted time looking at a god damn 14 inch CRT, those other dudes be focusing on their “Mac” skills with their inches. Know what I am sayin. (REMINDER: all this shit happened before I accepted Jesus okay)

The lesson here is this: when your son says “Mommy, Daddy, I need internet access for homework.” This really translates to: “I am gonna masturbate online while my parents at work yo.” If you have a daughter, fuck, I wouldn’t even think about letting them access the internet with all these kids “sexting” these days and even some horny teachers got involved in it too. Seriously, I lived in the wrong generation.
Asked what he would do to improve pedestrian and bicycle safety and infrastructure:
An alternative form of transportation I support is horses. I am an animal lover and those ponies are cute. With my trusty horse sidekick, HORSEY, I'll ride like a western cowboy slinging revolvers and my horse shit all over Oakland grass patches as natural fertilizer for the trees and flowers. I am an environmentalist too. Now you may think horses are kinda old fashion, not up in the Oakland hills, those people call themselves equestrians with stables the size of a three-car garage. We all need to learn to ride horses so we can stop paying outrageous gas prices. ...

Just imagine yourself riding a horse, running pass an obnoxious Segway scooter ride, you can literally trample on his ass and bounce at the same time. I like that feeling. We must get more horses. Vote Liu.
Asked what experience he has handling a large city's budget:
I can count from 1 to 10 with my fingers so a 10 digit number is no problem for me. I am the world's smartest leader, give me a trillion dollar budget and I'll do it like Picasso.

My household budget is in the millions. I have never handled a large organization budget, but with the way the City of Oakland is handling money, I am not surprised if they wipe their ass with new $100 bills. I am convinced some of these wicked motherfuckers took bribes from special interests to steal millions of taxpayers money, and I'll weed their ass out sooner or later, these bitches can't hide from me. I'll go after them like a pack of blood hound on a wound deer, the scene will be uglier than Urban Shields. "Git Yo ass dOWn on the Flo! Whose mOney you tOok, saY iT noW! U gOT 5 seconds. Five! Four! Three! Two!" .... "Congratulations, you're on candid Youtube!"

To answer these other lame questions: I have never filed bankruptcy and I have no outstanding federal nor state taxes.
To reiterate, these were his official campaign statements.

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Re: And the most entertaing candidate of the year award goes

Post by Turdacious »

Considering who he was running against, that doesn't really sound crazy.
Image

And yeah, he's awesome too. Moar quotes would be appreciated.
"Liberalism is arbitrarily selective in its choice of whose dignity to champion." Adrian Vermeule

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Shafpocalypse Now
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Re: And the most entertaing candidate of the year award goes

Post by Shafpocalypse Now »

Awesome.

I just had one repub white guy who assaulted women at an abortion clinic or a dem black incumbent who is going to trial for barratry, aka ambulance chasing. Incumbent won, which tells you a lot since every other winner was republican here

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Re: And the most entertaing candidate of the year award goes

Post by Bud Charniga's grape ape »

Turdacious wrote:Considering who he was running against, that doesn't really sound crazy.
Yeah, Quan was...not good. Mind, I don't think she was nearly as bad as some of her detractors made her out to be. I just think she was totally meh; a complete non-entity. The most notable things she did during her term were fucking up the Occupy Oakland protests (whatever one thinks about Occupy generally and Occupy Oakland specifically, and I have mixed feelings about both, her handling of the situation was cackhanded) and getting filmed on multiple occasions texting or talking on her cellphone while driving, including one time when she cruised through a red light and rear-ended someone.

Anyway, more Liu:
I am the World’s Smartest Leader. As we speak, CESP5, a game that enables ordinary people to be prosperous in the lands of capitalism, is spreading like wildfire across the world. Any community, business and political leader from any city in the world should have enough courage and thinking ability to adopt my Community Empowered Safety Plan because it will work if correctly implemented. Every step of this plan will greatly minimize crime risk and increase business activity in the city for a more prosperous future. This plan is not based on theory, but on real life experience. With CESP, world peace is achievable and I will prove it to the world in a timely fashion when leaders of all regions in the world make CESP the standard protocol. I bet my life on it so let it be in God’s hand.
Q: You said Obama is not a leader, a false hoper and a lying politician, how’d would you deal with the issue of Russia invading Ukraine if you’re the President of the United States?
A: Tell Russia that if it invades Ukraine, then the United States would take North Korea. Then follow it through with real action, what needs to be done, be done.
Speaking of education, it is not necessary to succeed in life. ... A college degree, whether it be a AA, BA, BS, MA, MS or PhD are nothing but a slave paper for asking for a master (employer).
A gun is as the best tool available to us for defense and soon in the near future would be overtaken by laser.
What’s your take on domestic violence?
Domestic violence, on a small scale, without intention to destroy, like slapping the face is tolerable only to a degree. Violence occurs when a person looses control of their emotion and it can be sudden. They may regret the action right afterwards. The offender can increase their emotion control by stress release by hitting hard objects like steel.
Q: Hillary Clinton, the presumptive Democrat nominee presidential candidate 2016 just said that people who are pro 2nd amendment gun rights are just a small minority and they are terrorizing the majority population. What do you have to say about that?
A: Hillary? The stupid bitch came to her husband's adultery defense "definition of is" for lying under oath at his impeachment. Bill is a hero to the stupid liberals, who goes around grabbing the crouches and boobs of plane stewardesses, secretaries, assistants and interns at the White House. Guess who chaired Hillary's campaign in 2008? Pretty boy Gavin Newsom, another liberal hero who bested Bill Clinton by fucking his campaign manager's wife while he was still married. If Hillary doesn't know where or who Bill is fucking at 3AM, then I don't trust the clueless bitch to take an emergency 3AM phone call at the White House. An ambassador and his security detail died on her watch and she doesn't give a damn by saying what difference does it make. A bunch of dumb ass liberals at dailykos.com is parading Hillary to be the next president. Her supporters' bravery are like those pussy Iraqi soldiers who fled their post at the first sight of insurgents. None of Hillary's supporters are brave enough to defend the U.S. Constitution and its people against foreign or domestic enemies. Even if every Hillary supporters have rifles, they'll surrender like the French without firing a bullet. If any Hillary supporters get offended by this, I welcomed you to come protest at my hood, just be sure you conceal carry because I am not responsible if you get mugged or beaten while exercising your free speech.
I AM THE MOST HONEST MAYORAL CANDIDATE AND I DON'T FUCK WITH POLITICAL CORRECTNESS BULLSH!T. I DON'T LIKE GAY PEOPLE. I DOWNLOADED A PORNO THINKING IT WAS ABOUT BABES WITH BIG TITS AND IT WASN'T, IT WAS MAN TO MAN ANAL. I DELETED IT IMMEDIATELY. THIS WAS BACK WHEN INTERNET CONNECTION TO AOL IS WITH A 56K MODEM, SO I WAS PISSED AFTER A 6 HOUR DOWNLOAD. THAT WAS MY FIRST EXPOSURE TO GAY CULTURE AND I'M LIKE "FUCK THEM." WE'RE ALL SINNERS.
...so basically he's Chinese DARTH

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Re: Most Entertaining Candidate of the Year Nominees

Post by Turdacious »

This wasn't supposed to be a contest, but you clearly won.
"Liberalism is arbitrarily selective in its choice of whose dignity to champion." Adrian Vermeule

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