IGX

Kraj wrote:You fools, don't you see what's going on here?!

CrossFit isn't where Cooch is getting his money from - the government is. The government has been funding his lavish lifestyle. Why? His seed.

The government is trying to create a race of super-soldiers - immune to pain, compassion, and large doses of alcohol. The kind of super-soldier that can take a spill from the gymnastic rings that would kill most men and still keep treading on. The kind of soldier that can operate at near full capacity even at an 0.95 blood alcohol level.

Why did they choose Cooch? Because he's the perfect candidate. His "gorilla with multiple sclerosis" physique ensures a compact yet rugged frame that can be loaded into various military transport vehicles with the utmost efficiency. His extensive gymnastics background ensures amazing flexibility and maneuverability, giving him the ability to literally swing into a war zone on rings of death. His liver of steel ensures that he'll keep his functioning senses even after weeks behind enemy lines when his rations are depleted and he's forced to eat old packets of fish-n-chip malt vinegar to survive, or during covert ops where drinking the enemy under the table is a requirement, a la James Bond. Why Cooch ::::? Because he's the perfect killing machine.

The government knows this, which is why they're funding CrossFit and Cooch's lifestyle of sin. Have any of you even read the RRG?! There's no way that thing even gets past the desk clerk at the recording office without the government's secret hand pushing it through to appease Cooch. I mean the damn thing breaks like 27 laws and even a couple of international fishing waters treaty provisions. It's the equivalent of trying to create a company that allows you to punch infants on their soft-spot and shit in blind people's cereal. Can you imagine trying to form a company like that? You'd be laughed out of the building and probably arrested. Not with the RRG though. Ask yourself why.

So it's clear that the government is using Cooch to create a race of super-soldiers from his seed. How are they doing it? How would any of us do it? By spreading his seed out to as many uteri as will accept it (conditions have to be just right, like that giant Indonesian stink-flower that only blooms when conditions are perfect). Think, people! Why do all of his mistresses have ties to the armed forces? Put two and two together for fuck's sake. Navy SEAL's wife + superhuman alkie = stone cold demonsoldier of the Armageddon.

You guys rag on Castro, wondering why CrossFit keeps him around. Fools! Castro is Cooch's government contact. He keeps the Cooch-seed-fertilizing mission on track, creating diversions when necessary, and weeding out insiders who might know too much. You think he's incompetent? He's actually SO competent that you sheeple didn't even know what he was doing. You're here looking at the coin in his right hand while he's fingerbanging you with his left, and all the while you're wondering why he's laughing.

:::takes entire bottle of Flintstones Vitamins and passes ou...

K.B. wrote:the real kicker is going to be ten years down the road, when we discover that Kraj and Couch are the same guy

Kazuya Mishima wrote:Yeah, she works some shit job at Whole Foods or some gay crap like that. She's long past the point where she should be married, raising a couple of high school aged kids, and getting on with some sort of career of her own.

ButterCupPowerRanch wrote:

CultBuster wrote:maybe if he actually lifted heavy shit instead of keeping the biggest work out log in America he would be less of a pussy. Then again, maybe not. I think having an avatar with gymnastic moves is the same as having an avatar with a big dick in your mouth.

POD's PM forum avatar hahahahahahahahahaha!

T200 wrote:

JamesonBushmill wrote:http://www.board.crossfit.com/showthrea ... 412&page=5

From Travis Earp on that thread:

Not to mention, both of these guys have ties to Crossfit dating back to before most of the current HQ team were even associated with @F (apart from Couch).

LOL using the term 'couch' gets a thread closed.

Quack Attack wrote:Holy cow...the WaD has delved into even stupider realms..
http://www.crossfit.com/mt-archive2/005096.html

First of all, they're calling this a "one-hand" (note "quotes") weighted pull-up:

No. It's not. Really. We'd hate to educate those who design the workouts, though, wouldn't we?

ImUndaYourBed wrote:Extra-long ellipses usually = dumb ass.

Kazuya Mishima wrote:Yeah, she works some shit job at Whole Foods or some gay crap like that. She's long past the point where she should be married, raising a couple of high school aged kids, and getting on with some sort of career of her own.

As it is, she runs 12 miles a day for the same reason she used to be a drug addicted, alcoholic party kid...it's an escape from the fact that she's a complete fuck up that can't deal with the simplest of shit.

Eric B wrote:Once the tats creep out past where a short sleeved shirt will cover them, you start making permanent decisions about your future employment.

POD wrote:

ButterCupPowerRanch wrote:

CultBuster wrote:maybe if he actually lifted heavy shit instead of keeping the biggest work out log in America he would be less of a pussy. Then again, maybe not. I think having an avatar with gymnastic moves is the same as having an avatar with a big dick in your mouth.

POD's PM forum avatar hahahahahahahahahaha!

Hey, hey, hey, I'm actually part of a legitimate gymnastics club. I don't just spaz out on pull-up bars and do push-ups and call those things "gymnastics." I practice for a good 6-8hrs per week. Granted, my rings routine is probably on par with a good 8yr old gymnast, but I am at a bit of a disadvantage being fifty percent taller and three times as heavy than one of them and I do work hard at that shit. Any fucknuckle who's been around a barbell for a while and isn't a superheavyweight ought to be able to do an elbow lever in a few attempts like that guy. Now doing it on rings in series with other skills, in a coherent fashion, without any "20% slop" bullshit is an entirely different story. That takes some fucking practice and dedication, even if I'm no where near the level of those who've done it from age two to twenty. In the year and a half I've been doing it, I've made good progress and it wasn't easy. Don't piss on that.

T200 wrote:

JamesonBushmill wrote:http://www.board.crossfit.com/showthrea ... 412&page=5

From Travis Earp on that thread:

Not to mention, both of these guys have ties to Crossfit dating back to before most of the current HQ team were even associated with @F (apart from Couch).

LOL using the term 'couch' gets a thread closed.

That'll be the next word added to the CrossFit board filters - right beside "IGx."

Quack Attack wrote:Holy cow...the WaD has delved into even stupider realms..
http://www.crossfit.com/mt-archive2/005096.html

First of all, they're calling this a "one-hand" (note "quotes") weighted pull-up:

No. It's not. Really. We'd hate to educate those who design the workouts, though, wouldn't we?

I saw a guy in the gym today doing this workout (not Bony Pudding's interpretation though). After he had finished it, I approached him and started asking him some questions. "What were the pull-ups for? What do they do?" Then he gave me the spheal about CrossFit, varying workouts, and functional exercises and told me that it'd be useful for rock climbing because you get to use both arms to pull, but only the grip of one hand. "Oh, so you climb?" Nope, but it'd be a good workout for a climber. I didn't have it in me to fuck with him though, so I stopped asking questions there.

That workout shows just how retarded the CrossFit "programming" is. This one is clearly "inspired" by Rob Orlando's one-arm Fran video (which is actually impressive - he only used one arm for his kipping-pulls). That video came out about two and a half weeks ago, so this workout today was not at all "programmed" into some greater system or part of any plan designed to yield systematic progress. It was simply that Castro wasn't feeling up to the challenge of creating a "WOD" out of thin air like he normally does, and he didn't want to just repeat one of the "named" workouts when two of the last three were already named ones. So, he copied a workout he saw someone else do, the did the job of pre-scaling it down for all the lemmings (and even then I bet most CrossFitters had to scale it back further... a 60lb DB - yowza). Fuck. CrossFit isn't even "varied" or "randomized" or whatever the hell it advertises. It's just a bunch of bullshit workouts put together based off of what Castro thinks will keep the masses entertained. Who gives a fuck about them getting stronger or healthier? (Honestly, I doubt most CrossFitters truly care about that either, as long as they can get their manorexic abs.) Just keep them entertained. That's all you need to get their money.

Pisses me off.

POD wrote:I didn't have it in me to fuck with him though, so I stopped asking questions there.

i was afraid i'd catch a beating, so i stopped asking questions there.

POD wrote:Hey, hey, hey, I'm actually part of a legitimate gymnastics club. I don't just spaz out on pull-up bars and do push-ups and call those things "gymnastics." I practice for a good 6-8hrs per week. Granted, my rings routine is probably on par with a good 8yr old gymnast, but I am at a bit of a disadvantage being fifty percent taller and three times as heavy than one of them and I do work hard at that shit. Any fucknuckle who's been around a barbell for a while and isn't a superheavyweight ought to be able to do an elbow lever in a few attempts like that guy. Now doing it on rings in series with other skills, in a coherent fashion, without any "20% slop" bullshit is an entirely different story. That takes some fucking practice and dedication, even if I'm no where near the level of those who've done it from age two to twenty. In the year and a half I've been doing it, I've made good progress and it wasn't easy. Don't piss on that.

WildGorillaMan wrote:

That last picture does have a little something special to it, doesn't it?