The couch thread

[vern]

fucking savages

[kitosho]

oh mah gah

[Shapecharge]

Patrick, I was looking at your blog and found this "draft copy" of your profile...looks like you deleted a bit of information.

I'm a homosexual physics/math major at the U. of MD, the president of the university's gay weightlifting club, a member of the drug/alcohol/testicle-free exhibitionist gymnastics club "Gymkana Gonadless," and the owner of my own personal training business, Steadfast Fitness, LLC. In my spare time, I like to pick up heavy stuff, carry it (sometimes), and put it down again. I also like to put odd objects inside my anus.

[Crust Bucket]

Patrick, I was looking at your blog and found this "draft copy" of your profile...looks like you deleted a bit of information.

I'm a homosexual physics/math major at the U. of MD, the president of the university's gay weightlifting club, a member of the drug/alcohol/testicle-free exhibitionist gymnastics club "Gymkana Gonadless," and the owner of my own personal training business, Steadfast Fitness, LLC. In my spare time, I like to pick up heavy stuff, carry it (sometimes), and put it down again. I also like to put odd objects inside my anus.

That's a clear message he wants to go camping with you. Why don't ye send each other some PM's and get this thing started already, it just smells of ball sweat and slapping ass cheeks.

Absolutely no goddamn photos please, some of us are civilized and would like to keep down our food.

[Shapecharge]

Crusty, I've done so much camping lately that my "equipment" is worn out. Gotta take a break. Stop trying to find a way to get me to leave my house.

[Crust Bucket]

Stop trying to find a way to get me to leave my house.

Whooops....Sorry

[POD]

Patrick, I was looking at your blog and found this "draft copy" of your profile...looks like you deleted a bit of information.

Come on. You could come up with better than that, couldn't you?

[nafod]

Finally finished this: http://patrickhdonnelly.blogspot.com/20 ... -wall.html

Sorry, but this is really stupid.

You would expect a second grader to see how quickly he can do some simple task, not a grown adult. Of the few physical tasks you may have to perform in your life, very few have some sort of time limit on them.

If you ever happen to get a job with the gubmint where you get paid to sit on your ass and watch the clock go around, or if you happen to get a job working as a tool booth attendant, this might be true. If you get a job as a firefighter, or a job where you get paid per thing accomplished and not hour wasted, it is not. Or if you need to change your tire in the pouring rain, etc.

In fact, I cannot recall a single instance offhand where I have ever needed my strength besides those instances directly related to my gaining the strength in the first place.

You obviously don't have a yard that needs yard work, or done your own landscaping. Or had to get the wood chopped in a single weekend. Etc.

[JamesonBushmill]

That's not her, Herv. Ms. Snowangel is clearly an albino.

Say what you want, but Albinos suck a mean cock. I think it is because they are witches.

[Thud]

I don't find snowangel all that hot, though that opinion might change upon sight of her bald labia.

[Blaidd Drwg]

Finally finished this: http://patrickhdonnelly.blogspot.com/20 ... -wall.html

Sorry, but this is really stupid.

You would expect a second grader to see how quickly he can do some simple task, not a grown adult. Of the few physical tasks you may have to perform in your life, very few have some sort of time limit on them.

If you ever happen to get a job with the gubmint where you get paid to sit on your ass and watch the clock go around, or if you happen to get a job working as a tool booth attendant, this might be true. If you get a job as a firefighter, or a job where you get paid per thing accomplished and not hour wasted, it is not. Or if you need to change your tire in the pouring rain, etc.

In fact, I cannot recall a single instance offhand where I have ever needed my strength besides those instances directly related to my gaining the strength in the first place.

You obviously don't have a yard that needs yard work, or done your own landscaping. Or had to get the wood chopped in a single weekend. Etc.

I hate to side with an admitted @fit apologist but holy fuck, Naf is calling you correct here P Diddly.

first, it's not surprising that you've never had to use your"strength" because, as a softcunt 165 pound gymnast you have none.

second of all, you're in college and have never "worked" a day in your life.

third, every BAMF who frames houses, pours concrete, loads trucks, or wrestles drunks has the job and keeps it in part because they are physically strong AND skilled. Further, if you are a cop or a firefighter who basically sits on your ass for 23.95 hours out of the day and then has to go balls out at a moments notice, you'd sure as fuck better have some reserves of strempf.

no-one here thinks @fit is stupid for seeing the importance of GPP for the working man, most of us disagree with the scattershot/retarded methods they use and ridiculous marketing claims. that is where a 12 year old acting major like yourself might get confused.

[Tuesday]

Perhaps it is time to call the FBI

Screw the FBI. It's the FTC they're worried about. Trying to avoid being labeled a franchise and having to pay all that money and comply with all those nasty rules. Nothing a nice, well-referenced letter to the FTC couldn't help.

The hell with the FBI and the FTC. Doing the end run around franchise laws also means tax evasion, doesn't it? And the IRS doesn't seem to need "well-referenced" info to start an audit. What Crotch said in the moderators' forum docs posted a couple dozen pages back attached to the IRS' snitch form would probably be more than enough to pique their interest.

Damn, I'd hate to drop a dime on someone to the feds, but this might be worth it just in sheer entertainment value.

[Thud]

Patrick, you fucked up big time. You should have never left the compound. You should have paid $1000 bucks for a cert to get your instant cred. You'd have sold a lot of weighted vests to the sheeple, and as a trainer you could have your trainees doing any damn crap till they puked and they'd revere you for it.

Now you stand cold and alone in the real work with nothing to show for yourself but a free membership at an exhibitionist gym. You stay up at nights writing novellas to explain why you went against the family, but you broke coach's heart and, like Fredo Corleone, not even blood bonds could protect you.

You might consider going back to couch on your knees. If you allow him to make an example of you, to publicly Josh Hillis you, he might be able to forgive - but even that is unlikely from a guy self-centered and sanctimonious enough to hold a grudge for years against Dan John for not being his point man on T-nation.

Perhaps if you swooped in to save Shari from unfulfilled lesbian loneliness Couch would would notice - but it's probably too subtle a thing to be noticed by guy who reads such blogs through the bottom of his gin glass.

No, Patrick, I'm afraid this is irreparable. You fucked up. Now not even a thousand dollars and a weekend can make you a guru and spare you from the hard road of learning from doing. Without a CF cert there can be no quick fix. You will have to study and train and actually learn something about fitness for yourself before your numerous and lengthy blog posts carry any credibility.

You can't go back. But take solace in the knowledge that you will serve as example to other wayward CultFuckers who might have otherwise thought they could go against Don Couchleone and still keep a piece of the market.

[POD]

Nafod, Charismatic Megafauna:

Well, I know I'm not going to win any arguments here with you guys, so I'm not going to try. It'd quickly dissolve into idiotic rambling on both sides. It's not even really worth it for me to post responses here anyway, when not everyone reading the article will be reading this thread. If you'd really need me to respond, go and post it to the comments on the article, then I'll do my best. Please know that the comments are moderated, but as long as you don't put up anything too vulgar, I'm not going to stop you from posting.

Thud:

I actually think it'd be kind of funny if I went to a cert now. No way I'd be willing to pay a dime for it though.

Do you think I care to go back to the CrossFit message boards? I had hardly even posted in the past three months. I started on my out of the compound long ago. They just now locked the gate behind me. Oh well? I really don't care.

Who was Josh Hillis and what happened to him? I think I saw his name referenced early in this thread, but like I said before, all the links are broken.

[Anon]

..and just what's wrong with idiotic rambling?

[Thud]

Who was Josh Hillis and what happened to him? I think I saw his name referenced early in this thread, but like I said before, all the links are broken.

Do your homework!

Bottom of the page.
http://www.crossfit.com/mt-archive2/001021.html

Hillis was a good kid, like yourself. He was dutiful; he drank the kool-aide with and without a straw. He even defended the cult on Dragon Door. But Couch sanctimoniously dismembered him for defending CultFuck in a humorous style that our insecure overlord did not appreciate.

Josh Hillis!

It's been called to my attention, sadly, that you:

a. Posted on Dragon Door that I say stupid things on the Internet all the time: here's your chance to give concrete examples or apologize for your trying to find friends and fit in at Dragon Door by saying stupid things on the Internet. In that I never post away from CF, it must be something I said here.

b. Found great humor in my limp: on this item I can only offer that had anyone but yours truly been the butt of that you would be banned from CrossFit for life and your certifications would be revoked. I don't find making fun of disability funny and those who do so repugnant. You are the first CF trainer to embarrass CrossFit.

For the record, your total inability to control even simple movements was of such concern at both CF seminars that my staff didn't want you cert'd. I intervened and asked Lani and others to give extra time to you before each day to work on the fundamentals so that you might find success rather than defeat with simple skills. How did you manage to leave that out when the subject of CrossFit and our relative emphasis on technique and form came up vis-a-vis the NYT slam?

Finally, it's been two weeks since the NYT piece and I'm no longer overweight (though I still limp), but I'm betting that Mark is still afraid to come around, Jack is still morbidly obese, Stephen still has a 30 minute Fran, you're still uncoordinated, and Pavel still losing his best (Jeff Martone just this weekend) talent to a program of higher standards, greater efficacy, and integrity.

Comment #120 - Posted by: Coach at January 5, 2006 3:18 AM

--------

Dear Coach Glassman,

I think we just had a big misunderstaning. First, to remove those sentences from the context that they were in changes the meaning completely. And of course over the internet, tone is never clear.

On the Dragon Door Forum, CrossFit was being slammed because you are known for attacking people personally when they disagree with you. I said “Greg says stupid shit all the time, and that doesn’t mean that CrossFit doesn’t work”, what I meant was that just because you attack people’s character, it bears no reflection on the CrossFit Program you have so brilliantly developed.

Then the other post was totally lighthearted, and if it offended you that was not my intention. If I made you feel bad about your injury, I totally apologize. It was not my intention at all to take a shot at your injury, and this truly is the problem of written word versus conversing in person. If you knew me, if we could talk, there would be no question that I’m not the kind of person who would ever do that. I didn’t think that saying you “had a gangsta limp” was at anyone’s expense. If I had a knee injury, I’d call it my gangsta limp. Nothing in that post was mean spirited or meant to hurt you. The whole post was a joke. No part of it was meant to have any mean spirit to it at all, and I'm guessing that the reason it occured as mean was because you still had a bad taste in their mouth from the NYT article or what all the other DDers were saying.

The Dragon Door crew was hammering that you weren’t a good Coach because you don’t work out. I lightheartedly said that “It’s not an injury, it’s a gangsta limp.” I never thought that you would take that badly at all. Truly, I thought if you read it you would have the opposite reaction. Like: "Hell with the NYT and the DD crew, it's gangsta limp." If I had thought for a second that you would take that in any way but fun, I would not have said it. I never thought it could be construed as mean spirited. And that it clearly landed poorly with you, I am truly, truly sorry. Really, it was totally my bad and I am sorry. I do not find great humor in your limp, and I never meant for it to appear that way, I am truly sorry.

I think this is totally a misunderstanding, and I totally get how you would be pissed off about it, and I take total responsibility for the fact that it didn't land right. I totally get where all of your points are coming from. I'm truly sorry that it made you feel that way. I just really want you to know that it was not my intention.

These were both in the midst of half a dozen posts I made defending CrossFit. Some of the posts I was totally serious. Other posts I was poking fun at how ridiculous the discussion had gotten. The whole time I was defending CrossFit. You mention that I might have been “trying desperately to make friends at Dragon Door”, trust me, there is nothing less popular a person could do than defend CrossFit at Dragon Door.

My apologies. I feel that the spirit of what I said came across way too harshly, and with your injury, completely the opposite of my intention. I never meant for this to occur as mean or spiteful, and I totally apologize.

Josh Hillis

Comment #130 - Posted by: Josh Hillis at January 8, 2006 1:45 AM

----------

Josh Hillis,

You are making everything worse. Much worse.

“CrossFit was being slammed because you are known for attacking people personally when they disagree with you”

This is pure bull-shit. I attack the character of people for being unethical shitbags. It’s now your turn. I attacked one of your KB friends/elites for his racist comments and abuse of a young Pararescue trainee all for being black and wearing a CrossFit T-shirt at Pararescue jump-school where he is the bus driver. I attacked another guy’s character for taking a thread on CrossFit private sending G-Mac an email claiming to have secret knowledge of a gaggle of CrossFit-injured NSW personnel. G-Mac and the Doc’s at NSW know it’s a lie. The guy didn’t know of our work or contacts at NSW. He was suggesting, hell stating, that the NSW personnel considering CrossFit ought to come train with him and stay away from dangerous CrossFit. If ANYONE knows of an entire group hurt CrossFitting and can only talk about it privately they are being unethical. We all have an obligation to share first with the purveyor and then with the public any injuries endemic to any regimen. I couldn’t share all the details because G-Mac asked me not to let the dude know that he’d sent me the email. Shortly thereafter G-Mac released me from my promise. I challenged the guy to publicly deny my accusations of his unethical behavior. He never did.

You can't come up with an example of me attacking someones character for disagreeing with me. I can’t even imagine doing that. Most people disagree with me on most things and I don’t spend very much time attacking anyone. You are an asshole for saying so. Let’s be perfectly clear – I AM ATTACKING YOUR CHARACTER.

“The Dragon Door crew was hammering that you weren’t a good Coach because you don’t work out.”

Where did my not working out come from? It came from the NYT. Cooperman asked if I did the WOD every day. I said, “no, I’m usually experimenting on myself and others with protocols that will quickly be abandoned and it would be unethical to spread them to the community at large adding that most of what we monkey with will never make it to wider audience.” I also let her know that locally we only rarely do the WOD because I have better options, trainers, and equipment than does the cyber community of CrossFit. I also told her I had a penchant for bicycles that kept me from being as fit as I might. I was the original CrossFitter and I can, at 49, still outperform more CrossFitters than not.

And now I’m attacking your character for repeating the absurd charge. Note: not for you disagreeing with me but for your total lack of character in repeating that baseless NYT nonsense at DD and here. That it is coming from such incredibly weak performers as Jack (super-obese), you (9:40 70 lb, Fran), Stephen (26 minute Fran), and the rest of the best of the DD crew who perform at less than half the output of CrossFit women while also claiming CrossFit to be of limited efficacy (Here you’re innocent) makes me nauseous. Nearly all of the DD elite have either come to CrossFit and folded (very publicly collapsed and given up, come in last of 60+, been crushed by our women, rhabdoed) or hide behind nonsenical theoretical objections (e.g., adaptations are cyclic, not linear, therefor CF sucks, I'd like to see these CFers in 50 years, etc) and I have protected the reputations of all those who folded by never mentioning their limited fitness.

Poke fun of my limp as a friend – we’re cool. I’ve thicker skin than you’ll ever be able to understand. But when it comes from someone who falsely accuses me of routine character assassinations and stupidity, and sees fit to repeat NYT charges as fact, it becomes making fun of disability.

We have a therapy for injuries here at CrossFit called STFU. It’s your turn to take some. One more peep from you, Josh, and I'm going to ask and then follow Lynne Pitts recommendation on dealing with you. I'd take the STFU.

Comment #131 - Posted by: Coach at January 8, 2006 6:24 AM

[Blaidd Drwg]

Nafod, Charismatic Megafauna:
If you'd really need me to respond, go and post it to the comments on the article, then I'll do my best.

what is really needed is for you to

a) go away.

b) if you intend to blather, make it original content born out of actual experience.....

because you are a soft cunt who has clearly done nothing and knows nothing..I recommend a.

and no..i didn't visit your little blog to consider the wee little screed. Like everyone else here, we were able to ascertain from the excerpts posted that it's another of your fart-in-the-wind caliber performances.

[Sofa King]

..and just what's wrong with idiotic rambling?

Speaking of which, this just in from the rest day comments:

Garrett #218,

Calling yourself a "doctor" is unethical - in fact it is a lie. You ought to be ashamed and I don't know why it's not reason for kicking you off of the board. We've certainly debated it in the past.

I spoke with Josh before during and after your involvement with him. I told him you were an idiot too. Josh was training too hard, too much, too often - doing more than he could recover from with no serious commitment to nutrition. The glandulars you sold him had nothing to do with his getting over being overtrained. Had he listened at a cert about overtraining or read getting started from these pages he'd have fixed his problem years ago.

Here's what you don't understand because of a very limited training experience and education: There's nothing inherent in the work-recovery cycle that leads to overtraining. Overtraining comes from working too hard during workouts - either by volume or intensity. This is true of working out every single day, 3 on 1 off, or 5 on 2 off, or working out once each year.

I say this at every cert - when you come back from your scheduled off day(s) and you don't feel energized physically and mentally then you went too hard on the last iteration. It's that simple, Garrett. There's no formulation or prescription that can replace that bit of common sense. That you've taken three or four people out of several hundred thousand doing this program and gotten them to avoid overtraining through your silly easy workouts demonstrates nothing.

CrossFit has been implemented in scores of municipal, state, Federal, and foreign military and police agencies. In every case CF was found to be safer, more effective, and more efficient than prior programs - regardless of origin. In each case the testing was done by skeptical observers often hoping that the experiment would support your false assumptions. That you find this Kool-Aide guzzling is just more evidence for 1. what a fraud you are 2. how little you know about the scientific method and experimentation, and 3. what a mousey little puke you really are.

Why don't you contact Ensign Andy Stumpf, [email protected], and tell him that his CrossFit experiment at BUD/S was wrongly called "emprical evidence"? Why don't you contact SSGT Matt Kostielney at the Marine Scout Sniper School and tell him that he too doesn't have evidence just Kool-Aide guzzling? How about John Barba at Colorado State Patrol? Or Capt JT Williams and Maj Wade Rutland from the Canadian Army that their implementation of CF doesn't meet your standards. You won't because evidence, measurement, physics, science, math, prediction, experiment, science, and scientific method are not what you as a "Naturopathic Physician" understand, utilize, or acknowledge. I'm willing to bet that we've seen more agency implementations than you have "patients".

Doctor my ass. Smart people will avoid you like the plague.

On a friendlier note I'd like to debate you on CrossFit radio. I think I could end your "medical practice".
Comment #247 - Posted by: Coach at March 21, 2009 2:20 PM

[Shafpocalypse Now]

Me rikey!

[Blaidd Drwg]

he got the full hillis....balls deep.

[Crust Bucket]

How the fuck can anyone in their right mind listen to this guy and believe in his bullshit?
The fucker drinks a gallon of gin a night, eats a dozen Hebrew Nationals for lunch and limps up to the bar for "Cocktails" in the evening. Fucking blimpy the couch can't even bend over to tie his goddamn shoes let alone pick up a boom stick or PVC pipe to C&J

Fucking COOCH!

[Herv100]

Patrick, You're too gay and naive for this place.

[___________]

If Couch wants to claim at 49 he's a fit & bad motherfucker, I'd be happy to kick his teeth out of his face, break his arm, ankle, other knee, put him out, & dangle my balls in his face.

That shit he pulled on Hillis was brutal.

[WildGorillaMan]

Mr. Donnely, this thread is not about you, no matter how much you try to make it so.

This is you:





This is IGx:

[Thud]

People just don't appreciate enough just what Cooch can do for them.

Anyone with $3,000 and a spare weekend can become certified and affiliated. Then , with little more than a stick of PVC and a barf bag they can set up shop in their parents basement and charge customers $150/month to flail around until they are delirious enough to believe they are "elite".

What a privileged Couch bestows upon them. It would be like Colonel Kurtz letting any old Army Private set up his own self-worship outpost in Cambodia.

To every aspiring trainer with change to spare comes a maniacal cult fiefdom of his own.

It's a steal of a deal!