Dealing with Energy Vampires

[Luke]

I don't have anything earth-shattering. It was just acknowledging times where I wanted distance from a person who might have been asking unreasonable things, and just stating what I felt comfortable doing, without going "above and beyond" for them. A therapist connected that while I people pleased, I'd want to try and isolate from those types of people as much as I could. I'd do what I'd need to and then just want to be away from them, they'd seek me out, repeat.

One of the things that drove it home was everyone around me was sticking to what they wanted to be doing (or lack thereof) and I wasn't. I was bending over backwards for assholes who would never reciprocate themselves.

[Bram]

You wonder if that's where "so and so is a pain in the neck" etc. comes from.

100%. Haha, hope I don't know anyone who's a literal "pain in the ass."

I don't have anything earth-shattering. It was just acknowledging times where I wanted distance from a person who might have been asking unreasonable things, and just stating what I felt comfortable doing, without going "above and beyond" for them. A therapist connected that while I people pleased, I'd want to try and isolate from those types of people as much as I could. I'd do what I'd need to and then just want to be away from them, they'd seek me out, repeat.

One of the things that drove it home was everyone around me was sticking to what they wanted to be doing (or lack thereof) and I wasn't. I was bending over backwards for assholes who would never reciprocate themselves.

You're clearly a giving person, and that's such a good trait!

I think Gene is on to something with giving people something useful, but not necessarily what they ask for. I knew a surfer who was super greedy, and he'd try for every wave that came through. It drove me crazy and I tried lots of stuff that didn't work: shouting at him, ignoring him, letting him take everything. It was only when I tried giving him genuine compliments and cheering for him, that he stopped.

There's also been a few extremely toxic people that I cut entirely out of my life, and I don't have any regrets.

Complex issue.

[Luke]

You wonder if that's where "so and so is a pain in the neck" etc. comes from.

100%. Haha, hope I don't know anyone who's a literal "pain in the ass."

I don't have anything earth-shattering. It was just acknowledging times where I wanted distance from a person who might have been asking unreasonable things, and just stating what I felt comfortable doing, without going "above and beyond" for them. A therapist connected that while I people pleased, I'd want to try and isolate from those types of people as much as I could. I'd do what I'd need to and then just want to be away from them, they'd seek me out, repeat.

One of the things that drove it home was everyone around me was sticking to what they wanted to be doing (or lack thereof) and I wasn't. I was bending over backwards for assholes who would never reciprocate themselves.

You're clearly a giving person, and that's such a good trait!

I think Gene is on to something with giving people something useful, but not necessarily what they ask for. I knew a surfer who was super greedy, and he'd try for every wave that came through. It drove me crazy and I tried lots of stuff that didn't work: shouting at him, ignoring him, letting him take everything. It was only when I tried giving him genuine compliments and cheering for him, that he stopped.

There's also been a few extremely toxic people that I cut entirely out of my life, and I don't have any regrets.

Complex issue.

Ha why do you think he stopped snaking the waves?

[Bram]

My guess is he didn't really want extra waves, he just wanted to be recognized as a good surfer.

He never got that feeling when I shouted at him, or ignored him, or let him have every wave.

But he did when I genuinely told him things like, "That was a killer turn!"